Feeling irrationally hurt after convo with DH about sex

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should feel insulted. Saying sex is great is....great. That's a good thing.

I will say as someone who sees both sleep and sex as needs, don't underestimate the need for sleep. The toddler years are hard. The fact you are having sex this often and of great quality with a toddler is really amazing. We had sex 3-4 times a week then, but maybe "great sex" once a week. Be happy.

[Anonymous]

Oh brother. Seriously? You were "hurt" by this interaction?

[Anonymous]

Don't be hurt, OP. Listen to what he said and not how he said it. Do think about whether you can shift some of your sexual activity to times when he's not asleep. Sleep deprivation is HARD on everyone!

[Anonymous]

You were overreacting, OP. Your interaction sounded all good, and your DH sounds great. And now I'm wondering how you will interpret my post because it sounds a lot like your DH!

As PPs said, he's a guy, perhaps he's not as eloquent as you, at least when he's exhausted. But it sounds like you have a great bond and a very healthy sex life.

[Anonymous]

OMG, consider yourself talked down. He did his best, "appreciate" and "great" is about all my DH would have in his vocab to describe the deed. For some reason sex turns him into a 12 year old boy and he can't talk about it with big words. This is a very common phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others that you're reading too much into this. It may be because your emotional nerves are frayed due to lack of sleep (a common reaction to lack of sleep), or because of your personal history in this area. Are you seeing anyone to help you with the trauma part? If not, you might really benefit from it. It sounds like you're making excellent progress in terms of physically engaging, but it sounds like you may still be struggling emotionally with what happened.

[Anonymous]

If you heard something in his tone that was less than 100% it might be because he does appreciate your effort and he is happy about the sex you're having when compared to how it was but he doesn't want to fully commit because he might have ideas that it could be better still.

[Anonymous]

I don't unserstand why his words were offensive. Great sex sounds all good to me. Also, my husband uses the word "fine" all the time. My b cups are "fine." That doesn't exactly make me feel amazing, but the bottom line is he seems pretty happy while we're having sex. I'd go by that!

If you sulk, you're punishing him for having done nothing wrong, and you're going to make future sex awkward and uncomfortable. I think you're both tired and you are being irrational. You sound like me when I have PMS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you heard something in his tone that was less than 100% it might be because he does appreciate your effort and he is happy about the sex you're having when compared to how it was but he doesn't want to fully commit because he might have ideas that it could be better still.

More likely, the sex is good and he's feeling badgered about it.

[Anonymous]

Overthinking.
Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I'm having a hard time figuring out what OP is hurt over. Op, I assume you are in therapy. That's wonderful. Please bring up this situation with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a very strong person for learning to do things differently in your life. Whether your feelings are justifiable by someone else's reckoning isn't the important point. The important point is that you are able to share your feelings, fears, and vulnerability with your husband. Neither of you are going to be "right" every time, and that's ok. Doesn't mean he doesn't love and value you and vice versa. You have no idea how impressed I am by what you are a

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a very strong person for learning to do things differently in your life. Whether your feelings are justifiable by someone else's reckoning isn't the important point. The important point is that you are able to share your feelings, fears, and vulnerability with your husband. Neither of you are going to be "right" every time, and that's ok. Doesn't mean he doesn't love and value you and vice versa. You have no idea how impressed I am by what you are a

Meant to finish: able to do in your relationship!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a very strong person for learning to do things differently in your life. Whether your feelings are justifiable by someone else's reckoning isn't the important point. The important point is that you are able to share your feelings, fears, and vulnerability with your husband. Neither of you are going to be "right" every time, and that's ok. Doesn't mean he doesn't love and value you and vice versa. You have no idea how impressed I am by what you are a

Meant to finish: able to do in your relationship!

Hi Op's husband. You are so sweet!

[Anonymous]

Man here. Allow me to translate the flat "it's fine" response. What he meant by that was that he'd really rather have sex at a different time and not after midnight. However he also knows that if he suggests this that in all likelihood he'll (a) not actually get the earlier sex, and (b) probably won't get the after midnight sex either. So he says that "it's fine." He realizes that this is what is on the table and he is accepting it without making a fuss.

As far as the comment about appreciating the effort and that the sex is great, allow me to translate: He appreciates the effort and thinks the sex is great.

BTW, from his responses I'd say he's basically everyman.