My friend is actually considering divorce over her DH's crazy sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something tells OP is maybe, probably, leaving out key details.

OP here. I don't think I am leaving out any key details. My gf has the tendency to date great guys and self destructs after 2-3 years. She is a childhood friend of mine. The difference is that now she is married. She has had about 5 serious bfs that ended badly. I actually think her husband is awesome and don't want my friend to end up single again. Her last serious relationship ended when she was about 30 years old. She was devastated that her bf did not marry her and then turned around and married a new girl within a year. She thought she would not find love again until she met her current husband. I don't think my friend is a golddigger but she is not career oriented. She can't wait to have a baby and be a stay at home mom. His family jokes that she is a stay at home mom with no kids. I think she thought it was funny at first but now she is feeling insulted about it.

It sounds like the problem is your friend, and not her DH. Maybe you just want to see your friend happy, but it sounds like she has a destructive pattern that's rooted in herself.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they need to go to counseling. Your friend needs to better understand mental illness and its impact on family dynamics. She and her DH need to learn how to be supportive of one another. It also sounds like they need to learn how to develop and maintain boundaries with his family. Boundaries are important in any relationship. They're critical when mental illness is involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIG problem if DH doesn't stand with his DW.

Have to agree with this, but honestly, I catch a whiff of immature drama coming off the OP or her friend (or better yet: both). Something about "angry for not sticking by..." First an issue with the sister, now an issue with her own friend? Plus, let's assume the sister (and/or whole family) are trash talking her as a gold digger; why is it she's drawn to a dude from a drama family who is under their spell? Or, the alternative (and fear of old-maid-hood @36 smacks of this): sister is right and she is a little gold-digger/hook a man....

Still...yes, if the family is toxic/nuts and trashing her, and husband isn't taking her side, dump his ass fast...kind of no matter how the rest of it games out (ie, friend can be nutty herself), she should DTMFA because that's going to be a life of out-law misery.

OP here. I hate drama and avoid it as much as possible. This is a childhood friend and I see/talk to her about once a year. I saw her last week and she shared that she wants a divorce. I didn't think divorce was a good idea and she got mad at me. I haven't talked to her since.

She is one of the only childhood friends that I keep in touch with. Our family moved out of state and then I went away to college. This was pre-internet. I don't think I would be friends with her if I met her today. I don't think I will be reaching out to her again anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something tells OP is maybe, probably, leaving out key details.

OP here. I don't think I am leaving out any key details. My gf has the tendency to date great guys and self destructs after 2-3 years. She is a childhood friend of mine. The difference is that now she is married. She has had about 5 serious bfs that ended badly. I actually think her husband is awesome and don't want my friend to end up single again. Her last serious relationship ended when she was about 30 years old. She was devastated that her bf did not marry her and then turned around and married a new girl within a year. She thought she would not find love again until she met her current husband. I don't think my friend is a golddigger but she is not career oriented. She can't wait to have a baby and be a stay at home mom. His family jokes that she is a stay at home mom with no kids. I think she thought it was funny at first but now she is feeling insulted about it.

What do you mean "self-destructs after 2-3 years." What does "ending badly" look like?
If you asked your friend why her serious relationships ended, what would she say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something tells OP is maybe, probably, leaving out key details.

OP here. I don't think I am leaving out any key details. My gf has the tendency to date great guys and self destructs after 2-3 years. She is a childhood friend of mine. The difference is that now she is married. She has had about 5 serious bfs that ended badly. I actually think her husband is awesome and don't want my friend to end up single again. Her last serious relationship ended when she was about 30 years old. She was devastated that her bf did not marry her and then turned around and married a new girl within a year. She thought she would not find love again until she met her current husband. I don't think my friend is a golddigger but she is not career oriented. She can't wait to have a baby and be a stay at home mom. His family jokes that she is a stay at home mom with no kids. I think she thought it was funny at first but now she is feeling insulted about it.

What do you mean "self-destructs after 2-3 years." What does "ending badly" look like?
If you asked your friend why her serious relationships ended, what would she say?

She gets very insecure when the honeymoon phase ends. If the bf wants to hang out with his friends more or doesn't put her as #1 all the time anymore, she gets upset. When they stop having sex 1-2 times per day, she wonders if the guy is no longer attracted to her. If the bf talks to a girl, any girl, she gets jealous. While all this is happening, she would start bringing up engagement and the guy has always walked.

My friend is/was physically attractive so she never had problems getting good men. Her problem is that she cannot hold on to them. This is not my problem.

[Anonymous]

My friend is/was physically attractive so she never had problems getting good men. Her problem is that she cannot hold on to them.

Uh, that's not correct. Physical attributes attract men, not just good men. It sounds like, until now, your friend was able to attract men with some emotional intellect since they broke it off before marriage but that doesn't mean only 'good men' are attracted to her.

[Anonymous]

I usually find that the people who complain loudly about not being "respected" are the ones who are the most disrespectful. Respect is not demanded, it's earned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIG problem if DH doesn't stand with his DW.

Have to agree with this, but honestly, I catch a whiff of immature drama coming off the OP or her friend (or better yet: both). Something about "angry for not sticking by..." First an issue with the sister, now an issue with her own friend? Plus, let's assume the sister (and/or whole family) are trash talking her as a gold digger; why is it she's drawn to a dude from a drama family who is under their spell? Or, the alternative (and fear of old-maid-hood @36 smacks of this): sister is right and she is a little gold-digger/hook a man....

Still...yes, if the family is toxic/nuts and trashing her, and husband isn't taking her side, dump his ass fast...kind of no matter how the rest of it games out (ie, friend can be nutty herself), she should DTMFA because that's going to be a life of out-law misery.

OP here. I hate drama and avoid it as much as possible. This is a childhood friend and I see/talk to her about once a year. I saw her last week and she shared that she wants a divorce. I didn't think divorce was a good idea and she got mad at me. I haven't talked to her since.

She is one of the only childhood friends that I keep in touch with. Our family moved out of state and then I went away to college. This was pre-internet. I don't think I would be friends with her if I met her today. I don't think I will be reaching out to her again anytime soon.

ok you had me until here, OP. Re your friend, you are sort of done with her so really, what's the reason for the post?

I have a pre-internet high school friend that I would not be friends with if I met her today. We get together once a year, about, and this year when home for the holidays I didn't call her. I have another who used to be my best friend (age 2-8) and she's so high drama that I am totally out of contact with her now. It's ok to not stay in touch with people when you've grown apart. It doesn't matter that she is the last childhood one. Life is too short for high-maintenance people who aren't really friends, or know how to be friends.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you care at all about your childhood friend, it might be worth a phone call to her to see how things are going. From your posts, it sounds as if your friend is no longer working as you mentioned the family calls her a SAHM already. If this is true or she has even dropped to part-time work, then it may be a possible reason for the family's attitude towards her. In any case, she might find herself with a much more balanced outlook on life if she got up and out of the house working or volunteering rather than watching the numbers on the calendar. And, if she does tend to go in and out of relationships, then she most certainly should be maintaining her job and benefits. The advice on learning how to handle a relative with a mental health issue is also important so if she care about DH and staying married, she might talk to a counselor a couple of times about that to develop strategies.

[Anonymous]

As you know already, your friend is the problem. Couseling for her ASAP.

[Anonymous]

OP-you say you "hate drama and avoid it as much as possible." If that's true, then why are you posting about your high drama friend that you see once a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIG problem if DH doesn't stand with his DW.

Yup. Problem is not the sister; problem is the husband. Better to be single than with a guy who doesn't stand by you.

OP here. Sorry I wasn't more clear. The sister is mentally unstable. I'm not sure what she has but she has been hospitalized previously. My friend is saying that she doesn't care if the sister is actually crazy, her words are from the heart and not the crazy talking.

Your friend is very ignorant about mental illness. I hope her DH leaves her.