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I need some support, please--really struggling with going back to work.
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Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you everyone, I appreciate it. Until we can sell our house, I can't quit my job--and some of the houses on our street have been on the market for 2 years. I feel like it's too risky to go to reduced hours (although my firm would allow it), because my firm (and others) are doing layoffs, and I feel like that makes me more exposed to that possibility. Am I nuts? Anyway, I really appreciate all the supportive comments and guidance. Thank you again. |
Anonymous
| You do what you need to for your family. I was part-time and after my husband was laid off, I decided to work more hours. My attitude was great, I didn't feel resentful. My family needed me to do this and I did so, gladly. Remember, life changes quickly, this is not a forever situation. |
Anonymous
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Awww, I've been where you are. I cried in front of the daycare ladies when I left DC#1 at daycare at four months old. I was sure I was ruining her for life.
Flash forward five years, after a five year daycare career. She's reading, thriving in kindergarten, great social skills. I joke that I barely slowed down the car when I dropped off DC#2 at the same daycare years later 
I know how hard it is, I feel for you. It will get better. You will both be fine. |
Anonymous
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We all have hopes and dreams for our children. My biggest desire is that my grandchildren have a 'full-time' Mommy, or at least some relative. Growing up, my mother had a status career, and the ability to buy us 'more.' Whatever money can buy, it's still not worth having to hire ever-changing substitute mother figures to rear our children. Childhood is so very short. Before you know it, it's all done. I know it's the hardest thing to 'make do' on only one income. In today's world, it seems like the ultimate sacrifice. In my humble opinion, I believe our children are worth it.
btw I love the quotes: "It Takes a Family" and "It Takes a Village" |
Anonymous
| Thanks for opening up about this very important and sensitive topic so near and dear to many of us. There is no magic answer but it is wonderful to hear so many supportive ideas. As a physician and medical director, I also work long hours and cannot afford to be out of my profession for too long, because so much changes in medicine. At the same time, I did not want to spend more time with my colleagues than I did with my babies. So, I found the one thing that worked for me was to co-sleep with my baby. It was wonderful to lie next to my DS all night long, feeling his warm little body next to mine. Also, I was able to nurse him lying down, so I slept much better. As a result, I was not as tired during the day and could better deal with the separation. Of course I still shed lots of tears like so many other moms. My son is now almost 3 and in his own bed, but I now have my DD, 9 months old, sleeping beside me at night. Thankfully, I also have a very supportive husband and then lots of mom friends who can commiserate. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
| Another former big-firm lawyer here. I also am the breadwinner, so I can relate to the absolute necessity of you working, it is not, as some pp's have suggested, just a matter of you wanting to provide "more". I would agree with you that now is not a good time to go part-time at a law firm, and other job options are harder to get now, but they are out there. Here are what I hope are some comforting thoughts for you: 1) your situation is not permanent. you can find another, non-firm job, and/or as you mentioned sell your house and not need to work. 2) at least for now, while your baby is so young, all she really needs is a loving caregiver. sure mommy is best, but no need to heap extra guilt on yourself - your baby will be just as happy right now with a loving nanny or daycare provider. 3) it will likely get easier as time goes by in terms of missing your baby, and also in terms of different solutions you can come up with to manage the situation. Also, on the positive side, most law firms are pretty flexible work environments in terms of where work gets done. Maybe you can make a habit of working from home when you need to put in extra hours, so you can still make it home in time to see the baby in the evenings. |
Anonymous
Agreed. My DH and I have struggled SO hard to pay daycare tuition for 2 kids over the last few years. I envy folks who have a grandma who can/will provide this valuable service. I hope when my kids grow up, maybe I can be that grandma. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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OP:
Let's be honest here. Do you already live in a low-income area or in quite a small house? Do you already shop the weekly sale fliers for food? Don't most of us in the US make do without health insurance? How could that be? What is your/our ultimate goal? Complete honesty please. No need, folks, to get in a huff with these questions. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry but going without health insurance is COMPLETELY irresponsible especially with kids. Do you know how many families in this country are bankrupt because of medical issues? It takes one, not even major, health event to do that. Wipe you out. Not to mention the rest of us are paying for this - it is one reason why premiums are going up. Also, who wants to live in low-income housing? Is that seriously better than not staying home with your kids in your mind? I couldn't disagree more. We live in a cute neighborhood with a nice backyard, it's very safe and the schools are decent. It's worth it for me to work to have those things. Not to mention we have great savings and retirement, and a safety net if one of us loses their job. I can't believe I even responded to this - no doubt a troll. Also, I like my job as do many moms. While I'm lucky to have a lot of flexibility and very reasonable hours, it is not the end-all goal for all moms to stay at home. Does your husband work? He should quit his job - you guys could live in a homeless shelter - it is more important that children have both parents around them at all times, isn't it? |
Anonymous
OP here. Again, my sincere thanks to all you kind kind folks for your support. To the poster above, considering that I spent half the day at the very expensive cardiologist with my 4 month old, HELL YES I need health insurance. I provide insurance for my husband and my child, in addition to myself. I said I'm stuck where I am for now, because no houses are selling in our neighborhood, and we're a single income family dependent upon my income. I was just looking for some support because I have no choice about going back to work at present. I know I'm not permanently stuck, but I'm stuck for now. Incidentally, you may be a woman, PP, but your comments sound pretty misogynistic. Simply because I want a career, I can't have a hard time going back to work? If I complain or feel sad about leaving my child, then my only other option is to stay home with her? |
Anonymous
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OP, thanks for opening up this important topic. One thing that none of the PPs have mentioned, I think, is that although it is hard to go back to work, being a successful breadwinner for your family makes you a GREAT role model for your child. If you feel good about your childcare situation, then you also know that your child is being nurtured and well cared for.
I gave up a job I loved to work part-time. While I feel good about the time that I am able to spend with my toddler and baby, I don't know if I will be able to find a job that is as rewarding and lucrative as my old job when I am ready to go back to full-time work. And I miss the professional identity and interactions that went with the old job. My family can easily make do on DH's (modest) salary, but if he loses his job we will be in a bad position. I'm just trying to say that we all have made trade-offs. Going back to your job sounds like a great decision that you should feel good about, even though it is so hard to leave the baby. |
Anonymous
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OP, try to remember that nothing is FOREVER. The economy is in the shitter and there is a need in your family right now. But later, you may feel safer to make choices that suit YOU and your family.
You are doing what you need to do...feel proud of that. |
Anonymous
Feel proud, yes. But only if your child is not hurting. |
Anonymous
So is your husband home with your baby? I'm confused. |