Mother refuses to support herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not an addict. She doesn't even drink.

My sister saw an attorney a couple of hours ago. She can't take the house from my sister. My mother does not have money for an attorney. It's just a threat. [/quotes] sounds like you all are playing into and getting something out of this drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's name is on the deed but not the loan? I'm not sure how that works. I think she should consult a lawyer and get out of the house, but ultimately it's up to your sister to do damage control here and set up healthy boundaries for herself. You can't do that for her.

What you can do for yourself is not start giving your mom money and keep firm with healthy boundaries.

Yes. They added her name to the deed, but you can't just transfer a loan. Being upside down on the house made a second transaction impossible with $30K to cover the gap. My sister was helping her out so she could buy the other place. My mom couldn't rent it out for what she was paying for it or sell it.

My sister does not want to move her family out. She is planning to stop being considerate and my mother will want to leave. I suspect if my mother can't sleep until noon on the couch everyday, she won't be as comfortable there. My mother asked to move in with me. That's never going to happen. After she called my sister a c*nt and told me she didn't care if she ever spoke to me again, I don't care if she has to sleep in her car. My sister and I are 40ish, and way too old for this crap. I'm so over it, but I'm upset that my sister is upset.

[Anonymous]

Your sister sounds as crazy as your momma.

[Anonymous]

The three of you sound a bit unhinged and could use the professional services of a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Actually, what would be crazy is to pull her teens (one is a senior) out of their school and incur all the moving expenses when my mother has no way of getting the water or electricity turned on. How long can she live there like that? She owes almost $1K to the electric company from her last house.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is kinda screwed. The money she's spent over the last 7 years is a sunk cost (as a PP noted). Your mother's name needs to get off the deed and the only way to do that is to resolve the loan issue. My advice is to work with a real estate agent that specializes in short sales. (We went through this recently). Once the borrower (your mother) misses a couple of payments, the loan holder is usually willing to negotiate a short sale rather than let it go into foreclosure (the loss is less). Your sister would then make an offer.

Like I said, we just went through this - we were the ones upside down on a mortgage. If your mom/sister are in Virginia, I would recommend Pam Collins ipacindustries at cox.net as the short sale agent. If you're not in Virginia, she might be able to recommend someone where your mom/sister are.

[Anonymous]

Your sister needs to move out. She can find a local apartment if she doesn't want to pull the kids out of school. Forget about your mother. She is toxic and a waste of time. If she has to live without electricity or water, then that is just too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister needs to move out. She can find a local apartment if she doesn't want to pull the kids out of school. Forget about your mother. She is toxic and a waste of time. If she has to live without electricity or water, then that is just too bad.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has a job, but had made less than $5K per year for the last few years. She insists that's she's looking for another job, but hasn't found one in 2 years. Her house was foreclosed on last year and she's been sleeping on my sister's couch. My mother is a hateful woman and my sister wants her out. She's 56 years old and physically capable of working.

I pulled a few favors and found her an efficiency. As a favor to me, my friends were willing to waive all deposits and even turn the utilities on in their name. My sister and I said we'd pay for 3 months rent, but she needed to find a way to pay her own rent after that. She refused that offer.

My sister and mom made a deal for my sister to take over payments of her place, so she could buy the house that she recently lost. They added my sister's name on the deed, but didn't change the loan. The value of the place dropped significantly and my mother owed much more than it was worth. My mother now insists that it is her place and she wants my sister and her family out. Her plan is to continue living there without paying until the bank takes that one back too. My sister has been paying the mortgage and making improvements on it for seven years.

We have no idea what to do with my mother. She insists she will be taking my sister to court over this fight. What really needs to happen is my mother needs to take some responsibility to take care of herself. She says we owe her because she raised us. It is amazingly difficult to help someone who feels like she is owed a life provided by someone else. My father took care of her long after they divorced. He died almost 2 years ago and it's been a train wreck ever since.

We have a brother, but he had been living with and supporting her for the last 2 years, with thousands in credit card debt to show for it. He's stepped back, and I can't blame him.

She's toxic and hateful, along with asking for the world. We don't know what to do with her.

Any chance your Mom's name can go back on the deed? Yeah, it would suck for your sister to lose those 7 years, but in the end it might be priceless for your sister to be rid of that monkey on her back. Your Mom seems to be determined to ruin her life in any way, shape or form. Don't let her take you guys down with her

[Anonymous]

She sounds clinically depressed or maybe early dementia. Take her to a specialist.

[Anonymous]

Has your brother let you in his room yet ??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds clinically depressed or maybe early dementia. Take her to a specialist.

She has always been like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your brother let you in his room yet ??

Wrong thread?

[Anonymous]

Wait, your mother is 56 and you and your sister are "40ish."
So your mom was 14 when she had you? Is that correct?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is happening to your family, OP. Is there any way you could get your mother into some family therapy? Would you all participate?

These things have a nasty way of inadvertently getting passed on though the generations, although it may look differently.