Rec sports -- ever have a coach that is condescending to kids?

[Anonymous]

We've always had coaches that were patient and positive with the kids. Some weren't so great with the skills or strategy, and I know it was hard for them to pull all their patience together for various situations, but I've never had any complaints about their basic temperament and communication skills.... until now.

Granted, it's only been the first practice, but this coach rubs me (and my son) the wrong way. I never saw him be condescending directly to my son, -- I saw him be that way with the whole team or individually with other boys. He communicates in a way that is like "don't you know this!??" in tone. He didn't tell the boys how to do a particular skill, but he just told them all to do it (one by one) and then separated them into groups of -- one group being the right group, one group being the wrong group. Then he told them how to do it. He physically unzipped and removed hoodies from several kids and told them to "relax and play" -- even though we had 40 mph wind gusts throughout practice.

(these kids are 8-10 yrs. old).

He hasn't done anything egregious, but my son said it felt like the coach was yelling at them the whole time. He wasn't yelling like he was mad, he just talks with the attitude of "don't you know anything?". One parent said it's his cultural style -- he's from an African country based on his accent (which may also make it harder for the boys to understand him).

I feel like this coach will not handle it well if the boys make mistakes during games. He told the boys "when you are here, your parents dont' exist!" --- I get the idea that he doesn't want the boys distracted with parents on the sidelines, but ---what???? I don't trust him.

Have you ever had a coach that didn't seem very kid friendly in rec sports?

[Anonymous]

You seem to be the same troll who had their thread pulled last weekend. I think you are trying to incite racial tensions - stop it. It's not funny or cute.

[Anonymous]

Really, PP? Not having read the other thread, I didn't get that vibe from OP at all.

Anyway, OP, I think you have to wait and see. The coach may not make all the mistakes you worry he will make. If he does, your options are to team up with other parents and ask him to change his attitude; try to live with it; or leave the team. In any event, it is a good life lesson for your child - he will learn to deal with fractious characters.

[Anonymous]

What sport is this and where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be the same troll who had their thread pulled last weekend. I think you are trying to incite racial tensions - stop it. It's not funny or cute.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

My question to other parents is: how did you deal with a coach who is not very nice in his communications with kids? Did your child ever refuse to continue? If the someone talked to you like the coach talks to the kids, would you put up with it? If so, why? If not, did you still keep your child on the team? Did your child become stronger as a result? Did the coach's bark turn out to be worse than his bite?

I'm not saying remedial action is urgent. I have just never seen a coach with so little grace around the team. I can't imagine that complaining to the league would be beneficial. I also hate to see my child resent or dispise his coach when he's had such awesome role models for coaches in the past.... men (and women) who really exhibited patience and positivity... who established a report with my child that made him want to do better and be better. I can't see that happening with this guy.

Sport = soccer.

Where I live --- irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I would let them play.
8-10 is old enough to handle less hand holding and coddling for sports within reason and nothing you mentioned sounds unreasonable or harmful.
The kids may actually learn how to play soccer.
You can always pull your kid out.

[Anonymous]

Is the coach the dad of one of the players, op? Has he coached before? Maybe first day jitters?

[Anonymous]

I read in an article that parents should ask themselves if their child's teacher treated them the way the coach is would they stand for it? The article was challenging those in elite sports (not rec) that put up with a huge amount of ill-treatment so their kids can get good coaching. But the same question is certainly relevent in rec ball.

My son was on a team with a coach similar to what you describe for three years. He was a good, but imperfect coach at first (there is not perfect coach). But as time passed became increasingly negative, snippy, mean to the weaker players, and combative with officials and other coaches. It got progressively worse as the boys got older. Ultimately the team fell apart. I wish we'd left long before we did. My son liked his teammates and he was not particularly "bothered" but the tough-guy coach. But it was horrible example to be around in terms of sportsmanship. All the parents were walking on eggshells because the coach gave off a "unstable vibe."

You don't yet know how your coach will behave in a competitive situations, but that's another thing to consider. . .my guess is it won't be pretty.

[Anonymous]

I like PP's suggestion to think about this as if it were a teacher. Would you want your kid dealing with that? (BTW, I am a 5th grade teacher).

Was there any positive commentary, like at the end where he gathered everyone and said, "Hey, I know I pushed you, and in the end you got the skills...With hard work and practice, we're going to do great..."

If your gut says it's not okay and makes you uncomfortable, then simply pull them. Soccer should be fun. And it's okay for the kids to learn and be challenged. But the shame-based method of teaching is one that should not be employed.

Give it another week or so.

[Anonymous]

The problem is there is always a shortage of Rec League Coaches. I have coached and have been an assistant. And I assisted on a team where the coach only wanted help when he could not make it. Rec Coaches do not get paid. If you are not happy, volunteer. You know as much as the coach does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be the same troll who had their thread pulled last weekend. I think you are trying to incite racial tensions - stop it. It's not funny or cute.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

My question to other parents is: how did you deal with a coach who is not very nice in his communications with kids? Did your child ever refuse to continue? If the someone talked to you like the coach talks to the kids, would you put up with it? If so, why? If not, did you still keep your child on the team? Did your child become stronger as a result? Did the coach's bark turn out to be worse than his bite?

I'm not saying remedial action is urgent. I have just never seen a coach with so little grace around the team. I can't imagine that complaining to the league would be beneficial. I also hate to see my child resent or dispise his coach when he's had such awesome role models for coaches in the past.... men (and women) who really exhibited patience and positivity... who established a report with my child that made him want to do better and be better. I can't see that happening with this guy.

Sport = soccer.

Where I live --- irrelevant.

On the contrary, it's very relevant, because it goes to your credibility. No teams around the DC region have been able to practice yet due to field conditions. So, we want to know just how much of a liar you are.

I guess this is where you chime in and say you're not in DC.

[Anonymous]

Some teams practice on Turf. however, I do not know of any rec league practicing yet. Currently, the rec leagues are just past forming the teams. I am guessing OP is from further south, maybe the Carolinas....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be the same troll who had their thread pulled last weekend. I think you are trying to incite racial tensions - stop it. It's not funny or cute.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

My question to other parents is: how did you deal with a coach who is not very nice in his communications with kids? Did your child ever refuse to continue? If the someone talked to you like the coach talks to the kids, would you put up with it? If so, why? If not, did you still keep your child on the team? Did your child become stronger as a result? Did the coach's bark turn out to be worse than his bite?

I'm not saying remedial action is urgent. I have just never seen a coach with so little grace around the team. I can't imagine that complaining to the league would be beneficial. I also hate to see my child resent or dispise his coach when he's had such awesome role models for coaches in the past.... men (and women) who really exhibited patience and positivity... who established a report with my child that made him want to do better and be better. I can't see that happening with this guy.

Sport = soccer.

Where I live --- irrelevant.

On the contrary, it's very relevant, because it goes to your credibility. No teams around the DC region have been able to practice yet due to field conditions. So, we want to know just how much of a liar you are.

I guess this is where you chime in and say you're not in DC.

I am in the DC metro area (Va to be specific) and our leagues are practicing this week. But, you sound a lot like the condescending coach -- you know everything about all teams in the entire DC region... not.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a bitchy parent. Maybe the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is there is always a shortage of Rec League Coaches. I have coached and have been an assistant. And I assisted on a team where the coach only wanted help when he could not make it. Rec Coaches do not get paid. If you are not happy, volunteer. You know as much as the coach does.

Well that may not b true -- most leagues require the rec. coaches to go through training and get licenses even if it is a parent; and the training includes child development segments so they can focus on what is developmentally appropriate for the age. Our rec coach parent know a lot more than I do!