Is she overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in the wrong here. This is definitely not okay behavior on your part (especially since you were keeping it secret from your spouse). However, she is also over reacting.

The good news is that your wife still cares about you -- ALOT. There is still enough passion for her to be pissed off. You can work on this together and get out of your really rough patch.

She is NOT overreacting! This IS. the beginning of an affair, emotional or otherwise.

This

[Anonymous]

Let's just face it -- sometimes, wives are just irrational.

With that said, your marriage has been admittedly rocky. Now your wife may just be a difficult person to be married to, but you've got to decide whether you want to put up with her, imperfections and all, or if you're just in the preparatory stages of checking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's just face it -- sometimes, wives are just irrational.

With that said, your marriage has been admittedly rocky. Now your wife may just be a difficult person to be married to, but you've got to decide whether you want to put up with her, imperfections and all, or if you're just in the preparatory stages of checking out.

Wow, misogynistic jerk much? Human beings are irrational, no matter the gender. It's not a state owned by wives and girlfriends that men must carry the heavy cross to bear.

OP, I'm going to apply my usual rule of assuming that anyone looking for DCUM to side with them is only telling a maximum 50% of the story. But, let me pull the facts from your first post, and you can let me know even how even a rational person would see it:

1. Troubled marriage
2. Member of opposite sex
3. Late night texts
4. Your defense that you don't have feelings for the woman. Who says that?

Now, I think most of these on their own, aren't a big deal. Both DH and I have friends of the opposite sex. The difference is, we talk about them. I'll text Larlo right in front of him. I 'll tell him about Larlo and his family. I am not waiting until he goes to bed to text. We are not having marital problems, a situation which sometimes necessitates acting a little differently both in the relationship and with others.

I'm also curious as to why your wife would be snooping your texts. Either she's a snooper, or she felt she had a reason to snoop, and was right.

So was she overreacting? Maybe, maybe not, and you're not giving the entire story so people will side with you. Even if she is, it's a huge signal to y that you need to communicate with her about your female friend in order to help her feel more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not overreacting you're oversimplifying the situation. If you know your wife is liable to jump to all kinds of conclusions in addition to jumping all in your face about your correspondence with this acquaintance then you need to stop treating it like a simple friendship.
No you may not have any romantic feelings for her and there's no intimacy between you but unless you like getting in trouble and bringing drama into your marriage you need to start treating this acquaintance like she's an affair partner. End the calls and texts to your personal phone and stick to emails and chats at work, let her know that she needs to refrain from communicating at certain times, etc.
You're married.
It's not about what's actually going on; it's about what it looks like is going on and you need to be mindful of that.

I completely disagree with this. He should not be required to cut off all communications with a friend because his wife is jumping to unsubstantiated conclusions.

As a woman who has been in an abusive and controlling relationship, it was common for me to have to warn male coworkers never to text me or call me after work. I also had to warn them not to be too friendly with me at work events I brought my husband to. And by "too friendly" I mean talking to me beyond just saying hello. It was miserable and suffocating.

If you cannot have a casual friendly relationship with a member of the opposite sex because your spouse will freak out on you, you need to get out of that marriage.

[Anonymous]

If she "found out" that means u didn't tell her you text this woman ask yourself why?

Second u never told your wife you voluntarily meet up with another woman? Even if it is not an affair what are u hiding to not tell her "I'm meeting Jane to help her business"

[Anonymous]

Red flags:

You didn't tell your wife about this woman.
This woman is single.
You claim it's about business, but you're texting about personal matters.
Your marriage is already rocky.
You didn't tell your wife about this woman. (Did I say that twice? Because it really matters.)

She might be overreacting in insisting that you're having an affair, but she's not wrong that your behavior is not honest and aboveboard.

[Anonymous]

People lie because they want to do something which another won't approve or to get out of trouble.

OP which one did you do?

Failing to tell your wife about this person was a lie. Omitting is lying. Don't be squirrelly here, you already were with your wife.

I think this is a breach of trust, that's why your wife is calling it an affair. It's not the affair that most people are upset about. It's the deception.

[Anonymous]

The answer was the first one. I enjoyed this woman's company.