I am totally alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For example, I was changing DC's diaper the other day, and a mom noticed it was cloth (hard to hide) and said, "Oh, I bet you think you're better than me because you use cloth and I use Huggies." It was strange, so strange. I didn't know what to say and just muttered something about it being cheaper. I have a really hard time dealing with up front people and knowing what to say when I'm directly challenged.

In sorry, but that didn't happen like that, out of the blue.
I really think this is made up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this problem has followed you to a new area, then the issue is you. You're doing something to make these people not like you.

Thank you, I'm aware.

[Anonymous]

How do you jump to the conclusion that the moms think you are weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Most people are more worried about how you might be judging them to judge them.
2) Many (most?) people feel weird and alone at least sometimes, and in many cases often.

This.

OP, if anything you might have anxiety or mild depression. I would pursue treatment for that. Talk to your GP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example, I was changing DC's diaper the other day, and a mom noticed it was cloth (hard to hide) and said, "Oh, I bet you think you're better than me because you use cloth and I use Huggies." It was strange, so strange. I didn't know what to say and just muttered something about it being cheaper. I have a really hard time dealing with up front people and knowing what to say when I'm directly challenged.

In sorry, but that didn't happen like that, out of the blue.
I really think this is made up

Agreed. Either op is missing some of the story or she really warps what she hears. I don't think the church question was anything more than someone asking if you go to church. Are you always looking for reasons to feel offended so you can continue to play the victim? I actually know people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You learn to make such awkward situations into ice-breakers:

Oh, I supposed you think you're better than me for using cloth diapers while I use Huggies.
---Nope. I'm new around here, but most of my friend from back home use disposables too and think I'm weird, but it works better for me. Hi, I'm Alice. And the wiggly one is Larla. How are you?

---Sunday morning sounds great! But we'll be a little late.
Why? Because you have church?
---Yeah, we're new around here and church is comforting especially since we didn't know anyone. But we'll be there as soon as we can.
or if you don't want to mention church (or it isn't church)
---Oh, we just have a commitment first thing that morning. But we'll be there as soon as we can. We're looking forward to seeing you!

I've found that many people don't seem to know how rude their first comment is. So, I try to avoid taking offense from a first comment and try to turn it into a conversation starter. Respond, but don't react and don't be either judgmental or defensive in your first response. Make the first response be one of "that's just the way it is or that it works for me." and open a conversation. Sometimes it doesn't work, but it only needs to work once or twice before you'll start making friends. Often people like the disposable diaper mom are feeling defensive for some reason and if you can calm their defensive instincts they're very nice. For all you know, that mother's sister or sister in law is a rabid cloth diaper user who constantly gives her crap about using disposables. I've found that if you keep early topics neutral, you can actually have more conversations with strangers who may become friends.

Thanks, this is really helpful. I really just do my own thing and am surprised people are so confrontational about it. I hate confrontation.

And about church - yes, we go to church and are fairly devout. I had naively assumed things would be easier on that front in a small town, but surprise! I learned quickly not to even mention it, which makes me sad sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You learn to make such awkward situations into ice-breakers:

Oh, I supposed you think you're better than me for using cloth diapers while I use Huggies.
---Nope. I'm new around here, but most of my friend from back home use disposables too and think I'm weird, but it works better for me. Hi, I'm Alice. And the wiggly one is Larla. How are you?

---Sunday morning sounds great! But we'll be a little late.
Why? Because you have church?
---Yeah, we're new around here and church is comforting especially since we didn't know anyone. But we'll be there as soon as we can.
or if you don't want to mention church (or it isn't church)
---Oh, we just have a commitment first thing that morning. But we'll be there as soon as we can. We're looking forward to seeing you!

I've found that many people don't seem to know how rude their first comment is. So, I try to avoid taking offense from a first comment and try to turn it into a conversation starter. Respond, but don't react and don't be either judgmental or defensive in your first response. Make the first response be one of "that's just the way it is or that it works for me." and open a conversation. Sometimes it doesn't work, but it only needs to work once or twice before you'll start making friends. Often people like the disposable diaper mom are feeling defensive for some reason and if you can calm their defensive instincts they're very nice. For all you know, that mother's sister or sister in law is a rabid cloth diaper user who constantly gives her crap about using disposables. I've found that if you keep early topics neutral, you can actually have more conversations with strangers who may become friends.

Thanks, this is really helpful. I really just do my own thing and am surprised people are so confrontational about it. I hate confrontation.

And about church - yes, we go to church and are fairly devout. I had naively assumed things would be easier on that front in a small town, but surprise! I learned quickly not to even mention it, which makes me sad sometimes.

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

Yes, because one person said something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

Yes, because one person said something.

So one person said something that you may have interpreted the wrong way and that equates to no one liking you because of church so you can never bring it up? Because one person said something that doesn't even seem that bad?

I second the pP who says to find a therapist. You seem to be depresses and maybe self sabotaging so you can stay in this state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example, I was changing DC's diaper the other day, and a mom noticed it was cloth (hard to hide) and said, "Oh, I bet you think you're better than me because you use cloth and I use Huggies." It was strange, so strange. I didn't know what to say and just muttered something about it being cheaper. I have a really hard time dealing with up front people and knowing what to say when I'm directly challenged.

In sorry, but that didn't happen like that, out of the blue.
I really think this is made up

I grew up in the Midwest and I can totally believe this happened. When I return home for visits after having lived on the East coast for 20 years I get hit with defensive attitudes all the time from people assuming that I will think I'm better/smarter/more educated than they and they are very quick to jump on the offensive. And in fact it even happened before I moved away the first time. I saw this sort of snotty attitude all the time from people in the town in rural northern Missouri where I went to college. I was a waitress and there was a certain segment that really enjoyed talking loudly about how dumb college students were while you were bringing them their drink refills. And I'll never forget the time I was living in Kansas City and some old guy checking us out at the supermarket overheard me say I lived in the city and out of the blue leaned over and said, "What, Johnson County not good enough for you?" (To which, yeah, actually, with losers like him living there....not to mention Brownback these days. But he was working on nothing but his own low self-esteem there.)

That said, of course these losers were just a very small subset of the population and I'm sorry they're the people you're first encountering, OP. It's not you. It's definitely them. And it's also true that a lot of people don't necessarily realize how they sound and actually aren't intending to be jerks, so I like the PP's idea of turning comments into icebreakers when possible. But the diaper lady was just a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

Yes, because one person said something.

So one person said something that you may have interpreted the wrong way and that equates to no one liking you because of church so you can never bring it up? Because one person said something that doesn't even seem that bad?

I second the pP who says to find a therapist. You seem to be depresses and maybe self sabotaging so you can stay in this state.

I am trying to find one, because yes, I am pretty depressed. I don't know if is is self-sabotaging, though. I see it as avoiding people who make me feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

Yes, because one person said something.

So one person said something that you may have interpreted the wrong way and that equates to no one liking you because of church so you can never bring it up? Because one person said something that doesn't even seem that bad?

I second the pP who says to find a therapist. You seem to be depresses and maybe self sabotaging so you can stay in this state.

I am trying to find one, because yes, I am pretty depressed. I don't know if is is self-sabotaging, though. I see it as avoiding people who make me feel bad.

But you are only assuming people will make you feel bad. Other than the Huggies incident, this all seems to be in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But you are only assuming people will make you feel bad. Other than the Huggies incident, this all seems to be in your head.

I can say for certain that I've never read anything on DCUM that jives with my religious and political beliefs - and they're pretty hateful about it! I can't imagine people in this new town are any different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But you are only assuming people will make you feel bad. Other than the Huggies incident, this all seems to be in your head.

I can say for certain that I've never read anything on DCUM that jives with my religious and political beliefs - and they're pretty hateful about it! I can't imagine people in this new town are any different.

Well, presumably you attend church with people who share at least some of those beliefs. It seems like it would be easier to make friends with those people and use the "this is what works for our family right now" line about why you work (against your faith) on them. At least they would maybe semi-approve of the rest of your lifestyle and wouldn't make you feel like a weirdo.

I am now totally curious what faith and political orientation you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because one person said something? I'm beginning to see why you have no friends.

Yes, because one person said something.

So one person said something that you may have interpreted the wrong way and that equates to no one liking you because of church so you can never bring it up? Because one person said something that doesn't even seem that bad?

I second the pP who says to find a therapist. You seem to be depresses and maybe self sabotaging so you can stay in this state.

I am trying to find one, because yes, I am pretty depressed. I don't know if is is self-sabotaging, though. I see it as avoiding people who make me feel bad.

It seems like it doesn't take much to make you feel bad though. So you could end up avoiding a lot of people.
I don't say this to pile on, but to point out that therapy may help you more than you think it will.