drinking alcohol in front of kids
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Anonymous
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DH and I like to enjoy a good bottle of wine or nice craft beer on weekends. We've gone to breweries for lunch and never saw sitting in front of our toddler with a beer as a major sin. In fact, it seems like a common thing these days. I can't imagine every child at Dogfish Alehouse is headed for detox in ten years.
My mother, on the other hand, has started sticking her nose into this and insisting we're going to turn DS into an alcoholic. She's always been very touchy about alcohol. She had relatives who drank. We're not talking enjoying a good Stout or two or French Bordeaux with friends but 40+ year hard liquor-drinking alcoholics who literally died from it, kidney failure and all. So, yes, it get it. Alcohol upsets her, but I don't appreciate the "I know better" attitude she takes on. She even seems to pride herself on not drinking and will rub it in our faces that wine gives her a headache or she can only stand "a little bit, that's all!" We honestly don't believe we're turning our kid into an alcoholic. I'm getting tired of the phone conversations that she guides towards the subject of alcohol and passive-aggressive remarks about how parents who drink will have kids who are drinkers. Ok, so every vineyard owning family in Napa is damaging their offspring? The guy who likes to homebrew is ruining his little girl with every growler she sees? Even my dad used to enjoy a beer or two, but she's knocked that out of him with her Carrie Nation attitude since she shoots him looks if he accepts a bottle. I'm just tired of being made to feel like I'm a bad parent because DH and I had 1-2 beers each on a Friday night or like to go wine-tasting. |
Anonymous
| DO you have a question? she's insane, but you know that. |
Anonymous
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You know the answer to this.
But I give it about five posts until someone posts the canard about how Europeans have a more sophisticated attitude about alcohol (hint: They don't. They're all raging drunks). |
Anonymous
Has anyone out there dealt with this? How can I put the subject to bed already? I can't even handle her visits anymore. Even if I say, we're fine, we're confident things are ok, we're not abusive people, we just enjoy a beer here and there, DS is fine, he will have a good childhood, she just goes tsk tsk. We're not going to never drink again in the hope that our kid will never touch alcohol (and FWIW, despite my mother's attitude about alcohol, I drank as much as the rest of them during college). |
Anonymous
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I'm French and I don't like wine (Bonjour PP!). However I am all for drinking responsibly as a family, when the children are old enough, to prevent binge-drinking and the allure of the forbidden. Your mother sounds like my mother - completely wrapped up in herself and absurdly proud of her little idiosyncrasies. |
Anonymous
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I rarely drink - I think I have 1 glass of wine in the last 2 years and have alcoholics in my family and I can't imagine you are doing anything wrong. It sounds like your mom has issues with alcohol and doesn't want anyone around her, especially people she loves, to drink alcohol. That is not her decision to make.
I would probably have a conversation with her about it and then afterwards, anytime she brings it up remind her that it is not a topic for discussion. I bet she will just get loonier about it as she ages. |
Anonymous
| Set some boundaries with her. Simply don't engage with her around this. You're playing into the dynamic and thus helping keep it going. Be confident in your choices and let it go. |
Anonymous
All raging drunks? Really, PP? |
Anonymous
| French PP again - I ignore my mother as much as I can, and limit contact. You know it's the only thing you can do. You can't change her. |
Anonymous
| I would just tell her she's being ridiculous and then just ignore. |
Anonymous
| Agreed that it's important to model/teach moderation in all things (wine, dessert, etc.) |
Anonymous
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IDK, maybe:
"Thanks mom, I know you care. I understand where you're coming from, but for the past hundreds of years there have been billions of parents who drank occasionally in front of their children, and I'm sure most of those kids didn't turn out to be alcoholics. Yes, there's always a chance, but there's a chance my kids will get shot by a lunatic at school but that won't stop us from sending our kids to school." My DH drinks in front of my ES age kids. They know it's a grown up drink. We have no fear they will turn into alcoholics. |
Anonymous
| Set the boundary. Tell her you've made your decision and you're not discussing it. Then stop discussing it. If she beings it up in a call, end the call. If it happens when she visits, leave the room. Stop inviting her. Either still stop or she won't, depends whether contact with y'all is more important to her than her position on this issue. |
Anonymous
That's what I'd do. "Mom, you're being ridiculous." I know it's popular to do the repeating thing, saying "these are our choices" etc., but I tend to think sometimes more of a harder reply is necessary. And those replies have a defensive tone, IMO. She's judging you, why not let her know what you think about her?" And the longer explanations only open it up to more discussion. But I also have a relationship with my mom that I can say that and all hell wouldn't break loose. I might use a different tack with my MIL. |
Anonymous
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"Hey, Mom. Yes, DH and I have a beer or glass of wine here and there. Frankly, by only drinking one or two, we're modeling responsible alcohol consumption to our child. We're nowhere in the ballpark of *names of alcoholic friends*. So, I'm not talking about this anymore…."
*Mom protests* "No, really, Mom, I'm getting off the phone. Bye!" *click* |