ILs want to watch DD while we go on holiday, but I have concerns

[Anonymous]

Try an overnight, see how that goes. Honestly, other than moving breakables, who cares about 3 days of Mickey D's over a lifetime. If your kid got that everyday -- that's a problem, but 3 days -- that's a treat and non-life threatening.

[Anonymous]

I don't ever leave my 4 year with my 70 yo mil because she 1) thinks he doesn't need naps (he melts down without them 2) forces food on him (resulting in vomiting more than once 3) thinks I fasten the straps on his car seat too tight (I once caught her driving him in the front seat with no seat belt and not in his car seat (one was in her back seat) bc he cried about getting into it.

So...meh. She can visit whenever she wants but she is never ever going to be in charge. I am totally ok with the fallout that occurs as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will they consent to watch her at your house? It's easier to keep to her routines, and they can keep her in daycare (so food/nap/etc will be preserved and it will be easier for them).

From what you've said, there's no way I'd let them do full time care at their house.

I totally agree with this. And I'd probably make the first trip while you go do an overnight stay somewhere not too far away. I bet they would find the experience much more exhausting than they expect and be grateful to have you back. But you should really try to go and enjoy your couple time for a night. My mom feeds my kids McDonalds almost every day when she watches them and lets them watch a ton of TV. But they are safe and loved and have a great time making wonderful memories, and I don't worry about their safety. The safety part would be the deal breaker for me. But I wouldn't spend too much time dictating what they feed her or do with their time. Although in your own house, you can say, "We bought X, Y and Z food that she likes, so she should have plenty to feed her."

I would try for this too. My mom has always found it easier to watch our kids at our house. Now that they're older it's less of an issue, but when they were young it was so much easier to have a childproofed space full of their own toys. And my mom is in her 50s!

[Anonymous]

If it's not your idea, you don't have to do it. It's your kid. One time my MIL said to my child "You're going to stay with me overnight." It didn't happen. You don't even seem to want a trip without your child. Maybe have them watch for an hour, not 3-4 days, if you even want that. You have my permission to say no. Even your husband didn't sound wild about the idea. My parents at around age 70 did watch my first born when my second was born and did a great job, but it was in my own home and my mom is very nurturing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever leave my 4 year with my 70 yo mil because she 1) thinks he doesn't need naps (he melts down without them 2) forces food on him (resulting in vomiting more than once 3) thinks I fasten the straps on his car seat too tight (I once caught her driving him in the front seat with no seat belt and not in his car seat (one was in her back seat) bc he cried about getting into it.

So...meh. She can visit whenever she wants but she is never ever going to be in charge. I am totally ok with the fallout that occurs as a result.

OMG, your MIL is a serious contender for worst MIL of the year with that. There was a post earlier this fall where a pregnant mom was sharing how she was concerned about her MIL invading her space once the baby was born. One poster shared how her MIL was banned from their house after she took the newborn baby to see a friend several hours away. I thought that post was the winner, but your is just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Good lord, OP. They can't "force" you to go away and leave your child with them. Just say no, thank you, but we want to take DD with us. End of discussion.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs have offered to watch 2 year old DD while DH and I go on holiday for 3-4 days.

ILs are in their mid-70s, not particularly active, both have health problems If their inactivity and health problems will prevent them from taking care of your child, then you can't leave your child with them. By this, I mean, unable, not simply being slower than you and your spouse or less active, but unable.

, and their home is full of fragile (glass) and heavy items at child level that they never put away when we visit. unless you are aware of actual danger, I think it's crazy to think in terms of too many "what ifs". No two people child proof in the same way. I never child proofed at all and we never had a single accident due to the stuff I left out.

They're forgetful, and, so what?

they don't follow our rules when DD stays with them (meaning, naps, bedtime, the type of food we prefer), and even if we left them with a schedule and brought fresh foods or prepared fresh foods with us for DD, they would not give them to her. no biggie. Your child won't starve and when you get her back, she will easily go back on schedule. Kids are so adaptable.

I'm just not comfortable with this. This is your real issue. The other stuff is just attempts at justification. Sometimes it's a good idea to stretch your comfort level because it's good for everyone in the long run. It will be great for your DD to have these times with her grandparents. It will be great for you and DH to be able to have time alone. You likely will never have anyone else who loves and cherishes your DD this much offer to care for her.

Do I just deal with it and let them watch her so we get away or should we just go on holiday with DD (which would be fun, I think, she's at a lovely age!!)? [b]do both. It isn't an either or or.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. Two is very young still. I have a 4 yo and a 2yo right now - I could see the 4yo being ok, but that would be too much for the 2yo.

[Anonymous]

You don't owe them an overnight visit. It's not like it's in a Grandparent Book of Rights or anything. It's not necessary for a good relationship. If they keep trying to "force" you when you're not comfortable for whatever reason, they're the ones doing something wrong.

That said, you might change your mind in a few years, which is also fine. I'd say no now but leave the door open.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I haven't read everything yet, but I can't believe I didn't even think about having them watch her at our home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever leave my 4 year with my 70 yo mil because she 1) thinks he doesn't need naps (he melts down without them 2) forces food on him (resulting in vomiting more than once 3) thinks I fasten the straps on his car seat too tight (I once caught her driving him in the front seat with no seat belt and not in his car seat (one was in her back seat) bc he cried about getting into it.

So...meh. She can visit whenever she wants but she is never ever going to be in charge. I am totally ok with the fallout that occurs as a result.

OMG, your MIL is a serious contender for worst MIL of the year with that. There was a post earlier this fall where a pregnant mom was sharing how she was concerned about her MIL invading her space once the baby was born. One poster shared how her MIL was banned from their house after she took the newborn baby to see a friend several hours away. I thought that post was the winner, but your is just as bad.

The funny thing is... She is great. Funny. generous. Loving. And I love her dearly. But she is completely untrustworthy when it comes to basic safety or common sense decisions because she cannot / will not do anything if it makes my son unhappy or cry. So...positive intent, but bad result.