Is she overreacting?
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Anonymous
| Wife found a late night text message from a female acquaintance. It was about something she was watching on Netflix. She grilled me and I admitted we text every so often and we met a few times over the year for coffee due to her wanting my help with her business. We've texted a few times about just innocous stuff: Movies, I sent her a few articles I found interesting etc. My wife and I have had a really really rough relationship over the last 2 years and she's now saying that this is a full blown affair. I felt nothing emotionally for this woman, just a friendly person. |
Anonymous
| It's just more of your rough relationship. Are you guys in counseling? |
Anonymous
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That's how my emotional affair with a woman that I worked with started. I was caught after thousands of texts between us. It never led to sex, but it very well could have! Guys are normally attracted to women and, when they show us the least but of attention it boosts our egos, so it doesn't take much to win us over.
Two years of a really, really rough relationship is all that it would take for you to be base deep into something you should not be in... 
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Anonymous
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You are both in the wrong here. This is definitely not okay behavior on your part (especially since you were keeping it secret from your spouse). However, she is also over reacting.
The good news is that your wife still cares about you -- ALOT. There is still enough passion for her to be pissed off. You can work on this together and get out of your really rough patch. |
Anonymous
She is NOT overreacting! This IS. the beginning of an affair, emotional or otherwise. |
Anonymous
| She is over-reacting in jumping to the conclusion that this is an affair, but she is NOT over-reacting that this is inappropriate. You are tempting fate and walking the line, OP. Back off any one-on-one communication with other women outside of work if you want to work through the troubles in your marriage. |
Anonymous
I hope it's true for him but trust me, it is not always true. BTDT and she was just a selfish person. As well, she didn't like being reminded of what she could be and do and refused to. |
Anonymous
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Female here. I don't see it as a big deal at all. DH has tons of female friends and I trust him 100%. He still worships the ground I walk on.
That being said, the issue here is that your marriage is rocky and wife doesn't trust you. |
Anonymous
+1 This plus a rocky marriage makes it a problem. She is still overreacting by calling it a full blown affair, but don't get distracted by this. This could be a turning point to go I to counseling and turn things around. Or not. |
Anonymous
| Is the texting female married with kids? is she friends with your wife? if you wife invited her to dinner, would you feel comfortable? |
Anonymous
Single. No I wouldn't feel comfortable because I would be afraid wife would kill her. |
Anonymous
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She's not overreacting you're oversimplifying the situation. If you know your wife is liable to jump to all kinds of conclusions in addition to jumping all in your face about your correspondence with this acquaintance then you need to stop treating it like a simple friendship.
No you may not have any romantic feelings for her and there's no intimacy between you but unless you like getting in trouble and bringing drama into your marriage you need to start treating this acquaintance like she's an affair partner. End the calls and texts to your personal phone and stick to emails and chats at work, let her know that she needs to refrain from communicating at certain times, etc. You're married. It's not about what's actually going on; it's about what it looks like is going on and you need to be mindful of that. |
Anonymous
I always tell my friends, if you would not invite this woman to dinner with your wife there is something up. Just stop contacting her and she will stop texting you. |
Anonymous
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It's not cool. And guess what? Your partner is the decision maker who gets to say it's not okay.
If you want your marriage to work out back way off the ledge of justifying this whatsoever. Apologize. If your marriage is important, it's important to protect it, and let your wife know you will protect it in the future. Right now, rocky times are not a good time to make new female friends. Really? Are a few text messages that important to hurt your wife's feelings over? Apologize apologize apologize. You may feel because nothing physical happened, that NO.t.hING happened. From your wife's point of view, this event generates the same FEELINGs of betrayal as an actual affair. There are questions: am I important to you? will you be there for me? do you hold my best interests at least as important as your own? These are all generated by the experience of finding out about the texting and whatnot. Do you understand? |
Anonymous
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This woman you are texting with has been filling a void that your wife has not, most esp. these past few years.
Whether you are attracted to her or not, it still doesn't bode well for either of you if you chat/text w/another Female. You + the wifey need to get to the core of your marital woes and address what it is exactly that has negatively affected your union. Corresponding w/another person is just adding more fuel to an ongoing fire. Cut off all ties w/this other woman for NOW and focus on repairing your marriage. Your personal life is already complicated...This other woman only complicates things tenfold. I wish all the luck to you and your wife. Hope it works out. |