Could save $20k, but in laws

[Anonymous]

What do you value more - an extra $20k in your pocket or having your environment perfect for a 5 month period.

If you are motivated by having that money in your savings account, suck it up, put a smile on your face and remember that you are a guest in your in-laws home. They are doing you a huge favor that will allow you to be more financially secure in the future.

If you want to control your environment, don't move in. Go buy your own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband, child and I are moving from our current state to our in laws' state. They have generously offered to let us live with them rent-free for four months until I start my job in a different part of the state. They have also offered to let us use their spare car. We would be splitting utilities and food bills, and paying for gas in the spare car. In all, we would save about $20,000 if we live with them first than if we move into our own apartment immediately.

My husband is on board and I was too until this weekend. We spent the weekend with them and that reminded me of why I am just not sure I would be happy there for five months:

--I don't particularly like the house. Their home is a little cluttered, cold, dingy, and covered in dog hair, and I am somewhat of a neat freak who loves to get a lot of light and air. We would have our own bedroom, but I don't get the feeling they'd be okay with me redecorating the bedroom or making major changes to adapt it to my taste.Lighten up. It is only 5 months. You can live with decor "not to your taste" for that long. This is an absurd reason.
--They have an adult relative who still lives at home and smokes. She is a sweetheart and never smokes in the house, but I worry about my son's exposure to the smoke on her clothes. She also doesn't really get along with them and has been known to steal (but I don't think she would steal from my husband and I). The smoking would kill the deal for me. I can't live with a smoker and be headache free. Put a lock on your bedroom door while you are living there if you think she may steal from you.
--They have this huge, constantly shedding, constantly drooling dog who they have not disciplined very well. He snatches food from our plates at the first opportunity, chews up anything he can get his paws on, and keeps putting his mouth in my little son's face when I am trying to nurse, change, or just play with him. I really wish they would keep him away from the living room, but they give him free rein of the house. Their dog, their house. If it a deal breaker for you than it is a deal breaker for you.
--I love to cook, but so does my MIL, and we do not cook the same cuisines, so I would not feel comfortable in the kitchen unless she was at work. reat chance to learn how to cook the things she does and expand your repertoire
--My in laws live far from the city, so I would not be able to visit friends or have friends visit, except with a 1 hour trip. It is temporary This is another bogus reason.
--I love to walk and push my son around, but their neighborhood has no sidewalks (I am not kidding -- no sidewalks at all), so I would have to drive 5 or 10 minutes just to take a walk with my son. It is temporary bogus reason.
--My husband and his parents have been talking about all of us moving in together one day and I worry this is a trial run. I am not on board at all with all of us living together one day, especially since my in laws are hellbent on staying in the suburb where they live and I am not interested in living there. I don't want to hear in 2 or 3 years time "Oh, but we let you live with us and it was great. Why can't we all move in?" Set your boundaries and stick to them.

Apart from these big/small things, we all get along well and my husband and I could always use an extra 20k, even though we are not hurting financially. They could see more of their grandchild and help out a bit with child care (not a lot though bc they both still work).

Would you all move in with them?

How much credit card debt do you have? How much is saved for college? Retirement? Downpayment for a house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you value more - an extra $20k in your pocket or having your environment perfect for a 5 month period.

If you are motivated by having that money in your savings account, suck it up, put a smile on your face and remember that you are a guest in your in-laws home. They are doing you a huge favor that will allow you to be more financially secure in the future.

If you want to control your environment, don't move in. Go buy your own home.

This. IT doesn't matter what I would do or anyone else. You're the one who is in the situation and you have to decide if it's worth the short-term downsides for the long-term gain based on your circumstances, finances, preferences, relationships, personality, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not expose a baby to cigarette smoke. It would be a deal breaker for me. All the other stuff I could deal with for 4 months.

The adult smoker smokes outside and if you confine yourself and your stuff to your room, really the smoke should not be that big of a deal. If you think about it, any time you go to a public place (grocery store, drs office, mall) you are around smokers and their smoky clothes.

If the smoke was entering the house and the smell was coming into my room - that would not be doable. But just walking past the adult smoker in the hallway. eh, I could probably do that for 4 or 5 months.

[Anonymous]

If you're not hurting for money (no debt?) I cannot fathom why you would consider doing this. You can never get this time back with your infant.

You sound similar to me and I would feel utterly TRAPPED there. No place to walk? No space that is truly your own? Dirty common areas, an enthusiastic big dog, and a smoker in the house? No, no, no, no, OMG no fucking way.

(My MIL is an outdoor smoker, BTW, and she and her clothing still reek. Absolutely reek. It gets on everything and lingers for hours after she leaves...it's like The Stink in the car from Seinfeld. And third-hand smoke is a real thing, according to our baby's neonatologist.)

We're hurting for money but even I wouldn't do it. If you're not hurting for money, NO. And I would seriously begin the discussion NOW with your husband and shut down any ideas of living with his parents in the future.

[Anonymous]

Surely you could find a 5-month rental for less than $20k? If it's just you, dh and a baby, you wouldn't need a big place.

I think you're risking permanent damage to your relationship with your IL's by moving in with them. I honestly don't think you'll save as much money as you're expecting too, and if the idea of spending a few months in a place you didn't decorate yourself seems that problematic, I really doubt this will go well, never kind all the other concerns.

[Anonymous]

Everything you mentioned sounds like normal inconvenience when you live with other people. Think of it this way: they are willing to host you and make accommodations for you. That is a huge gesture and you have awesome family.

1. You don't like the house? No worries, you aren't staying there long.

2. Adult relative who smokes and steals. Is this person related to your spouse? Let him talk to her.

3. Drooling untrained dog. You can have a rule the dog is not allowed in your bedroom. And living there, you'll also help out cleaning so the hair and the nastiness is something you can control.

4. Cooking. Create a weekly schedule of who is making dinner.

5. Far away. Sucks but is temporary. Besides you may need a weekend away. Could be a good thing.

6. Walking. My neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks but the traffic is slow. I never had a problem. Are they on a busy street?

7. Trial run. You are speculating that it would be awful when you haven't tried it yet. You could factor this into your house hunting. Look for a basement in-law apartment.

I think you are making this worse than it has to be. Your family sounds like great generous people.

[Anonymous]

Some of your reasons to be hesitant are more legitimate than others, but overall - living with ILs is an inconvenience, almost by definition. Of course there are downsides. Most people doing this are doing it out of economic necessity. Seldom are doing it to enjoy an extra 20k they don't actually need.

So either you need this enough to put up with it, or you don't. In which case, you'll probably have a hard time toughing it out for 5 months.

[Anonymous]

The smoking would be a deal breaker for me. Even outside of the house, I just don't want to be exposed to that and no way in hell I want my kids exposed to that.
And I probably wouldn't want to be around someone else's dog.

You are going to be a guest in someones home for 4-5 months. You don't get to redecorate the room, that doesn't even make sense for such a short period.
I think if you are 100% happy about it, it can really negatively change your relationship with your ILs. If you lock yourself in your room with a mini fridge and TV you are being distant and they might find it rude.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound particular. That's not intended to knock you, but your posts definitely indicate that you don't have the right personality type to roll with the situation you described for 4 months. So don't do it, it will create unnecessary stress with your in laws that will permanently damage your relationship.

[Anonymous]

This time with your baby will be your forever memories. Unless you have a lot of debt, I would not live with them if I were you. Four months IS a long time. I did 2 months once, and left early, and I didn't have any of the problems you listed. You need your own space with a baby- not just your own bedroom.
I love having me somd $20k too, but this is your life. It's not like you're splurging to live in your own space- that's just a part of life that you can expect to have to pay for when married with a kid. Don't think of it as losing $20k, think of it as living happily.

[Anonymous]

Easy decision. No effin way!

I just value my privacy entirely too much and wouldn't last a week in this situation, even without the adult smoker relative and the drooling, misbehaved, shedding dog.

Find a way to save money elsewhere.

I say this as an old married woman married nearly 20 years with local in laws.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Wouldn't do it. Moved and planned to live with my ILs while we found a house, thinking it would be for a few weeks. When we realized it would take longer to buy a house we rented for 6 months. Best decision ever.

But unclear how you get to a 20K savings? There has got to be something cheap to rent somewhere you will enjoy being. Leave most of your stuff in storage and rent a tiny studio for a few months or something.

[Anonymous]

If it's certain only for four months I'd do it. I'd find a place and sign a contract though to be sure it stays at four months

[Anonymous]

Oh dear God, no!
Don't know the state of your finances, but saving 20K in these cirucmstances is so not worth it!

I've done this with my parents, except that we lasted 2 months in their apartment and had to move earlier than planned because we just could not get along.

For me the deal-breaker is the dog's behavior. The smoker's clothes, the cooking thing, etc are all uncomfortable but don't rise to the level of perpetual face-slurping on a baby.

So draw boundaries now and put your foot down.