Mom is Getting Married AGAIN. How To Handle Rotating Grandpas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm no expert, but for one, these aren't grandpas unless you choose to call them that. Even if your mom were stably married you don't need to call them grandpas.

I'd go with "This is Grandpa and this is Mr. James" Your kids can interact with Mr James as a family friend, and if he disappears, it isn't a death -- we all change friends.

I'm not trying to be dismissive -- I agree that having a mom with a personality issue like this can make it hard for young kids. But I think trying to keep a lighter frame on the situation might ease some of your stress. And if your mom protests, just point out that the real grandpa is their biological one and that while you love Mr James -- he is sooo great -- he should have a different name than grandpa for the grandkids.

I agree, but I was flamed in another thread for distinguishing between biological and non biological grandparents. Meanwhile I'm stuck having my kids call a non biological grandparent Grandma and my parents, their biological grandparents, had to come up with special nicknames without grandma or grandpa in them because it was going to be too confusing because of the extra ones. If the grandpas are going through a revolving door, just refer to them how you refer to them, by their first name or maybe nothing at all. Your kid is not going to even know who is who for several years.

If you are who I think you are, you were flamed not for distinguishing between biological and non biological grandparents, but for using the fact that a loving and stable grandmother figure was only a "step" as a way to diminish her importance in your children's lives, and to justify your own jealousy and insecurity. If you're someone else, I apologize.

[Anonymous]

I'd just call them Grandpa James. How much time will your kids really spend with this guy? Honestly? Chances are he's not marrying your mother for the honor of being a grandfather to your children, so I doubt he'll be so involved that he's beloved and then one day disappears. Most likely he'll just be another adult in the background who they see here and there, and if he's gone when your kid is 3, s/he won't even notice...

[Anonymous]

We have a similar-ish situation and just call the guy by his first name. It doesn't matter - the kids aren't invested in him (or vice versa).

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not giving a marriage count number in order to protect the guilty.

Anonymous wrote:Also, side question: Does she have pre-numps with each of these guys? Divorcing so many times can be expensive (unless she happens to keep marrying rich!).

But she *never* has prenups, nor do the guys ask for them either. She also always changes her name, which is such a hassle! I don't know why she doesn't bother sticking with her maiden.

Thanks for everyone's feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not giving a marriage count number in order to protect the guilty.

Anonymous wrote:Also, side question: Does she have pre-numps with each of these guys? Divorcing so many times can be expensive (unless she happens to keep marrying rich!).

But she *never* has prenups, nor do the guys ask for them either. She also always changes her name, which is such a hassle! I don't know why she doesn't bother sticking with her maiden.

Thanks for everyone's feedback!

Some people change names, some don't. At least she doesn't just add another to the list.

[Anonymous]

Auntie Mame! Required viewing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone can really understand this unless they have lived it. I have. My mom is on her 4th marriage. I caused WW3 because I told her that no way, no how, were my kids calling her latest husband "grandpa", they call him by his first name. It's still an issue 14 years later but I don't give a damn, I had to live through years of rotating step fathers and I want my children to get that this one probably won't last either so that they don't get too attached.

[Anonymous]

I limit it too-- my kids call my mom's BF by his first name. Even though they've been together 20 years. She cheated on my dad with him, so "Grandpa" just ain't happening. She's pissed but whatever, that's what you choose when you cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I limit it too-- my kids call my mom's BF by his first name. Even though they've been together 20 years. She cheated on my dad with him, so "Grandpa" just ain't happening. She's pissed but whatever, that's what you choose when you cheat.

You are still angry about this after 20 years?