Any married AA moms keep maiden name?

[Anonymous]

I am a married AA with one child, who did not change her name- mostly for professional reasons. Though now that I've landed my "dream job" I think that I may next year. My child is still in daycare, but I think it may become more of an issue when he's in elementary.

But I have to be honest, when I fill out forms for my DS, I do wonder if people assume that I'm unmarried. It doesn't bother me if they do because I was raised by my single unmarried mom and had neither my mom or dad's last name (for cultural reasons), but I do wonder if it will bother my DS when he gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not AA so I never thought of the reason you gave for not changing your name. (I did not change my name). But an AA colleague of mine said the same thing-- she wanted the same name as her child, which would likely be her husband's name.

This. AA woman here. I wanted the same last name as my chidren so I changed my name when oldest was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting. i am a biracial married woman, no kids. when i come across women who kept their birth name, i assume they are professional and accomplished.

To include AA women who keep their name?

yes, all women who keep their names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an AA woman. Who cares whether people think your child was born out of wedlock? Why are people even thinking about this?

I did not change my name when we first got married, but changed it later. I like having our names the same because we adopted our kids, so it's a point of commonality. Otherwise, would. not. care. Do what feels right for you. People who are going to make assumptions about who you are will just find some other basis for their assumptions.

Truth be told, it does impact they way that people deal with you and your children. I could not care less about how people deal with me, but in my case, certain things were done at daycare that directly impacted my DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an AA woman. Who cares whether people think your child was born out of wedlock? Why are people even thinking about this?

I did not change my name when we first got married, but changed it later. I like having our names the same because we adopted our kids, so it's a point of commonality. Otherwise, would. not. care. Do what feels right for you. People who are going to make assumptions about who you are will just find some other basis for their assumptions.

Truth be told, it does impact they way that people deal with you and your children. I could not care less about how people deal with me, but in my case, certain things were done at daycare that directly impacted my DD.

Really??? Like what?!?!?

[Anonymous]

here's another twist.
At our school there are many single moms (of varying races) who share a last name with their children because there is no father involved. I've come to realize that when a child has a different last name from the mom it likely means that there is a dad who is married to the mom.

[Anonymous]

To be totally honest, any assumptions I make are not based on race. Regardless, I would assume a child born out of wedlock and cared for by the mother would have the mother's last name, not the father's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:here's another twist.
At our school there are many single moms (of varying races) who share a last name with their children because there is no father involved. I've come to realize that when a child has a different last name from the mom it likely means that there is a dad who is married to the mom.

interesting point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an AA woman. Who cares whether people think your child was born out of wedlock? Why are people even thinking about this?

I did not change my name when we first got married, but changed it later. I like having our names the same because we adopted our kids, so it's a point of commonality. Otherwise, would. not. care. Do what feels right for you. People who are going to make assumptions about who you are will just find some other basis for their assumptions.

Truth be told, it does impact they way that people deal with you and your children. I could not care less about how people deal with me, but in my case, certain things were done at daycare that directly impacted my DD.

Really??? Like what?!?!?

Would also like to know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how many married AA mothers keep their maiden names. I never considered taking DH's name but have thought about it a couple times since we've had DD. Honestly my concern is that people might automatically assume DD is "another black child born out of wedlock" or from a broken home if we have different last names. I know it's probably silly, but is this something you assume when you see an AA mother/child with last names don't match?

You could give everyone you meet handouts detailing the date when you got married and the date when your DD was conceived and have photos and sonograms with time stamps to back it all up and people would STILL make stupid assumptions about the "legitimacy" of your relationship and your household because of stereotypes. That's just how ignorance works. Still, I wouldn't get my britches in a bunch over it cause as far as stereotypes go the popular broken home presumption is only one of MANY your DD will have to face and probably the least significant. Your DD knows who she is, where she comes from, and can see for herself the loving parents caring for her and that's all that matters. F%k what the ignorant folks think.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I decided that I would hyphenate my name and the kids will get my hyphenated last name when we have them. Works for us! Though I think my in-laws will be shocked when we have the baby and it wont have their family name (well not totally anyway).

[Anonymous]

After children some women change their names legally for paperwork, travel, use in school situations, etc, but keep their maiden professionally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't going to change my name, but DH did not like hyphenated names. He did ask me if I would change it just before our wedding, though in my mid/late 30's I'd just always assumed I would not. I did before DC was born and I am glad now that we all have the same name. It's nice to be able to say this is not something 'Smiths' do. Or the 'Smiths' love blah-blah. Feeels like we are a unit.

I had never thought of the whole wedlock thing, but I do believe that's totally accurate. There is an assessment of what kind of AA you are by those in social realms or in the work place, it happens day in and day out.

This is so true, sadly

+1
This is true and I've taken this into consideration too (another AA woman)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After children some women change their names legally for paperwork, travel, use in school situations, etc, but keep their maiden professionally

I didn't change my name until kids came into the picture. My DH was insistent that the kids birth certificates have my name match his.

[Anonymous]

I'm half AA and kept my name. I'd rather smoke out the people who make the assumptions and challenge them. Then again, I'm confrontational! But if someone explained how this might actually negatively affect my child I might reconsider.