If you were a virgin until you married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

That makes sense; I get what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

PP who lost it at 36 here.

MY DH was not a virgin. This was actually something I had thought about prior to meeting him . Would I be ok with it for me it was more important to find someone whose values matched it's not as cut and dry as how long they held on to their virginity. I also realized that a person could be a virgin waiting for marriage and be totally wrong for me. In short it wasn't number one on my list.

In my case DH waited for his wedding to his first wife he was 28 going on 29 at the time. So no he wasn;t a virgin when I met him ,but we had similar values, and he was everything else I wanted in a life partner.

Is your DH much older than you? Did it not bother you that he supposedly saved himself because marriage is so scared , but wasn't married to his first wife long?

[Anonymous]

I was 30 when I got married and was a virgin. My husband also happened to be a virgin, but that wasn't hugely important.

I waited because I didn't want the emotional baggage of having sex (and particularly losing my virginity) and then having the relationship break up. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle it. If my partner could have sex and not get as emotionally involved, I didn't care. I kept my virginity for me, not as some sort of "gift" to give to my spouse.

In hindsight, I also liked that my dating relationships weren't complicated by sex. There were some men that no sex was a dealbreaker, and I respected that, but I also really appreciated the honesty that came with knowing that a person wanted to get together to spend time with me, and not because they were in the mood for sex.

That said, I don't judge others for what they do, nor do I think my approach would make sense for everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused...

Yes, I can see that. And you also have a lot to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

PP who lost it at 36 here.

MY DH was not a virgin. This was actually something I had thought about prior to meeting him . Would I be ok with it for me it was more important to find someone whose values matched it's not as cut and dry as how long they held on to their virginity. I also realized that a person could be a virgin waiting for marriage and be totally wrong for me. In short it wasn't number one on my list.

In my case DH waited for his wedding to his first wife he was 28 going on 29 at the time. So no he wasn;t a virgin when I met him ,but we had similar values, and he was everything else I wanted in a life partner.

Is your DH much older than you? Did it not bother you that he supposedly saved himself because marriage is so scared , but wasn't married to his first wife long?

He is actually 2 years younger and was widowed and takes his vows seriously especially the bit about "in sickness and in health ." Thanks for asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

PP who lost it at 36 here.

MY DH was not a virgin. This was actually something I had thought about prior to meeting him . Would I be ok with it for me it was more important to find someone whose values matched it's not as cut and dry as how long they held on to their virginity. I also realized that a person could be a virgin waiting for marriage and be totally wrong for me. In short it wasn't number one on my list.

In my case DH waited for his wedding to his first wife he was 28 going on 29 at the time. So no he wasn;t a virgin when I met him ,but we had similar values, and he was everything else I wanted in a life partner.

Is your DH much older than you? Did it not bother you that he supposedly saved himself because marriage is so scared , but wasn't married to his first wife long?

He is actually 2 years younger and was widowed and takes his vows seriously especially the bit about "in sickness and in health ." Thanks for asking.

Lol She told you!

[Anonymous]

1. How old were you when you married?
30
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to?
Yes
2. Did you grow up religious?
Churchgoing, yes
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups?
No
4. Was your spouse also a virgin?
No
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you?
Kind of. He had two partners before me, but regretted them, so I got over it fairly quickly.
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality?
That it's something between a husband and wife.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it?
Not really. It did make dating really, really hard.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life?
LOL, no. We have a five month old.
9. Are you male or female?
Female.
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait?
I'd usually wait until it came up, which was always sooner than I'd ever expect. Even if I hadn't planned on waiting, I'd not have been the type to have sex on a first date.

[Anonymous]

1. How old were you when you married? 22
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? Yes
2. Did you grow up religious? No
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? No
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? Yes
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? N/A
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? I tell my oldest (a tween) that DH and I waited till marriage, but it is his decision but it is a heavy decision. You must respect the people you have sex with.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? Yes, magical wedding night
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? Yes, DH has very high sex drive
9. Are you male or female? Female
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? Not generally, other people don't get it, but my mom and sister know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.[/quote?]

Some people want instant gratification, others value delayed gratification. If doesn't just apply to sex but also other areas of life.

[Anonymous]

1. How old were you when you married? 26
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? yes
2. Did you grow up religious? no
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? not that i know of?
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? no
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? no
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? i don't know for sure - the oldest is only three. i guess, be safe, have fun, don't get involved with anyone already involved with someone else.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? no. yes.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? yes
9. Are you male or female? female
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? do you mean romantic partners? with them, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

Some people want instant gratification, others value delayed gratification. It doesn't just apply to sex but also other areas of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a person who values virginity for themselves would be o.k. with marrying a person who didn't value their own virginity to the point where you are glad that they have experience. What's the point of holding out again? I'm confused...

Some people are fine just making choices for themselves and not dictating what others have to do.

I guess I would expect this to be a pretty important value if you are willing to wait until your wedding night. I understand not caring to dictate what others do. But I would think you would want your spouse to share the same values that you do.

I'm also confused as to how an experienced person (one who has not held back) would be o.k. with waiting for their wedding night to have sex with their bride/groom. Seems like that would be torture. I'm not putting them down for waiting, just wondering why they would be o.k. with waiting....hope that makes sense.

Some people want instant gratification, others value delayed gratification. It doesn't just apply to sex but also other areas of life.

[Anonymous]

1. How old were you when you married? - 20
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? - yes, 50 years
2. Did you grow up religious? - no
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? -no
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? - yes
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? - N/A
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? - Told them that I was glad I waited until marriage and that they should respect potential sexual partners, that there was more to consider that just their sexual desired.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? - no, yes. I am glad we got to share the journey of learning about sex together. Plus didn't have to worry about if i was being compared to previous sexual partners.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? We did until about 10 years ago, then it started tapering off. I am 72, my wife is older.
9. Are you male or female? Male
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? yes, if the subject come up.

I think I may be the first male to answer these questions, but my answers don't seem to differ much from those of the women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I got married and was a virgin. My husband also happened to be a virgin, but that wasn't hugely important.

I waited because I didn't want the emotional baggage of having sex (and particularly losing my virginity) and then having the relationship break up. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle it. If my partner could have sex and not get as emotionally involved, I didn't care. I kept my virginity for me, not as some sort of "gift" to give to my spouse.

In hindsight, I also liked that my dating relationships weren't complicated by sex. There were some men that no sex was a dealbreaker, and I respected that, but I also really appreciated the honesty that came with knowing that a person wanted to get together to spend time with me, and not because they were in the mood for sex.

That said, I don't judge others for what they do, nor do I think my approach would make sense for everybody.

Tis is gibberish...to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. How old were you when you married? - 26
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? - yes
2. Did you grow up religious? - yes because religion is a part of my life. My religion(Hindu) didn't have anything to do with my decision, however.
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? -I guess. I still put a high emphasis on mental connection, friendship, empathy, common values first. Mental connection = physical connection.
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? - no
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? - kind of. I made peace with it after understanding what a genuinely nice guy he was.
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? - Told them that I was glad I waited until marriage and that they should respect potential sexual partners, that there was more to consider that just their sexual desired.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? - no because that's the way I wanted it. Definitely worth it.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? Very
9. Are you male or female? Female
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? It was de rigeur to wait till marriage growing up in India. Hence that question never came up. Things have changed now