If my husband cheated and I'm the bread winner...

[Anonymous]

Doesn't a judge usually give the mother primary custody of the minor children by default?

Also, since he isn't that in tune already with what the children do or need, I am pretty sure he won't even want custody of them in the event that you both divorce.

By the way, I am seeing tons of cheating and divorce postings on this forum today. (Christmas)

Are these all from you OP?

Just curious.....

[Anonymous]

It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mother almost always gets primary custody unless she's unfit and even then it has to be proven. Not easy to do.

My ex DIL remarried, doesn't work, has primary custody, gets $900 a month child support. Son also pays all medical, dental, vision and for extracurricular activities such as gymnastic classes and piano lessons. He gets his child every other weekend and the weekend following any holiday.

I'm a bit skeptical of this because I'm having a hard time imagining that even if your son paid all of those expenses you mentioned, his mother could put a roof over their heads and food on the table for a mere $10,800 a year.

I was assuming that her new husband works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't a judge usually give the mother primary custody of the minor children by default?

Also, since he isn't that in tune already with what the children do or need, I am pretty sure he won't even want custody of them in the event that you both divorce.

By the way, I am seeing tons of cheating and divorce postings on this forum today. (Christmas)

Are these all from you OP?

Just curious.....

NP here. i JUST met with a divorce attorney who works in DC and MD. the bolded is JUST NOT TRUE for these two jurisdictions. assumption going into divorce is 50/50 joint custody, and the adultery does NOT factor into custody issues, only alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't a judge usually give the mother primary custody of the minor children by default?

Also, since he isn't that in tune already with what the children do or need, I am pretty sure he won't even want custody of them in the event that you both divorce.

By the way, I am seeing tons of cheating and divorce postings on this forum today. (Christmas)

Are these all from you OP?

Just curious.....

NP here. i JUST met with a divorce attorney who works in DC and MD. the bolded is JUST NOT TRUE for these two jurisdictions. assumption going into divorce is 50/50 joint custody, and the adultery does NOT factor into custody issues, only alimony.

True and since the OP indicated that she made twice as much as her DH, she would owe child support in a 50/50 set up. Plus, in the case of adultery, you have to go to court and prove it or have a confession- it is a harder alternative ( and usually much more expensive) than to get a no-fault divorce and you have to think about your children's well being. If the OP wants out the cleanest and with the least harm to her children, she may have to consider a no-fault divorce through mediation and have alimony for a set time period (since he is already working, it would be short and might be less than the additional cost of a court divorce).

[Anonymous]

If you are the wife of the worthless cheating dude who works in a bar, you can get more custody than him. Play hardball.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Divorce is painful no matter what the circumstances are, especially for the kids. However things go down legally, make sure you and your husband continually reinforce your love and committment to your kids.

I'm praying for you guys today. Hang in there!


#HappyNewYear
#Livn'ItUpInCO

[Anonymous]

If you're in VA, get the evidence, you could save a boatload on alimony, which you may end up having to pay if he can show how he sacrificed to help you get ahead in life/career. In DC/MD, it just expedites the divorce so you won't have to wait a year.

Also if he does a large chunk of the childcare things (e.g. pickup/dropoff, activities, etc.) that will be a factor in the judge's decision if you can't reach an agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

There's got to be more to this story. A judge won't keep you from seeing your kids for two years unless there are abuse or maybe addiction ssues. I bet your friend isn't telling you everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

There's got to be more to this story. A judge won't keep you from seeing your kids for two years unless there are abuse or maybe addiction ssues. I bet your friend isn't telling you everything.

+1

Unless that therapist had "Licensed E-Meter Reader" among his credentials, or was the Past Chapter President of NAMBLA or NAMGLA ... I guess that could be how a therapist could cause a mom to get Mad Men-style custody or less in the absence of other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

This just sounds ridiculous! What? There has to be waaaaay more to this story! Did she take the kids to some sort of vodoo healer or some other crazy? Really, this cannot have happened in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

This just sounds ridiculous! What? There has to be waaaaay more to this story! Did she take the kids to some sort of vodoo healer or some other crazy? Really, this cannot have happened in this country.

Her husband was high profile and he had a great lawyer. He told her if you leave me I will destroy you and it happened. Men with power and money tend to win unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally up to a judge. I had a friend who's husband cheated on her she filled for divorce and lost custody because she took her children to a therapist her husband disapproved of. She didn't see her children for 2 years and her parents spent 300k fighting it. She now sees her kids every other weekend. Get a good lawyer because it does matter

This just sounds ridiculous! What? There has to be waaaaay more to this story! Did she take the kids to some sort of vodoo healer or some other crazy? Really, this cannot have happened in this country.

Her husband was high profile and he had a great lawyer. He told her if you leave me I will destroy you and it happened. Men with power and money tend to win unfortunately.

Yep. There was abuse in my mother's case, and she ended up getting primary physical and father got legal- WTF? So father was in charge of every decision, even though judge deemed him unfit to see his children. Judge Robert Thompson, also known for telling a 12 year old that she was asking for it by dressing in a skirt around an older yard worker who raped her. There is so much misogyny in our courts system, and also just plain abuse of money/power. My father was very wealth and spend a couple hundred k on the divorce, whereas my mom was a SAHM, so he hired a killer lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I have evidence of the adultery. I also pay for most of the kid related stuff. He does not do drop offs and picks up as his Mother lives with us and helps with that. However, he is home for dinner first on week nights that he doesn't bartend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally the affair has no effect on determining custody. You would most likely split the kids 50/50 unless the two of you agree to another schedule. Many men ask for 50/50 and then take a lot less once everything simmers down.

You may also end up paying him some alimony in the short term and child support, too.