In this situation, do you think two parties are necessary?

[Anonymous]

If your in laws won't come to your 1st party, and it is causing a rift on DH's side of the family, by all means, have a 2nd, more accessible, grandparent-friendly event, but let them host it. As your kid gets older, make it clear that you have a party (possibly with her input) and you have a tradition of also doing a nice dinner or a visit with grandma.

My mother is notorious for standing us up for a multitude of reasons on my children's birthdays. When we see her, she acts like the birthday party (laser tag, bowling, whatever) didn't happen and "now we need to celebrate". I tell her that sounds great. Be sure to order pizza and pick up a cake, because I did that all weeks ago.

If you shift the parties (and have 1) to a different town, your kid isn't making memories in her own home and her own community, and that's a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband's family thinks it's too far and they won't come and your husband wants them there, then you have two options: move the party closer to husband's family or have two parties. Both options sound perfectly fine to me. Honestly, it doesn't matter that you think the party is close enough to your husband's family. Each family has different commitments and different ideas as to reasonable length to travel. I am fine with two to three hours for a family party so long as it fits within our schedules, but I bet most people are not. That doesn't make others wrong. It just makes people different.

You're right! I just wanted one party with both families in attendance. Two different family parties make it feel like we're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband's family thinks it's too far and they won't come and your husband wants them there, then you have two options: move the party closer to husband's family or have two parties. Both options sound perfectly fine to me. Honestly, it doesn't matter that you think the party is close enough to your husband's family. Each family has different commitments and different ideas as to reasonable length to travel. I am fine with two to three hours for a family party so long as it fits within our schedules, but I bet most people are not. That doesn't make others wrong. It just makes people different.

You're right! I just wanted one party with both families in attendance. Two different family parties make it feel like we're divorced.

PP here, I get that too. If it were me, I would do two parties this year because you've already make your plan. But then I'd plan a different location for next year's party so that everyone comes.

[Anonymous]

People make time for the things they want to do. They don't want to go to a kid party, and that's ok. Stop inviting them. If you offered them a million dollars to go, they'd suddenly have an interest in going which means it's not about the time or distance, but rather the motivation.

[Anonymous]

You are right. Their not coming to the actual party is ridiculous.

If you wanted a separate family gathering, that would be a whole other thing, but no one needs to guilt you into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People make time for the things they want to do. They don't want to go to a kid party, and that's ok. Stop inviting them. If you offered them a million dollars to go, they'd suddenly have an interest in going which means it's not about the time or distance, but rather the motivation.

If I stopped inviting them, that would cause another issue.

[Anonymous]

You have your kid's party at your house. And they can have their kid's parties at their houses. They drive to your parties; you drive to their parties.

Don't they think that's fair?

[Anonymous]

If they want to throw her a party, why not? Should you have to pay for and plan two separate parties? Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Don't give MIL this power.

Is the party at night? Is driving at night a problem because MIL is a senior citizen? I'm assuming not. Unless there is a very good reason, keep your plan as is.

People can come. Or not.
And don't you be bothered either way.

[Anonymous]

Really sad that they won't make a minimal effort. Must be something else going on - they don't like your mom or another in law or something.

I would bring my child to visit DH's family, and they can host a party. Tell your Dh to coordinate food/cake etc. with his relatives. I do think your child needs to have a celebration with his family but it's not right for you to have to do this twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you can drive, but they can't?

Apparently not since we're the only ones in Montgomery County. My MIL and SIL live in PG and always attend so I really don't see why the rest of them can't.

Solution: DH very sweetly asks his mom and sister to offer rides to your ONE party, to those other relatives who get the vapors at the idea of driving all the way to, gasp, another suburb. Done!

If those relatives turn them down, well, they had their chance. So sorry they couldn't make it. Maybe next time.

....As someone else posted, if you let DH and MIL do a second party, you're going to find it hard to nip that idea next year and then the year after and then.... Don't set the precedent. Point that out to DH. You also would be setting an expectation in your daughter's mind, especially if she's young, that two parties are normal and fine. Does he really want to give that message? Or is he about pleasing his mom on this one?

Just look forward to the time when your child is old enough that she'll ask you to skip a family party and just allow her to have a party or outing with a few of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Your husband and his family are being silly. Ask him whether he really wants to teach your daughter to expect two parties every year.

That said, if it's really important to him, then his family can plan and pay for the second party. No way you should have to do that. If they don't plan it, it doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Why do they even need to come to the party? There's a party, they were invited. They declined. No reason for another party. That's silly.

When you have a dinner party and people decline, do you plan a second dinner party so they can come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband and his family are being silly. Ask him whether he really wants to teach your daughter to expect two parties every year.

That said, if it's really important to him, then his family can plan and pay for the second party. No way you should have to do that. If they don't plan it, it doesn't happen.

This. Unless there's some kind of impairment or hardship you haven't mentioned, then I think you need to either accept that they're not going to be part of the celebration (and that's on them for not being able to be in traffic for a bit) or DH needs to speak with his folks about them hosting their own celebration for your DD. No way should you have to throw an extra party.

And I'm speaking as someone whose folks come from upstate NY and whose DH's folks come from south FL every year for our DD's birthday. We are lucky that they are able to do this and are even more lucky that it's important enough to them to make the effort to come. (They ask if they can - no pressure from us.)

[Anonymous]

Suburb problems. I wouldn't drive to any of these places.