For the guys you reject, do you tell them what they need to hear?

[Anonymous]

Unless they specifically ask you for feedback, I wouldn't tell them a thing.

People do not take well to unsolicited advice, esp. regarding themselves...hahaha...so I wouldn't say a thing.

Besides why should you care? Unless you have something invested in them, just move on and let them find out on their own.

Who knows?? Maybe they will meet someone who will actually find their idiosyncrasies endearing.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Overwhelming response not to tell. But in terms of the guy who talks too much, I WOULD want to know how I came across IF it is something I could change.

[Anonymous]

I think the only time you should tell is if it's a bad habit. For example, he has disgusting table manners or picks his nose in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Overwhelming response not to tell. But in terms of the guy who talks too much, I WOULD want to know how I came across IF it is something I could change.

You might want to know, but he's not asking, so you don't have anyway to know if he wants to know. He's just as likely to think you're bitchy for dumping him and giving him what he might perceive as a put-down after. Plus, only a couple of dates? NFW. Only if they ask for feedback.

[Anonymous]

OP, what about your dating flaws/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Overwhelming response not to tell. But in terms of the guy who talks too much, I WOULD want to know how I came across IF it is something I could change.

What is talking too much to you (and honestly maybe most people) may be just fine for a different woman. These men didn't ask you, you can't help. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Guy here:

If I ask, then you can be honest IF...it's something that I can actually do something about.

But do not tell me if it's because: I'm bald, have big ears, am too short, or any other characteristic that is out of my control.

Chances are though that a guy won't ask. In which case it's not incumbent on you to offer advice.

[Anonymous]

Ziva David's lack of a lot of colloquial English expressions were delightful.

[Anonymous]

I will give them honest feedback if I think it is (a) something they can change and be better off, and (b) wouldn't hurt their feelings. or (c) if there's nothing they can do about it, but it's not an inherently bad thing, like them being too young for me or not wanting to be a stepdad or something like that.

In your case, OP, I might tell the first guy that I felt we didn't have enough in common. Some women absolutely wouldn't care that a guy doesn't have common references - they'd find it sexy that he was foreign. And he probably can't change, other than just being here in the US longer and hearing more idioms.

With the second guy, I think that is something that he could probably change, and that it would be good for ALL his interactions, not just dating, for him to know that. You'd be doing him a real service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what about your dating flaws/

So, how do you react if you tell the guy that he talks too much, and his response is that you are really boring? Or you tell him his English isn't so good, and he points out that your haircut is unflattering and your wear too much makeup?

Seriously, it is not your job to fix people who aren't even asking your advice. Both of these men were married before, so it's not as if they are novices to relationships.

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear the feedback for why you are still in the dating pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a 99.9% likelihood it will not be well received and will do no good, and that they will turn it around and think and/or say nasty things to or about you. So if your motive is to "help," I think it's somewhat futile. I'd just move on.

Exactly. Unfortunately, most men are babies, and they will act like a baby does when confronted with their faults.

The best thing to do is ice someone out. I once text cancelled on a dinner date at the last minute (interestingly enough, I didnt actually had a reason, but my intuition was pinging like crazy, so I made up an elaborate excuse about having to work late and being so sorry about not being able to make it) and this loser would not stop texting me for maybe 2 days. He accused me of "leading him on" even though I had literally met him once and agreed to go on a date and that was it. Wish i had saved the barrage of texts to submit to creepyPMs- he must have sent me 50+ messages, at the least (This was in the days before Apple allowed you to block numbers on the iPhone so I couldnt do anything to stop the texts). And I was extremely polite when I cancelled.

Moral of the story? Men are crazy and it's really not something you want to fuck with. Cut your losses and move on- you dont need to be the recipient of some ragebaby's vitriol.

LOL! I'm sorry but this is a hilarious story. But I agree with your advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant guy already knows damn well that his colloquial English isn't as good as a native speaker...this will not be brand new information to him.

My husband is an immigrant and also is lacking a lot of colloquial English expressions. It's sometimes cute/funny and sometimes annoying, but overall a pretty minor thing in a great relationship. As pp's have said, it won't be a dealbreaker for the right person. That's not you so just move along.

Same. It's OPs issue that she uses weird idioms, not the guy's.