Estranged Siblings

[Anonymous]

OP here. My mom has early stages of dementia. I am not sure that assisted living is best for her, but also, I am not sure that Medicare would pay for it. Now that her chemo is over, I am in the process of finding a good GP and then getting her referred for memory tests. The thing is, I have very little time to do this, working full time and having children. The week of her appt, in order to take a day off, I have to make up those hours (I need to be billable x hours per week). I have my own appts, too, so you can understand why even getting the right diagnoses in order to get the right services is a strain. I have tried to attend her appts by conf call, but it doesn't work out very well.

PP- what more info do you want? I am a fairly open book. I started work FT at 20 to finish school and paid my way. I have a great job now, but even when I didn't, I never asked my parents for anything big (my mom always stressed me out about money, even as a kid, so I never felt like help was available. The approach was very different with my brother). I had the wedding we could pay for and live in the house we could pay for because that's what was expected. My brother came to live with us for 9 mos (like showed up from out of state) after he took 7 years in undergrad (while my mom paid his rent). shortly after that, my mom moved in. So perhaps, if I am leaving anything out, it is how resentful I am for having others who were disparaging and unsupportive at times live off of me, showing no gratitude.

After moving in, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my brother chose to work overseas to make tax free money for himself. Neither he nor she paid a drop of rent and I didn't move her out during chemo bc her doctor advised against it for mental reasons (and bc: who does that?). I am just now able to get back to working on diagnosing her memory issues properly and getting other areas of health evaluated and I could use some help with that and other daily duties.

I have no friends who have gone through this and really not many people to speak with about it . DC dept of the aging was so unhelpful. It is all on me and you'd be surprised how little info is easily accessible. So if this was just an easy "stick her in a home" process, we would have done that, really. It's not just a question of if that's available to affordable to her; it's a question about that being what's best as well.

[Anonymous]

Medicare will only pay for a specific amount of time (maybe 90 days) from a hospitalization. If she has limited income and only has under $2500, medicaid will pay for nursing home care (there is a special one). The MC Senior Department was not very helpful either. It was very hard putting my MIL in a nursing home but we could not maintain her at our home any longer as she would not leave the house and I had to with small kids. Memory issues can become safety issues. My MIL is now very happy at the nursing home and while it is far from perfect she gets good care. There are some lower income assisted living programs but they are near impossible with memory issues - we got my MIL in one but realize she was not self sufficient and decline the apartment. She could not remember to bathe without help, eat, etc.

[Anonymous]

Life is too short to spend it having selfish bastards shit all over you. My mother favored my brother over me and my sisters. Thanks to that and a lot of other evil, mean spirited things she has done, I have not laid eyes on her in two years and have spoken to her only once (by accident; she caught me off guard). Reading your post makes me even more glad that I cut my mother off while she was able bodied. It would be such an injustice for me to be stuck taking care of her when the only people she has ever consistently looked out for are my brother and herself.