Smoking Switcheroo - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW sounds like me. I'd quit and then start up again slowly and then the cravings would just take over my life. I was trying to hide it, but it got harder and harder to do that. I too would make up excuses to get away from my family so I could smoke. I was stressed out about it and worse, I was ashamed.

I finally asked my doctor to prescribe Chantix. It was expensive since it wasn't covered by my insurance and I wasn't sure it would work. I had quit before just to start up again. I smoked while in Chantix for about two weeks I think and then I stopped smoking altogether. That was over two years ago and I haven't had a single cigarette since and don't really want one. When I stopped smoking altogether, DS was three and DD was one.

Sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like to hold a cigarette in my hand and "enjoy" a smoke. But then I recall the smell and the taste, the stress, the guilt, and the shame, and I'm over it.

I know some folks have had issues with Chantix. I personally suffered none of those and am extremely thankful for Chantix. Without it, I would still be a smoker today.

very dangerous drug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW sounds like me. I'd quit and then start up again slowly and then the cravings would just take over my life. I was trying to hide it, but it got harder and harder to do that. I too would make up excuses to get away from my family so I could smoke. I was stressed out about it and worse, I was ashamed.

I finally asked my doctor to prescribe Chantix. It was expensive since it wasn't covered by my insurance and I wasn't sure it would work. I had quit before just to start up again. I smoked while in Chantix for about two weeks I think and then I stopped smoking altogether. That was over two years ago and I haven't had a single cigarette since and don't really want one. When I stopped smoking altogether, DS was three and DD was one.

Sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like to hold a cigarette in my hand and "enjoy" a smoke. But then I recall the smell and the taste, the stress, the guilt, and the shame, and I'm over it.

I know some folks have had issues with Chantix. I personally suffered none of those and am extremely thankful for Chantix. Without it, I would still be a smoker today.

very dangerous drug.

Google Chantix side effects -- be careful. Chantix seems to have killed a lot more folks than these vapor cigarettes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me, too, OP. My husband smoked long before we met -- had been smoke-free for seven years at the time. He was very critical of people who smoke, saying he was able to quit with the patch and it's disgusting, etc. Well, guess what? Being married and having small kids and a demanding job is stressful, and he went back to it three years into our marriage. I hate it and often think about how I never wanted to be married to a smoker and feel like I got tricked into marrying one. It's a total turn-off and affects our sex life and I hate the example it sets for the kids, even though he tries to sneak away. But they will know some day if they don't yet.

But I also think there's really nothing I can do about it. I can't control his behavior. I've told him how much it bothers me and why. He wants to quit and has tried the patch and gum, but is having a harder time. So I just try not to let it get to me and repeat the serenity prayer.

It's funny how I had this conversation with a colleague yesterday about why I DO NOT as a rule date women who smoke, or promise quit for me. My colleague thought I was too rigid, but the truth is, from my experience there are no guarantees that recidivism will not occur...and in both your cases it has.

The truth is, marrying a former smoker is a big risk in every area, so I encourage both you and OP to be supportive and get all available professional help, instead of trying to be too rigid. Separating for a while is a sure way of sending the right message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me, too, OP. My husband smoked long before we met -- had been smoke-free for seven years at the time. He was very critical of people who smoke, saying he was able to quit with the patch and it's disgusting, etc. Well, guess what? Being married and having small kids and a demanding job is stressful, and he went back to it three years into our marriage. I hate it and often think about how I never wanted to be married to a smoker and feel like I got tricked into marrying one. It's a total turn-off and affects our sex life and I hate the example it sets for the kids, even though he tries to sneak away. But they will know some day if they don't yet.

But I also think there's really nothing I can do about it. I can't control his behavior. I've told him how much it bothers me and why. He wants to quit and has tried the patch and gum, but is having a harder time. So I just try not to let it get to me and repeat the serenity prayer.

It's funny how I had this conversation with a colleague yesterday about why I DO NOT as a rule date women who smoke, or promise quit for me. My colleague thought I was too rigid, but the truth is, from my experience there are no guarantees that recidivism will not occur...and in both your cases it has.

The truth is, marrying a former smoker is a big risk in every area, so I encourage both you and OP to be supportive and get all available professional help, instead of trying to be too rigid. Separating for a while is a sure way of sending the right message.

Separate for smoking some fags? Are you a divorce lawyer or just a bitter former spouse?

[Anonymous]

Vape, Vape! Smoked for 30 years, lied to my husband about it, quit for 7 years, took it up again - was in despair. Youngest son got me vaping - and it's been two years. The nicotine was not the hard thing, it was the experience of smoking. Now, when we drink I will vape with my drink, my lungs are clear, I can smell everything, and my vape juice smells like green tea vapor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me, too, OP. My husband smoked long before we met -- had been smoke-free for seven years at the time. He was very critical of people who smoke, saying he was able to quit with the patch and it's disgusting, etc. Well, guess what? Being married and having small kids and a demanding job is stressful, and he went back to it three years into our marriage. I hate it and often think about how I never wanted to be married to a smoker and feel like I got tricked into marrying one. It's a total turn-off and affects our sex life and I hate the example it sets for the kids, even though he tries to sneak away. But they will know some day if they don't yet.

But I also think there's really nothing I can do about it. I can't control his behavior. I've told him how much it bothers me and why. He wants to quit and has tried the patch and gum, but is having a harder time. So I just try not to let it get to me and repeat the serenity prayer.

This is my DH too. Last year he started vaping and it made a tremendous difference to ME. I don't notice it, don't smell it and it really doesn't bother me as much. If you can't get him to quit pp, you may want to see if he'll try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW sounds like me. I'd quit and then start up again slowly and then the cravings would just take over my life. I was trying to hide it, but it got harder and harder to do that. I too would make up excuses to get away from my family so I could smoke. I was stressed out about it and worse, I was ashamed.

I finally asked my doctor to prescribe Chantix. It was expensive since it wasn't covered by my insurance and I wasn't sure it would work. I had quit before just to start up again. I smoked while in Chantix for about two weeks I think and then I stopped smoking altogether. That was over two years ago and I haven't had a single cigarette since and don't really want one. When I stopped smoking altogether, DS was three and DD was one.

Sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like to hold a cigarette in my hand and "enjoy" a smoke. But then I recall the smell and the taste, the stress, the guilt, and the shame, and I'm over it.

I know some folks have had issues with Chantix. I personally suffered none of those and am extremely thankful for Chantix. Without it, I would still be a smoker today.

very dangerous drug.

Google Chantix side effects -- be careful. Chantix seems to have killed a lot more folks than these vapor cigarettes.

Maybe even worse than dying -- my 20 something brother suffered from a "leaking" ass from Chantix side effects. It was horrible.

[Anonymous]

Quitting smoking is so hard. The urge to have one is incredibly strong. I quit for 7 years, and recently started again due to some stressful stuff going on. Now I want to quit again, but when I get that urge, I always think "just this one, and I'll quit soon." Of course, it's never just one because at some point I always want another. My DH is understanding. I don't run out during the day to have one, but wait until DD is asleep and then have one in the back yard.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately you can't make other person stop smoking just because you don't like it, your wife will keep on smoking as long as she wants. Who knows what is the reason? May be she is stressed, may be it is depression, don't judge her and try to talk sincerely, without claims. By the way, I stopped smoking when started to feel less depressed, my husband supported me and offered trying an e-cig (which tasted like a real cigarette but was many times safer).

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. TBH, I think that anyone smoking these days is low class and disgusting. Sorry, but true. I hope she finds a way to quit.

[Anonymous]

Wellbutrin helps with nicotine cravings. vaping is better than smoking. Tell her when she smokes, not to smoke the entire cigarette - just two puffs. Gradually wean down nicotine levels.

Changing up habits help - if you have a cig with coffee in the am then crap - gotta beak the habit. Switch to hot tea and toast, or a protein shake and morning walk.

[Anonymous]

buy her a juuls

[Anonymous]

A smoker has to want to quit.

It helped me to make a list of 10 bad smoking related experiences (like an expensive coat ruined by a cigarette burn).

It helped to switch progressively downward to lower and lower nicotine cigarettes before stopping entirely.

It helped to delay the first cigarette of the day as long as possible because that was the one that triggered the desire for more.

It also helped when I saw the effects of advanced emphysema and a doctor told me that if you smoke, you have at least the beginnings of that.

Acupuncture cut the withdrawal effects 50% for me, so that I could think clearly enough to function during the 10 days of so of physical nicotine withdrawal.

After that, chewing regular gum for a few months helped stave off the temptation to relapse.

[Anonymous]

If she’s otherwise a good woman and wife I would totally overlook it and be supportive. There’s a lot worse things that she could do, like cheat on you or otherwise leave you. This is a relatively small problem in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably in the minority here, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to spend 10 years taking care of a sick spouse who dies early, and then spend the last years of my life sad and alone. I’d lay out my expectations that my spouse come up with a plan for quitting, execute it, have some sort of accountability, and have a deadline that they need to meet or I walk.