Mother in law is not very nice to me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...i have a mother in law who can't stand me. there are a couple of reasons: (1) i went through IVF man times and she felt I put her son through too much (actually had the gaul to ask me if he was "getting any" and told me I was the most selfish person on earth and that I should have adopted when I finally got pregnant -- all because I was having a difficult pregnancy). (2) She is not educated and I have two degrees and because of those degrees made a 6 figure salary. I'm sure that some issues stem from this difference and economic disparity.

I don't know what to do. I've sent her on at least 5 vacations (oversees etc). I've helped out her kids (loaned them money, gave them computers, cars. etc..) and her husband find jobs. But I think she still hates me...

Can anyone relate? Why do I feel so bad? I feel terribly sad that I feel her distaste for me.

Just to pick out a few. This does not include tyops, improper capitalization, or run-on sentences and other bad syntax.

The PP who mentioned the imperfect English was mean, but she wasn't wrong.

I also think it's tacky to lord your salary over the poor relations. And for the OP who said she has nothing to justify... if that's the case, why are you here telling us all what a lovely generous person you are? Can't your mother-in-law's actions speak for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:where are your 2 degrees from?
because your English makes me wonder...

I don't like women who go through artificial reproduction either but I don't hate them. I just feel pity...

the fact that you're trying to buy her also makes me wonder...
do you really think that just because you're rich and you can give cars, vacation and computers to people they have to like you?

The poison pen poster strikes again. Ick! "Makes me wonder..." Another of her brilliant catch phrases is "something tells me...." What an annoyance.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd just let it go with your MIL. Some people don't like us . . . some people are unkind . . . some people are both. (See PPs -- ha ha!) It sounds like you did some nice things for your MIL and she hasn't reciprocated with kindness. I say that's her problem, not yours. Continue to be kind, but with NO EXPECTATIONS of anything in return. You'll feel good about yourself for being a good and kind person, and you will not be disappointed because you're no longer expecting anything (including even kindness) in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:where are your 2 degrees from?
because your English makes me wonder...

I don't like women who go through artificial reproduction either but I don't hate them. I just feel pity...
the fact that you're trying to buy her also makes me wonder...
do you really think that just because you're rich and you can give cars, vacation and computers to people they have to like you?

"Artificial reproduction" (apparently). This is not OP, this is someone else. I don't like women like YOU. BTW, your English is not so hot either. Lose the elipses. Either way you're just a troll. Probably shouldn't feed you.

OP, your MIL sounds jerky. And you sound like you resent your DH spending the things on him that he's spending. You need to establish boundaries, as others have posted. And DH has every right to love his mother, but he should make it clear to her that bashing the wife will not be tolerated. And it shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...i have a mother in law who can't stand me. there are a couple of reasons: (1) i went through IVF man times and she felt I put her son through too much (actually had the gaul to ask me if he was "getting any" and told me I was the most selfish person on earth and that I should have adopted when I finally got pregnant -- all because I was having a difficult pregnancy). (2) She is not educated and I have two degrees and because of those degrees made a 6 figure salary. I'm sure that some issues stem from this difference and economic disparity.

I don't know what to do. I've sent her on at least 5 vacations (oversees etc). I've helped out her kids (loaned them money, gave them computers, cars. etc..) and her husband find jobs. But I think she still hates me...

Can anyone relate? Why do I feel so bad? I feel terribly sad that I feel her distaste for me.

While I do wish you luck in having a healthy child, I still wonder about your attitude. Perhaps your MIL (I'm not supporting her as my MIL is a real beast who's forced me - happily, I might add - to create boundaries) senses a haughty tone. Who cares how much you make? I suppose you have you actually discussed salary and education with her, or else why would she feel this need to lash out at you? I think you're adding to the mix.

Zip it and move on with your life. If you're this intent on having a child, you certainly don't need to deal with someone who meddles.

There is sooo much jealousy for people who are lucky to make a good living. Wow. I'm reading this thread and feel really bad for the OP.

I don't think people are jealous. They're just not impressed when someone openly discusses salary and educational level. Leave that conversation for a job interview. It shouldn't come into play with family. If you make that much money b/c of multiple degrees, for example, and you feel the need to do good, stay quiet about it. Humility is an appealing trait.

IMO, I think the OP is under a great amount of stress and is lashing out at her ignorant MIL, whom she would otherwise ignore if these fertility issues weren't a problem. Furthermore, the hormonal shifts that occur during these treatments can turn Mother Theresa into Cruella De Ville. I've seen the effects up close and personal. It's exhausting - mentally, physically and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...i have a mother in law who can't stand me. there are a couple of reasons: (1) i went through IVF man times and she felt I put her son through too much (actually had the gaul to ask me if he was "getting any" and told me I was the most selfish person on earth and that I should have adopted when I finally got pregnant -- all because I was having a difficult pregnancy). (2) She is not educated and I have two degrees and because of those degrees made a 6 figure salary. I'm sure that some issues stem from this difference and economic disparity.

I don't know what to do. I've sent her on at least 5 vacations (oversees etc). I've helped out her kids (loaned them money, gave them computers, cars. etc..) and her husband find jobs. But I think she still hates me...

Can anyone relate? Why do I feel so bad? I feel terribly sad that I feel her distaste for me.

While I do wish you luck in having a healthy child, I still wonder about your attitude. Perhaps your MIL (I'm not supporting her as my MIL is a real beast who's forced me - happily, I might add - to create boundaries) senses a haughty tone. Who cares how much you make? I suppose you have you actually discussed salary and education with her, or else why would she feel this need to lash out at you? I think you're adding to the mix.

Zip it and move on with your life. If you're this intent on having a child, you certainly don't need to deal with someone who meddles.

There is sooo much jealousy for people who are lucky to make a good living. Wow. I'm reading this thread and feel really bad for the OP.

I don't think people are jealous. They're just not impressed when someone openly discusses salary and educational level. Leave that conversation for a job interview. It shouldn't come into play with family. If you make that much money b/c of multiple degrees, for example, and you feel the need to do good, stay quiet about it. Humility is an appealing trait.

IMO, I think the OP is under a great amount of stress and is lashing out at her ignorant MIL, whom she would otherwise ignore if these fertility issues weren't a problem. Furthermore, the hormonal shifts that occur during these treatments can turn Mother Theresa into Cruella De Ville. I've seen the effects up close and personal. It's exhausting - mentally, physically and emotionally.

OP, see, now aren't you glad you posted here? In addition to getting 2 marginally useful tips about setting boundaries, you get to encounter magical people who not only turn your problem back around on you and demonstrate how it is all your fault, they have the ability to know things about you that you didn't post. AMAZING! We must have fortune tellers on the site today.

Poster above, two of my sisters have done IVF. On their worst days, they're still 100 percent nicer than you. You're a zero!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The poison pen poster strikes again. Ick! "Makes me wonder..." Another of her brilliant catch phrases is "something tells me...." What an annoyance.

Yes, I refer to her as "foreign-born inarticulate bitter former nanny troll".

And I don't understand why ANYONE even acknowledges her posts anymore. I can see her coming a mile away by HER poor writing. Just skim past it, people!

DO NOT FEED THE TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Please ignore all of the nasty postings, OP. For a lucky few, MILs are wonderful but for the rest of us they are a total pain. It has nothing to do with your education, finances, etc. You're not alone. There is nothing you can do to change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please ignore all of the nasty postings, OP. For a lucky few, MILs are wonderful but for the rest of us they are a total pain. It has nothing to do with your education, finances, etc. You're not alone. There is nothing you can do to change it.

pp and the other pps who are so positive and understanding, i really do appreciate it. i almost gave up on the chat. the troll is definitely bitter. with triplets (yes triplets , i have little time for caps or spell check. you guys are wonderful. i feel so much better and blessed. thank you again.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others who say to remind yourself that you can't change her. She may never appreciate you. Just don't let that affect what you do, or how you act. I think it's important to take the high road so that any wrongdoing is hers alone and you are clear of blame.

I can see that your talking about your financial generosity was not necessarily trying to gloat about wealth, but simply giving an example of a scenario where one would expect some appreciation.

So ignore the others.

[Anonymous]

OP, could it be you are a little too much of a "people pleaser"? You want everyone to like you and are convinced there is a way for you to make them like you as long as you try hard enough? I agree with the previous poster who said not everyone is going to like you and it's time to move on with your MIL. Send her greeting cards on her birthday and mother's day and otherwise don't invest yourself in pleasing her. She obviously is old, crabby, and difficult. Not your problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please ignore all of the nasty postings, OP. For a lucky few, MILs are wonderful but for the rest of us they are a total pain. It has nothing to do with your education, finances, etc. You're not alone. There is nothing you can do to change it.

pp and the other pps who are so positive and understanding, i really do appreciate it. i almost gave up on the chat. the troll is definitely bitter. with triplets (yes triplets , i have little time for caps or spell check. you guys are wonderful. i feel so much better and blessed. thank you again.

HEY! Good to hear you were able to concieve, funny how posters ASSumed you were currently going through IVF. Triplets-WOW!
Can't comment on your MIL. Mine is a shrew, so we practive avoidance. It is better to keep the visits at a minimum, too much negativity for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where are your 2 degrees from?
because your English makes me wonder...

I don't like women who go through artificial reproduction either but I don't hate them. I just feel pity...
the fact that you're trying to buy her also makes me wonder...
do you really think that just because you're rich and you can give cars, vacation and computers to people they have to like you?

"Artificial reproduction" (apparently). This is not OP, this is someone else. I don't like women like YOU. BTW, your English is not so hot either. Lose the elipses. Either way you're just a troll. Probably shouldn't feed you.

women who cannot get pregnant use ARTIFICIAL REPRODUCTION.
natural reproduction is SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.


I'm not American, my English is broken too and that's why I asked her.

My MIL doesn't stand the fact that I'm Christian since DH and his family are HINDU.
I asked because it could be a cultural difference.

You guys are so fast at making assumptions.. chill out folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The poison pen poster strikes again. Ick! "Makes me wonder..." Another of her brilliant catch phrases is "something tells me...." What an annoyance.

Yes, I refer to her as "foreign-born inarticulate bitter former nanny troll".

And I don't understand why ANYONE even acknowledges her posts anymore. I can see her coming a mile away by HER poor writing. Just skim past it, people!

DO NOT FEED THE TROLL.

another useless pseudo-parent...

just because we don't agree with you and we don't try to hide our opinion behind nice words we're trolls..

alright we got you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please ignore all of the nasty postings, OP. For a lucky few, MILs are wonderful but for the rest of us they are a total pain. It has nothing to do with your education, finances, etc. You're not alone. There is nothing you can do to change it.

pp and the other pps who are so positive and understanding, i really do appreciate it. i almost gave up on the chat. the troll is definitely bitter. with triplets (yes triplets , i have little time for caps or spell check. you guys are wonderful. i feel so much better and blessed. thank you again.

your MIL was right... YOU'RE SO SELFISH!!

instead of adopting 3 children who are already out there, in need of our help you decided to put 3 more in the world.
just simply only and exclusively because you wanted to... what a very nice excuse go fulfill your ego!!!

you give away stuff thinking you can buy people's feelings...

That woman is so right!

Your MIL rocks!

ps. and I'm sorry for your husband... caught in the middle of this mess.