I'm anxious & assume everyone hates me

[Anonymous]

I adore women in their 70s and seek out friendships with them whenever I can. They are so ripe with "don't give a fuck," I am just in awe. Some of it has actually rubbed off and, believe me, it feels fantastic!

Turning 40 a few years back helped. Having two kids was hugely humbling and did a lot of damage to my type-A perfectionism.

I am a good person and utterly flawed. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I have this tendency. The PPs have it right. I decide I'm not the center of the universe--and everyone is preoccupied with themselves, not me. And I think this: "I'm not that important."

Ok the truth is, of course I'm important, pretty essential, to my DH and kids. But I'm not important to the neighbor and the guy at the store etc etc. They are not sitting around thinking about what I said or did. "I'm not that important" really means "I'm not important enough to X that X would be sitting around thinking about a negative way to interpret my last comment."

Don't indulge yourself when you want to go there in your head. Think of it as a luxury that you have so much leisure time to even be able to go there. So going there becomes sort of being spoiled, so use your mental time for something constructive. Anyways, that's my logic. (not calling you spoiled, just showing you my logic to get myself out of this box)

[Anonymous]

You can retrain your thinking, OP. I'm sensitive and anxious, but not a people pleaser. It took me until I was about 30 to get to the I-don't-give-a-fuck stage.

I grew up with hypercritical parents. My mother was rejecting and picked on me, and would control me by constantly saying things like, "Everyone's staring at you!" I was well behaved, rather quiet, and a nice kid, which was the weird thing. As children do, I believed her and thought everyone was always literally watching me and thinking negatively of everything about me.

So for me, the voices of my inner negative monologue are obvious. I work very hard to change this, as an adult, and it's slow going. Maybe you can look back and see if there are any voices from your childhood that you need to learn to cancel out.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I'm like this too, highly sensitive. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I am so glad you shared this with us because I honestly could have written the exact same post! My jaw dropped when I read the part about people not responding right away to your text messages and the anxiety that ensues afterward!! I thought I was the ONLY one who endured this. I so hear you on that.

I am on medication(s) for my anxiety issues and I still go through what you do so medication does not thoroughly take it all away as one may think.

I am guessing it also takes some cognitive behavioral techniques that may require some in depth counseling as well.

If you decide to go that route, I sincerely wish you all the best.

Being sensitive is truly a legit issue, it's really not so easy to just "grow some balls" and to just "snap out of it."

I wish it were that easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I adore women in their 70s and seek out friendships with them whenever I can. They are so ripe with "don't give a fuck," I am just in awe. Some of it has actually rubbed off and, believe me, it feels fantastic!

Turning 40 a few years back helped. Having two kids was hugely humbling and did a lot of damage to my type-A perfectionism.

I am a good person and utterly flawed. Deal with it.

NP here. I really love this quote, PP. "I am a good person and utterly flawed. Deal with it".
Nobody is perfect, we all have our issues and insecurities and missteps, for a whole variety of reasons, but we do the best we can and the people who care for us will understand that. At 44, I've gotten to the point where I am who I am, and as long as I try to be a good person and good friend then if someone doesn't like me or judges me then f-k it. I am a person who can see my friends' flaws and love them anyway, and I don't have time for people who are unable to do that. It comes with age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I adore women in their 70s and seek out friendships with them whenever I can. They are so ripe with "don't give a fuck," I am just in awe. Some of it has actually rubbed off and, believe me, it feels fantastic!

Turning 40 a few years back helped. Having two kids was hugely humbling and did a lot of damage to my type-A perfectionism.

I am a good person and utterly flawed. Deal with it.

NP here. I really love this quote, PP. "I am a good person and utterly flawed. Deal with it".
Nobody is perfect, we all have our issues and insecurities and missteps, for a whole variety of reasons, but we do the best we can and the people who care for us will understand that. At 44, I've gotten to the point where I am who I am, and as long as I try to be a good person and good friend then if someone doesn't like me or judges me then f-k it. I am a person who can see my friends' flaws and love them anyway, and I don't have time for people who are unable to do that. It comes with age.

Or some people.are.pratically born with confidence, some take time to learn it, and some never do.

[Anonymous]

No advise from me, because I think we are all equally insecure as you. I think it's amazing and so unfair, but there are actually people who don't like me. For instance - Jeff hates me and he likes everyone

Seriously, half the people we meet in life are not going to like us and that's for no particular reason. I don't know if it's instinctual "survival of the fittest" or for some other reason people remain at heart, socially competitive.

So for some reason we seem to like and dislike equal numbers of people for seemingly no justifiable reasons. I've always admired selfless people like clergy who seem to naturally and immediately see the good in people, not the bad.

I just delude myself and believe everyone adores me even though I know they don't. It doesn't really matter because even if I worried about it and tried to be all things to all people, half of them wouldn't like me anyway.

What I just said probably makes little sense, but there are few things about human interactions that do make sense.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't hate you. People like you are my hero. Keep going after what makes you happy, pick yourself back up when you fall, and never let yourself feel like you are inferior or ashamed or like you don't deserve it, because you do.

[Anonymous]

OP, to put it bluntly, nobody cares. Even if you come across as stupid, it's okay. Plenty of stupid people around. Nobody is surprised, because NOBODY CARES LOL

[Anonymous]

Wow op you sound just like me. I'm very introverted and I always feel like I just don't like people. I don't like them because I feel scared and judged by them. I keep my circle very small and I don't like social events like parties with more then 5 people. I tend to go on bindges where I think about every mistake I've ever made socially and have mini panic attacks. Example : I remember lying to kids in first grade about being in the circus. I feel so much guilt over that, sometimes I want to kill myself because I can't make the guilt go away but then I think if I killed myself it would not effect those people I lied to, they don't even remember me or my dumb lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this was me, exactly. I got on Lexapro, and my whole life changed-- no more constant cringing

Me too. 10mg of lexapro and my life has changed. As pp said about he DH and DS, it is suppressed, but not eliminated. The change in my life is amazing. I only wish I started the drugs 20 years ago.

Same here but I was able to stop taking the medication after a while. Not only did I worry about what people were thinking, I worried about plenty of other things that kept me from participating fully in life. I swore I'd never take medication but now I wished I had done it sooner. It literally changed my life.

My DD is now on lexapro. It has been a big help. She still has anxiety but it makes her more receptive to therapy. She has made a lot of progress. Once she has some successes to draw on, she will be weaned off. I missed out on so many opportunities in my teens and early adulthood and i want her to live a fuller life.

Please see someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow op you sound just like me. I'm very introverted and I always feel like I just don't like people. I don't like them because I feel scared and judged by them. I keep my circle very small and I don't like social events like parties with more then 5 people. I tend to go on bindges where I think about every mistake I've ever made socially and have mini panic attacks. Example : I remember lying to kids in first grade about being in the circus. I feel so much guilt over that, sometimes I want to kill myself because I can't make the guilt go away but then I think if I killed myself it would not effect those people I lied to, they don't even remember me or my dumb lie.

Please get help!!! You mentioned that you have considered suicide. You might need to be placed on medication until these feelings pass. Please don't wait. Your situation is an emergency.

[Anonymous]

OP you have some good responses here (not the "tune it out" ones, but the therapy, rewiring your brain and taking medication ones)

You need CBT or meds or both.

Also, please go buy the book "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. You CAN retrain your brain.

You do not have to live with this level of anxiety. It is a life-runier and you are not self-centered or self-obsessd as others have said. You have major anxiety issues and you need to address them.

Life can be much, much better. Go get some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op you sound just like me. I'm very introverted and I always feel like I just don't like people. I don't like them because I feel scared and judged by them. I keep my circle very small and I don't like social events like parties with more then 5 people. I tend to go on bindges where I think about every mistake I've ever made socially and have mini panic attacks. Example : I remember lying to kids in first grade about being in the circus. I feel so much guilt over that, sometimes I want to kill myself because I can't make the guilt go away but then I think if I killed myself it would not effect those people I lied to, they don't even remember me or my dumb lie.

Please get help!!! You mentioned that you have considered suicide. You might need to be placed on medication until these feelings pass. Please don't wait. Your situation is an emergency.

PP is right, get help, get on meds.

I completely relate to what you are dealing with. Lexapro changed my life. I am the PP who said life can be much, much better. And it can.

Please stop looking at your mental illness as a personal failing and please don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up, tune it out and go for a run.

The only place you should be running to is a good therapists, but frankly even your GP can write a script for an SSRI TODAY. Call him/her now, get an appointment for today or tomorrow and you could be feeling relief by the weekend. Life is too damn short to be miserable.

And yes, the SSRIs help make the guilt go away because they help your brain "let go" of the evil, repetitive self-hate chatter.

Make that call now.