Ok Cupid and match

[Anonymous]

Pretty much everyone I can think of met their SO through online dating or at a bar. Actually can't think of anyone who my friends or relatives would know. My family is older and lives out of DC. My sister once set me up with a girl she worked with and it didn't go well. If I ever get divorced I will hit online hard to find dates and maybe someone someone special. IME married people will get tired of hanging out with their divorced friend.

And interests? Coed soccer and kayaking not my thing. I work, take care of kids, and if i have time work on restoring an old car. Chicks not so much into restoring old cars. And everyone I work with is married or in 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is online dating the automatic default when someone wants to date? Do you people live in caves where nobody has friends, relatives, coworkers who can introduce them to people? Meet-up doesn't work either, even when a single-oriented group?

Online subjects someone to every dating game known to humanity. Plus, everybody is so witty and charming over a message, but in person, vastly different. Some better in person, others not.

Because its the 21st century. You act like there are bars that attract only 40 something singles. Even in my 20s, I dated online in addition to meeting guys out and about. It's another avenue.

Nobody is saying anything about bars and statistically they are the worst place to meet someone although everyone can point to an exception. OK, online is one more avenue, granted, but over and over it has been proven that you are most likely to meet a mate through friends, work, interests. It's because they know or see you in real life and can be vetted more carefully. Your friends are not likely to set you up with a loser.

To the PP who is down on online dating, why would you say that? Do you have a problem with online dating? I resisted online dating for years, but eventually I realized that I was being stupid and only hurting myself by denying myself a perfectly good way to meet men. I've been married to DH, who I met on Match, for seven years now and we have a beautiful DD.

Online dating does work for some people so why be so negative [b]about it?

Sorry, wasn't trying to be negative but making the point that it is an automatic instead of looking at tried and true ways that have always worked.

Ok, but I think you you know that they don't 'always' work anymore. Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is online dating the automatic default when someone wants to date? Do you people live in caves where nobody has friends, relatives, coworkers who can introduce them to people? Meet-up doesn't work either, even when a single-oriented group?

Online subjects someone to every dating game known to humanity. Plus, everybody is so witty and charming over a message, but in person, vastly different. Some better in person, others not.

Because its the 21st century. You act like there are bars that attract only 40 something singles. Even in my 20s, I dated online in addition to meeting guys out and about. It's another avenue.

Nobody is saying anything about bars and statistically they are the worst place to meet someone although everyone can point to an exception. OK, online is one more avenue, granted, but over and over it has been proven that you are most likely to meet a mate through friends, work, interests. It's because they know or see you in real life and can be vetted more carefully. Your friends are not likely to set you up with a loser.

To the PP who is down on online dating, why would you say that? Do you have a problem with online dating? I resisted online dating for years, but eventually I realized that I was being stupid and only hurting myself by denying myself a perfectly good way to meet men. I've been married to DH, who I met on Match, for seven years now and we have a beautiful DD.

Online dating does work for some people so why be so negative [b]about it?

Sorry, wasn't trying to be negative but making the point that it is an automatic instead of looking at tried and true ways that have always worked.

Ok, but I think you you know that they don't 'always' work anymore. Times have changed.

You should know, not you you know, sorry

[Anonymous]

Sigh. I'm a little less sure than you are, OP, that I'm ready. But I'm hesitantly dipping my toe into OkCupid. I haven't even completed my profile, but I've been browsing. Have seen only a few men I could picture myself dating. I'm not sure I have the personality for the online dating process, but am trying to get myself used to it.

I've also joined some meet ups and immediately got some "nibbles" from a couple of guys, but no one I'm interested in so far. I have also started putting out feelers among friends to see if anyone knows anyone. But I don't know a lot of people who are friends with single, age-appropriate guys, so I'm resigned to eventually having to concentrate on OkCupid.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I'm a little less sure than you are, OP, that I'm ready. But I'm hesitantly dipping my toe into OkCupid. I haven't even completed my profile, but I've been browsing. Have seen only a few men I could picture myself dating. I'm not sure I have the personality for the online dating process, but am trying to get myself used to it.

I've also joined some meet ups and immediately got some "nibbles" from a couple of guys, but no one I'm interested in so far. I have also started putting out feelers among friends to see if anyone knows anyone. But I don't know a lot of people who are friends with single, age-appropriate guys, so I'm resigned to eventually having to concentrate on OkCupid.

Good luck to you.

If someone is not attractive to you or has a totally different lifestyle, that's one thing, but think about giving someone a chance. Lots of people had no immediate interest in their current SO and are now very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I'm a little less sure than you are, OP, that I'm ready. But I'm hesitantly dipping my toe into OkCupid. I haven't even completed my profile, but I've been browsing. Have seen only a few men I could picture myself dating. I'm not sure I have the personality for the online dating process, but am trying to get myself used to it.

I've also joined some meet ups and immediately got some "nibbles" from a couple of guys, but no one I'm interested in so far. I have also started putting out feelers among friends to see if anyone knows anyone. But I don't know a lot of people who are friends with single, age-appropriate guys, so I'm resigned to eventually having to concentrate on OkCupid.

Good luck to you.

If someone is not attractive to you or has a totally different lifestyle, that's one thing, but think about giving someone a chance. Lots of people had no immediate interest in their current SO and are now very happy.

Yes, you're right, I'm aware of that. One of my most meaningful and hot relationships was with a guy I wasn't interested in at first and who won me over gradually. But so far in my limited outings, the guys who've been hitting on me are not attractive to me AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me want to start a matchmaking business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me want to start a matchmaking business

Start the DCUM matchmaking service.

[Anonymous]

Man who had good results on OK Cupid. Only met three of the women, but two led to relationships and one is friend. There were also some who I was not attracted to, but that doesn't mean they weren't perfect for someone else.

[Anonymous]

I have been on both, little luck with either. I have put on some weight due to a medical condition, I am about a 14 and had always been a 10. Only guys who message me are really unattractive or very overweight. Not one single reply other than a no from those I message.

[Anonymous]

11:10 with an update here, a week later.

I completed completed my profile & added a picture. I've been getting lots of visitors and "likes" and several messages a day. I have found a few guys I like and some of them turned out to be "mutual likes". I haven't had the guts to message any of them.

I've responded to a few messages, engaged in some back and forth with several men. Only one of them has kept it up and seems interested enough and willing to chat a bit more before meeting. I like him a lot online, but am not sure if he'll be attractive to me in person. We are probably meeting next weekend and I'm looking forward to it.

I guess this is probably good enough? Overall, I'm not too excited about the site, although it's an entertaining time-waster. When I'm bored, I answer more questions, play around with my search criteria, ponder the weirdness of some of the messages I'm getting.

I think I'll have to suck it up and be more willing to meet quickly after a couple of messages? Or is it safer to message for a while before meeting? Judging from my limited 1-week experience so far, it seems guys will lose interest quickly if I'm not up for meeting them right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:10 with an update here, a week later.

I completed completed my profile & added a picture. I've been getting lots of visitors and "likes" and several messages a day. I have found a few guys I like and some of them turned out to be "mutual likes". I haven't had the guts to message any of them.

I've responded to a few messages, engaged in some back and forth with several men. Only one of them has kept it up and seems interested enough and willing to chat a bit more before meeting. I like him a lot online, but am not sure if he'll be attractive to me in person. We are probably meeting next weekend and I'm looking forward to it.

I guess this is probably good enough? Overall, I'm not too excited about the site, although it's an entertaining time-waster. When I'm bored, I answer more questions, play around with my search criteria, ponder the weirdness of some of the messages I'm getting.

I think I'll have to suck it up and be more willing to meet quickly after a couple of messages? Or is it safer to message for a while before meeting? Judging from my limited 1-week experience so far, it seems guys will lose interest quickly if I'm not up for meeting them right away.

Man here. I don't believe in the meeting immediately. Usually it is a couple of messages for three days, a call, and then meet.

[Anonymous]

I love OKC. I have met up with maybe two dozen people I met via the site. I find the match algorithm fairly accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:10 with an update here, a week later.

I completed completed my profile & added a picture. I've been getting lots of visitors and "likes" and several messages a day. I have found a few guys I like and some of them turned out to be "mutual likes". I haven't had the guts to message any of them.

I've responded to a few messages, engaged in some back and forth with several men. Only one of them has kept it up and seems interested enough and willing to chat a bit more before meeting. I like him a lot online, but am not sure if he'll be attractive to me in person. We are probably meeting next weekend and I'm looking forward to it.

I guess this is probably good enough? Overall, I'm not too excited about the site, although it's an entertaining time-waster. When I'm bored, I answer more questions, play around with my search criteria, ponder the weirdness of some of the messages I'm getting.

I think I'll have to suck it up and be more willing to meet quickly after a couple of messages? Or is it safer to message for a while before meeting? Judging from my limited 1-week experience so far, it seems guys will lose interest quickly if I'm not up for meeting them right away.

Good enough in terms of volume/traffic? Sure, it's fine.

Re: meeting up quickly, or not. Did the guys who "lost interest" specifically ask you out, and you said no, that you'd like to talk for awhile longer first, and then they stopped messaging? If not, don't sweat it. People stop messaging for all sorts of reasons, and if they didn't specifically ask you to meet and you declined/delayed, then you don't know it's because you wanted to wait.

Re: safer to chat for awhile first - I don't think so, really, and I'm a woman. I think safety is more about the information you divulge/what you do on the date, rather than how quickly you meet them. If you meet someone in person after 3 messages or 300, there's really no difference safety-wise if you a) don't tell them your last name or where you work or live and b) don't go to their home/keep the date public.

If it helps, I've been doing the online thing on-and-off for close to a year now, and it takes awhile to get comfortable with it. It's been much better/easier in the last few months than it was in the first few. In my experience, most people who are going to ask you to meet do so within a week-10 days of daily messaging, and then the date happens within another week or so, so you don't sound like you are moving especially slow. The ones who don't ask within that period generally fade on their own at some later point, if I keep messaging them.

Also, don't get discouraged if someone asks you out, but then the date doesn't actually happen. This happens 30% of the time, in my experience. I've never been actually 'stood up' as in, sitting at a restaurant waiting, but they will ask to reschedule after making concrete plans, or throw out a vague "hey would you like to go for drink" and you say yes, and then they never actually make concrete plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is online dating the automatic default when someone wants to date? Do you people live in caves where nobody has friends, relatives, coworkers who can introduce them to people? Meet-up doesn't work either, even when a single-oriented group?

Online subjects someone to every dating game known to humanity. Plus, everybody is so witty and charming over a message, but in person, vastly different. Some better in person, others not.

Because the methods you describe go slower and are far from foolproof either. Someone might be a great buddy but a terrible husband.