Rec sports -- ever have a coach that is condescending to kids?

[Anonymous]

sounds like you are not playing rec sports. because you made no mention of the coach's kid on the team. So you are paying for this coach?

I coach and have coached many years, at times I am exactly like this coach and at times I am the dream coach everyone thinks they want, happy, saying good try etc but at the end of the day you want either want the kids to progress or realize you are using the team as after care.

The kids who work hard make it easy, the kids who have no motivation, ruin it for others and at 8-10 chances are with little effort they could all be at the same level but it appears your kid is not putting in the work.

If the weather you are talking about is yesterday, my team, same age was in shorts an t shirts because they got too hot from working and wanting to do more.

sounds like you have joined the wrong team, the coach simply wants the kids to improve and is seeing what they are made of.

[Anonymous]

In 10 years of rec, I have definitely seen parents pull their kids from bad coaches.

[Anonymous]

It is rec soccer. I was wondering during the practice if he had a kid on the team b/c it didn't appear that he was calling any of the boys by name, so I couldn't tell. DH said that one of the boys was identified as his son at the end. Based on what I saw, I thought he might just be some guy who didn't have kids and wanted to coach soccer. Usually volunteer coaches are dads/moms who by definition have some understanding of kids and the importance of having fun in rec soccer.


I do think it is valuable to think of it like a teacher --

if a teacher physically stripped clothing off a child (invading personal boundaries); or

asked them to do a math problem (without telling them how to do it) and then separated them into groups who do it right on one side of the class and groups who do it wrong on the other (shaming); and

then told your kids "I'm the bossman! When you are here with me, your parents don't exist!" (demanding control instead of earning respect)

--- it would raise eyebrows.

He is a volunteer -- so I do have some sense of beggars can't be choosers and I am typically grateful to anyone who steps up to coach -- it is a lot of work. We'll keep an eye on him during practices/games + See how the boys react to him. DH said coach's final comments were that he's all about discipline and boys this age need discipline, etc. That is true, but IME coaches generally do that with an equal dose of fun/kindness.

I don't trust him -- I've never said that about a coach and I've been through 6 seasons of rec soccer before this.

And no -- it's not "after care" for anyone. It doesn't start after school and the kids come from different schools.

I hope he does warm up, but I can also see my son (and others) wanting to quit if the coach continues in this manner. Inevitably my son will screw up a play or be inattentive or goofy... he's 8... that's what he does... and then getting yelled at for it. My kid isn't in rec soccer to get demeaned. It doesn't matter if they lose every game... he's here to have fun and get exercise.

[Anonymous]

This is not a rec program, but my kids Tae Kwon Do teacher can get too harsh sometimes. He is very strict and has high expectations, which is fine. But, I have noticed on a few occasions that he will really lose it on a kid and yell and scream at him/her. He's never really gone off on one of my kids, but I've felt uncomfortable when he has done it to other kids. These episodes seem to come more around belt test or tournament times when he's trying to get them all to focus and be prepared for the event. He has reprimanded my kid when he's been goofing off (deserved and appropriate), but I'm not sure how I'd react if he started screaming and yelling and lecturing one of them. My DH thinks I'm overreacting and that the kids need to learn how to handle it. It may be a cultural thing with him, I'm not sure. I don't expect him to be all touchy-feely all the time, but there's a line and to me he crosses it sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like you are not playing rec sports. because you made no mention of the coach's kid on the team. So you are paying for this coach?

I coach and have coached many years, at times I am exactly like this coach and at times I am the dream coach everyone thinks they want, happy, saying good try etc but at the end of the day you want either want the kids to progress or realize you are using the team as after care.

The kids who work hard make it easy, the kids who have no motivation, ruin it for others and at 8-10 chances are with little effort they could all be at the same level but it appears your kid is not putting in the work.

If the weather you are talking about is yesterday, my team, same age was in shorts an t shirts because they got too hot from working and wanting to do more.

sounds like you have joined the wrong team, the coach simply wants the kids to improve and is seeing what they are made of.

I think you are taking rec sports a little too seriously. Its supposed to be fun. Lighten up, dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is there is always a shortage of Rec League Coaches. I have coached and have been an assistant. And I assisted on a team where the coach only wanted help when he could not make it. Rec Coaches do not get paid. If you are not happy, volunteer. You know as much as the coach does.

+1 I've known parents with zero experience of soccer coaching at this age. It's house soccer, for goodness sakes. My kids, now in HS have had everything under the sun in terms of coaches in several sports. Some good, some bad, just like their teachers. Somehow they've managed to survive without me hovering or interceding. If you're worried this guys style you can discuss it with him or pull your kid. This is just recreation, after all.

What I would say from what I have seen is that coaches, like teachers, appreciate those who are easiest to teach -- these are going to be the kids who are into the subject/sport and not goofing off all the time. I know sometimes with my boys, coaches have started out very stern to set the tone, then loosened up as the kids have shown they can follow the rules and everyone knows each other better. Your son's coach may be doing everyone a favor by actually laying down some rules and structure. The kids who are into the sport are going to appreciate it and the ones who aren't won't feel so out of control or anger from their teammates. I can remember my oldest griping about kids who goofed off when he was on a rec league at 8. Think he might have appreciated your son's coach.

[Anonymous]

I'm a rec coach for a different sport. I'm a big believer in positive coaching overall -- especially for House. The top goals for Rec sports are to have fun and to end the season with the KID wanting to come back for more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is there is always a shortage of Rec League Coaches. I have coached and have been an assistant. And I assisted on a team where the coach only wanted help when he could not make it. Rec Coaches do not get paid. If you are not happy, volunteer. You know as much as the coach does.

+1 I've known parents with zero experience of soccer coaching at this age. It's house soccer, for goodness sakes. My kids, now in HS have had everything under the sun in terms of coaches in several sports. Some good, some bad, just like their teachers. Somehow they've managed to survive without me hovering or interceding. If you're worried this guys style you can discuss it with him or pull your kid. This is just recreation, after all.

What I would say from what I have seen is that coaches, like teachers, appreciate those who are easiest to teach -- these are going to be the kids who are into the subject/sport and not goofing off all the time. I know sometimes with my boys, coaches have started out very stern to set the tone, then loosened up as the kids have shown they can follow the rules and everyone knows each other better. Your son's coach may be doing everyone a favor by actually laying down some rules and structure. The kids who are into the sport are going to appreciate it and the ones who aren't won't feel so out of control or anger from their teammates. I can remember my oldest griping about kids who goofed off when he was on a rec league at 8. Think he might have appreciated your son's coach.

+1. When I coached, most people thought I was a asshole after the first practice or two. Once I got the structure and the sense of discipline I wanted, I eased up a lot. But I needed to set the tone that while the sport is "fun," it still requires hard work. I also told all of my teams (and their parents) that during practice and games, they were to listen to me and the assistants first and their paretns second. I would not not have worded it the way that coach did, but I made it clear that I was not going to battling a parent for a kid's attention during a practice or a game.

As a fellow parent, I think you have to look at your personal goals for the season. If you want your son just to have fun and hang out with buddies under the guise of soccer, that is fine. A coach like this is probably not the best situation. If you want your kid to have a more intense experience, develop and take the sport a bit more serious, a more serious minded coach would likely be better. As the parent of kids who played from early childhood through college and who played rec and club ball, the things you describe would not trouble me just yet. I would need a couple more training sessions to make a decision.



Signed,

Former Rec and Club coach