drinking alcohol in front of kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO you have a question? she's insane, but you know that.

Has anyone out there dealt with this? How can I put the subject to bed already? I can't even handle her visits anymore. Even if I say, we're fine, we're confident things are ok, we're not abusive people, we just enjoy a beer here and there, DS is fine, he will have a good childhood, she just goes tsk tsk. We're not going to never drink again in the hope that our kid will never touch alcohol (and FWIW, despite my mother's attitude about alcohol, I drank as much as the rest of them during college).

"Mom, I'm no longer justifying my choices to you. I'm done talking about this topic." *subject change*

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for everyone's feedback. I think a short, confident push back is in order here. My mother is very confident in her own life anecdotes about great uncle so and so (she uses the same ones over and over again) so I need to be confident right back. She'll try to get the final word-- these days her final word comes down to "I'm older than you therefore I've SEEN and EXPERIENCED more"-- but at that point, I feel like all I can say is being older doesn't make one any less ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Drink in front of the kids whilst everyone is watching TV and cleaning their guns!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

You're a clueless idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

All raging drunks? Really, PP?

Well, I was exaggerating. But there's this myth that the Europeans handle alcohol more responsibly than Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for everyone's feedback. I think a short, confident push back is in order here. My mother is very confident in her own life anecdotes about great uncle so and so (she uses the same ones over and over again) so I need to be confident right back. She'll try to get the final word-- these days her final word comes down to "I'm older than you therefore I've SEEN and EXPERIENCED more"-- but at that point, I feel like all I can say is being older doesn't make one any less ridiculous.

I'd point out it is important to model good behavior with alcohol too. It's not always about the negative. I'm assuming the two of you are not falling down drunk and driving intoxicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for everyone's feedback. I think a short, confident push back is in order here. My mother is very confident in her own life anecdotes about great uncle so and so (she uses the same ones over and over again) so I need to be confident right back. She'll try to get the final word-- these days her final word comes down to "I'm older than you therefore I've SEEN and EXPERIENCED more"-- but at that point, I feel like all I can say is being older doesn't make one any less ridiculous.

Don't engage her. There's nothing you can say that will change her mind. Don't engage when she brings it up. Either change the subject or end the conversation. Be the bigger bitch. Draw the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I like to enjoy a good bottle of wine or nice craft beer on weekends. We've gone to breweries for lunch and never saw sitting in front of our toddler with a beer as a major sin. In fact, it seems like a common thing these days. I can't imagine every child at Dogfish Alehouse is headed for detox in ten years.

My mother, on the other hand, has started sticking her nose into this and insisting we're going to turn DS into an alcoholic. She's always been very touchy about alcohol. She had relatives who drank. We're not talking enjoying a good Stout or two or French Bordeaux with friends but 40+ year hard liquor-drinking alcoholics who literally died from it, kidney failure and all. So, yes, it get it. Alcohol upsets her, but I don't appreciate the "I know better" attitude she takes on. She even seems to pride herself on not drinking and will rub it in our faces that wine gives her a headache or she can only stand "a little bit, that's all!"

We honestly don't believe we're turning our kid into an alcoholic. I'm getting tired of the phone conversations that she guides towards the subject of alcohol and passive-aggressive remarks about how parents who drink will have kids who are drinkers. Ok, so every vineyard owning family in Napa is damaging their offspring? The guy who likes to homebrew is ruining his little girl with every growler she sees?

Even my dad used to enjoy a beer or two, but she's knocked that out of him with her Carrie Nation attitude since she shoots him looks if he accepts a bottle. I'm just tired of being made to feel like I'm a bad parent because DH and I had 1-2 beers each on a Friday night or like to go wine-tasting.

This colors her attitude big time. My mom is a 1st generation American (dad too) from Europe and while we are certainly far more American than European, the attitude about booze still pervades. Its just something on the table at meals and definitely at events. People make it in their spare time even. Its a hobby and like good food, its about enjoying the earth and life, blah blah, etc. Dolce vida and all that. So no, I don't think its weird or wrong, if anything I have a really balanced attitude about it as do all the 'kids' in my family who are in their 20s. I didn't even know what the word teetotaler was until I was maybe in college?! Ha! Especially because I am from a heavily Catholic area so the idea of not drinking for religious reasons were very foreign.

I plan to do about the same. I remember tasting my grandpa's decidedly NOT craft beer around 7 or 8 and thinking "this is gross, I'll never want to drink this"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

All raging drunks? Really, PP?

Well, I was exaggerating. But there's this myth that the Europeans handle alcohol more responsibly than Americans.

Europe is a big continent. I think generalizing is stupid. There is tons of binge drinking in some countries, less in others. I did it myself as I posted about my "European" family. I'll be more specific. Southern Italian, wine and beer grappa and sambuca are on tables all the time with meals. I've also been to bars in the UK where 1/2 of the place looked about ready to brawl or fight and I was thinking "wow, this is way worse than most college bars even!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

All raging drunks? Really, PP?

Well, I was exaggerating. But there's this myth that the Europeans handle alcohol more responsibly than Americans.

Europe is a big continent. I think generalizing is stupid. There is tons of binge drinking in some countries, less in others. I did it myself as I posted about my "European" family. I'll be more specific. Southern Italian, wine and beer grappa and sambuca are on tables all the time with meals. I've also been to bars in the UK where 1/2 of the place looked about ready to brawl or fight and I was thinking "wow, this is way worse than most college bars even!"

Europe is only slightly larger than the United States, and yet people make generalizations about Americans and alcohol all the time.

It's just funny. "Oh, the Europeans have such healthier attitudes about alcohol."

Oh, really? Met any Russians lately?

[Anonymous]

Ugh yes! Both sets of our parents give me the side eye when I have two glasses of wine on a Friday/Saturday night. I'm not even remotely buzzed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

Yup. We are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know the answer to this.

But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks).

All raging drunks? Really, PP?

Well, I was exaggerating. But there's this myth that the Europeans handle alcohol more responsibly than Americans.

Well, no drunk Europeans shooting each other if that's what you mean by "responsible"

[Anonymous]

I think it would be way weirder to sneak out away from the kids for drinks or to drink secretly in your room..

It's not a deep dark secret. We never drive under the influence. And I don't drink alcohol if the kids have friends sleeping over. You never know when you have to do a 2am trip back to a friend's house to get a forgotten inhaler, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO you have a question? she's insane, but you know that.

Has anyone out there dealt with this? How can I put the subject to bed already? I can't even handle her visits anymore. Even if I say, we're fine, we're confident things are ok, we're not abusive people, we just enjoy a beer here and there, DS is fine, he will have a good childhood, she just goes tsk tsk. We're not going to never drink again in the hope that our kid will never touch alcohol (and FWIW, despite my mother's attitude about alcohol, I drank as much as the rest of them during college).

Sounds like you've tried to be polite and end the conversations, but she's not respecting your decision. If I were you, I'd try, "I'm not having this conversation with you, again." And then mean it. Don't engage. It's unfortunate that she's pushing. Although, from her perspective, she's showing concern and not over-stepping.

I have alcoholics in my family. These individuals were self-destructive and abusive to family members, so I understand your mother's sensitivity. Growing up, I often became anxiety-ridden whenever I saw my father start drinking, because it never ended well. I also witnessed lets-party-and-get-wasted behavior. As an adult, I drink in front of my 5yo. Most often, my husband and I drink wine or beer during dinner. Neither of us our alcohol dependent, nor do we over-indulge, get drunk, drive, fight, neglect our child, or make a big deal out of consuming alcohol. We don't make comments like, "I really need a drink tonight." We're fine with demonstrating responsible, moderate alcohol consumption. We've already started discussions with her about substance abuse and responsibility. I'd rather have her exposed to responsible consumption at this stage in her life than the inevitable irresponsible behavior that she'll encounter in high school or even younger. Hopefully, she'll have common sense and a point of reference.