ILs want to watch DD while we go on holiday, but I have concerns
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Anonymous
| ILs have offered to watch 2 year old DD while DH and I go on holiday for 3-4 days. We haven't made plans, ILs are almost forcing us to go away because they'd like to watch over DD at their home (3 hours drive from our home) without us. ILs are in their mid-70s, not particularly active, both have health problems, and their home is full of fragile (glass) and heavy items at child level that they never put away when we visit. They're forgetful, they don't follow our rules when DD stays with them (meaning, naps, bedtime, the type of food we prefer), and even if we left them with a schedule and brought fresh foods or prepared fresh foods with us for DD, they would not give them to her. I'm just not comfortable with this. DH acknowledges that they don't adhere to the schedule and their food offerings are crap (who doesn't keep any fresh fruit in their home?). DD is a picky eater, but in a way that I don't mind (e.g. she'll prefer fresh fruit and vegetables over canned goods just because that what she's used to at home and her daycare). Do I just deal with it and let them watch her so we get away or should we just go on holiday with DD (which would be fun, I think, she's at a lovely age!!)? |
Anonymous
| OP again, I just made it sound like it's all about food, but I'm concerned about safety too - there's so much that she could break and hurt herself with, and I just don't feel like they keep a good eye on her all the time. They are always so distracted... |
Anonymous
| Let go of things like good choices and schedules. It's just a few days, let them spoil her. If you are worried about actual safety issues, then no. |
Anonymous
| They may pay more attention if you are not there as backstop. |
Anonymous
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It doesn't sound like you could relax and enjoy your time away since you'll be worried about DD. Mid-70s is OLD and I would be worried about the forgetfulness (my in-laws are only mid-60s and I already worry about them!).
Take her along. Your in-laws can watch her when she's 5 and can advocate for herself and remember what they forget. |
Anonymous
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They might be more inclined to follow a nap/bedtime schedule when they are the ones who have to deal with the fall out of an overtired two year old. So actually having her stay there could help with that.
I'd drop the food issue. 3 days of crap food will not ruin your child and trying to micro-manage that will only lead to serious tension. I'd start with a smaller trips, so maybe 1 or 2 nights and see how it goes. But frankly, it doesn't sound like you want to, so not sure why you're considering it... |
Anonymous
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That doesn't sound like a good situation to me.
DH needs to say, "No, thanks for now, Mom and Dad. We'll let you know when we're ready for DD to spend the night." None of this "almost forcing" business, btw. You guys are the parents, you get to say no, and if they keep pressing you, you get to speak up. |
Anonymous
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I'd love for my parents to offer this, but am still waiting. I get what you mean though - the relative we do have who's most eager to babysit is the least able and leaves multiple pairs of scissors on the floor when we come visit.
What about having your ILs come to your home and watch DD there? That would resolve the lack of child proofing and would partially resolve the food issue - it's your kitchen, stocked by you. Sure, they might go out and buy some extra crap food to give her, but I kind of count that among the grandparent privileges. It's just three days. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. Or, if it's safety you're concerned about, tell them that and see if they're amenable to discussing it. Food and schedules are no big deal for 4 days. |
Anonymous
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Will they consent to watch her at your house? It's easier to keep to her routines, and they can keep her in daycare (so food/nap/etc will be preserved and it will be easier for them).
From what you've said, there's no way I'd let them do full time care at their house. |
Anonymous
I totally agree with this. And I'd probably make the first trip while you go do an overnight stay somewhere not too far away. I bet they would find the experience much more exhausting than they expect and be grateful to have you back. But you should really try to go and enjoy your couple time for a night. My mom feeds my kids McDonalds almost every day when she watches them and lets them watch a ton of TV. But they are safe and loved and have a great time making wonderful memories, and I don't worry about their safety. The safety part would be the deal breaker for me. But I wouldn't spend too much time dictating what they feed her or do with their time. Although in your own house, you can say, "We bought X, Y and Z food that she likes, so she should have plenty to feed her." |
Anonymous
| Grandparents are supposed to spoil kids. I'm sure they'll take precautions if you mention your concerns. You'd surprised what a little kid can do to boost the elderly's energy. |
Anonymous
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I think the food is not that big a deal. And on the attentiveness, they might be a lot more attentive if you weren't there. With mom and dad around, the grandparents don't need to be watching out for every little thing, and so they don't.
Maybe do a trial run-- go visit them, and you and your DH go out for lunch and a museum or whatever. That will give your ILs a taste of what it's like-- I bet they will find it exhausting. |
Anonymous
| I'd just let them watch DD for the day while you and your husband go enjoy yourselves. If that works well then you can discuss a longer trip later. Baby steps. |
Anonymous
This. My parents are about the same age and in about the same health. They also eat crap food, but my main concern is safety. No way would I leave my 2yo DD with them overnight. In fact, I don't leave her alone with them at all. |