stress on marriage from kids and work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one should divorce until the youngest is 5. This was me and my DW when kids were young. Kids are older now (7 and 4) and we are doing better. Some good advice on these boards, make sure you communicate your needs and listen to hers as painful as it can be. Also, babysitters. Gut it out, see where you are in a year.

For me, hitting the gym a little harder helped with the excess frustration. Also, getting some affirmation from outside the marriage helped with the rejection from my wife.

My DW once confided she was jealous of my success (we went to same grad school). She enjoyed being a SAHM (sometimes) but did miss the public accolades that you get working outside the home.

Explain.

Explanation - after the first, then the second kid came, our sex and intimacy fell to nearly non-existence. Even on babysitter night, the sex was out of duty. My SAHM wife would much rather sleep, watch TV, be on facebook, anything over sex. Total 180 from our pre-kid days.

That kind of rejection really eats at your self-worth. You know you aren't supposed to internalize it, but having years of marriage devoid of passion will eat at your soul (even if intellectually you know it isn't personal). At least for me, I found that since I couldn't control how my wife felt (towards me, towards herself) I could control how I felt. Being physically healthy helped. Having women flirt with you helped.

[Anonymous]

PP, I can so relate. Getting physically fit really helped me, and I love the men hitting on me constantly. I know it's him, and not me.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you for your thoughts and advice. There is a lot of food for thought. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DH works 70+ hours a week, and I am a lawyer. DD (3 yrs) is in daycare. We feel like we were dragged down rockville pike and back. Utterly exhausted, no sex life. So daycare and your DW are probably not the answer.

IMO, DW sounds spoiled. She doesn't have to care for your children AND work, PLUS she has a housekeeper?!? I'm up at 1:30AM working, cleaning, hanging laundry, etc.

I am sorry she is not more of a partner for you. She needs to get a grip and smell the roses.

As for you, however, you indicated you are fighting, and in her defense I do not know much from your post about your contribution to the marital problems. Like, do you downplay her work in the home? Do you say nasty things that are verbally abusive? Do you harp on the fact that you bring home the bacon so what you say goes etc.? If so, you need to check yourself too.

I hope my insight is helpful to YOU, because I am sure I am going to get an earful of grief from SAHMs for it, but I am just keeping it real regardless of what the nay sayers might say.

An earful from SAHMs?
You just said your life is like getting dragged down Rockvile Pike, you are utterly exhausted, no sex life and up at 130 am doing chores. Sounds like a horrible way to live .
I don't get why a SAHM would have anything to say about that.

Why don't you hire help to do the cleaning and laundry? If you are an attorney and your husband has long hours I'd guess you aren't hurting for cash.