Oh My Lord. He's got a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love these threads where a mom is shocked at something their kids are doing. But, they should ask themselves WHAT THEY DID at the same age. These kids do the same things YOU did, except now they have technology (cell phones, facebook, etc,...) for good or for bad.

9:58 here. Technology enables easy communication but facebook easily has social backfires. A big complaint about facebook is that chat feature and the inability to categorize "friends" where some see on line and others offline. Settings for privacy should address these issues. DD has had guys text-DD ignores-see DD online and then persist.

FB gives insights into people that we all could only dream off.

[Anonymous]

Whoa, who is talking about sex here....

This is about open lines of communication (I would not necessarily put out a box of condoms).

It must be shocking OP....one day they are holding your hand crossing the street, the next day, they are dating. Iwould be freaked out a little too!

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain OP. My son is turning 14 in a few weeks and has had the same g/f since last May. I don't like it, but I do like her and her family is also very involved in supervising how much time they spend together.

Right now, they see each other at school, school functions, church, and the occasional parent-chaperoned "movie date" (maybe once every 1-2 months). They text all day long, talk on the phone, etc but they have no classes together so it's still pretty self-limiting.

What I don't like is that too much time together creates the expectation that they're going steady-ier, whereas a revolving door of crushes ensures things don't go too far with any one girl for too long (or at least that's my logic!).

What I do like is she's a very nice Christian girl with strong morals (like my son), her parents hate them "dating" as much as we do so they also limit their time together, and she's a funny, smart, and witty young woman who has her head on straight.

So, I tolerate it and enjoy talking to her and getting to know her too. The good news is they are both moving into different school districts (different states) next year so it has a finite life span.

We have also had the talk about sex, responsibility, reputations, morals, disease and ultimately the stark reality that he surrenders his choice if a pregnancy results - - it's going to be her choice to abort, keep it, or put it up for adoption and his responsibility to support whatever choice she makes AND take financial responsibility for a child if that's what she chooses. This, for a boy who dreams of going to Harvard Law... will really throw some cold water on his plans for his future! It's my best hope for making sure he's careful and is ALWAYS responsible for safe sex on his part in addition to her own responsibility. It wouldn't be the first time a girl got pregnant on purpose.. and then his life is toast.

[Anonymous]

OP---I couldn't help but smile when I looked across the room at my 6 year old son after I read your post. For now, he is obsessed with Legos rather than girls but I know that I will be in your shoes before I know it. Thanks for these kinds of posts....it helps moms like me with little ones get a glimpse of what lies ahead. It sounds like he has a great mom by his side to help him navigate this new terrain. As the product of two teenagers who had too much free time at boarding school (I was relinquished for adoption), I'm a big proponent of a parent's responsbility to discuss the tough stuff with your kids early and often, even if it makes everyone squirm.

[Anonymous]

I was a nerd! I didn't have a real boyfriend until senior year of college!

I was 21! (my husband says I was a hot nerd...) (-;

I will have a serious problem dealing with my kids being less nerdy than me, and having girlfriends/boyfriends at 14. That just seems really early to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain OP. My son is turning 14 in a few weeks and has had the same g/f since last May. I don't like it, but I do like her and her family is also very involved in supervising how much time they spend together.

Right now, they see each other at school, school functions, church, and the occasional parent-chaperoned "movie date" (maybe once every 1-2 months). They text all day long, talk on the phone, etc but they have no classes together so it's still pretty self-limiting.

What I don't like is that too much time together creates the expectation that they're going steady-ier, whereas a revolving door of crushes ensures things don't go too far with any one girl for too long (or at least that's my logic!).

What I do like is she's a very nice Christian girl with strong morals (like my son), her parents hate them "dating" as much as we do so they also limit their time together, and she's a funny, smart, and witty young woman who has her head on straight.

So, I tolerate it and enjoy talking to her and getting to know her too. The good news is they are both moving into different school districts (different states) next year so it has a finite life span.

We have also had the talk about sex, responsibility, reputations, morals, disease and ultimately the stark reality that he surrenders his choice if a pregnancy results - - it's going to be her choice to abort, keep it, or put it up for adoption and his responsibility to support whatever choice she makes AND take financial responsibility for a child if that's what she chooses. This, for a boy who dreams of going to Harvard Law... will really throw some cold water on his plans for his future! It's my best hope for making sure he's careful and is ALWAYS responsible for safe sex on his part in addition to her own responsibility. It wouldn't be the first time a girl got pregnant on purpose.. and then his life is toast.

You and your son are lucky that this should set the standard for high school. Imagine if he had a GF that drank - was into any degree of casual hookups [makeout to whatever ]. The revolving door of crush stuff doesn't mean things don't happen. I know of more happening with them or party/hangout hookups than in some dating/BF/GF scenarios. Sometimes this cycle begins in middle school.

[Anonymous]

To 22:21 (counselor-mom who's worked with teens) -- please keep the great tips coming. To OP -- I know where you're coming from -- I have a 14 y.o. boy too -- no girlfriend yet, but he went to the Homecoming dance with a girl, he's started shaving, and he's counting the days till he gets his driver's permit. It's a scary, but wonderful time in our family life. 22:21 is right -- keeping the lines of communication open is so important. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain OP. My son is turning 14 in a few weeks and has had the same g/f since last May. I don't like it, but I do like her and her family is also very involved in supervising how much time they spend together.

Right now, they see each other at school, school functions, church, and the occasional parent-chaperoned "movie date" (maybe once every 1-2 months). They text all day long, talk on the phone, etc but they have no classes together so it's still pretty self-limiting.

What I don't like is that too much time together creates the expectation that they're going steady-ier, whereas a revolving door of crushes ensures things don't go too far with any one girl for too long (or at least that's my logic!).

What I do like is she's a very nice Christian girl with strong morals (like my son), her parents hate them "dating" as much as we do so they also limit their time together, and she's a funny, smart, and witty young woman who has her head on straight.

So, I tolerate it and enjoy talking to her and getting to know her too. The good news is they are both moving into different school districts (different states) next year so it has a finite life span.

We have also had the talk about sex, responsibility, reputations, morals, disease and ultimately the stark reality that he surrenders his choice if a pregnancy results - - it's going to be her choice to abort, keep it, or put it up for adoption and his responsibility to support whatever choice she makes AND take financial responsibility for a child if that's what she chooses. This, for a boy who dreams of going to Harvard Law... will really throw some cold water on his plans for his future! It's my best hope for making sure he's careful and is ALWAYS responsible for safe sex on his part in addition to her own responsibility. It wouldn't be the first time a girl got pregnant on purpose.. and then his life is toast.

You know what the difference is between a Christian girl & a Jewish girl ? Oh, I better not say, but you know...

[Anonymous]

"What I do like is she's a very nice Christian girl with strong morals (like my son), her parents hate them "dating" as much as we do so they also limit their time together, and she's a funny, smart, and witty young woman who has her head on straight. "

If the girl's parents hate the dating, why do they permit it? Why do you?

"You know what the difference is between a Christian girl & a Jewish girl ? Oh, I better not say, but you know... "

The Jewish girl get better jewelry...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What I do like is she's a very nice Christian girl with strong morals (like my son), her parents hate them "dating" as much as we do so they also limit their time together, and she's a funny, smart, and witty young woman who has her head on straight. "

If the girl's parents hate the dating, why do they permit it? Why do you

We both wish the kids weren't interested in "dating" at all, but that's not realistic. I'd rather he see her at school and church, and with parents chaperoning - - learning limits and speed control - - than "grounding him" and then watching it slingshot when he gets old enough to drive. Right now, it's pretty self limited chaperoned interactions in public places and lots of texting. If we wanted to ban dating, we certainly could, but a) it's relatively harmless and b) I think that would backfire on us pretty quickly.

"You know what the difference is between a Christian girl & a Jewish girl ? Oh, I better not say, but you know... "

The Jewish girl get better jewelry...

^^ That's just not funny or appreciated.

[Anonymous]

"We both wish the kids weren't interested in "dating" at all, but that's not realistic."

Who makes the rules? The parents or the kids? Would you let your son date at 12 because he wanted to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a nerd! I didn't have a real boyfriend until senior year of college!

I was 21! (my husband says I was a hot nerd...) (-;

I will have a serious problem dealing with my kids being less nerdy than me, and having girlfriends/boyfriends at 14. That just seems really early to me.

You sound just like me on every point. Glad I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a nerd! I didn't have a real boyfriend until senior year of college!

I was 21! (my husband says I was a hot nerd...) (-;

I will have a serious problem dealing with my kids being less nerdy than me, and having girlfriends/boyfriends at 14. That just seems really early to me.

You sound just like me on every point. Glad I'm not alone.

Likewise, first *serious* date was DH at 20. Am afraid of being completely clueless in a few years...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love these threads where a mom is shocked at something their kids are doing. But, they should ask themselves WHAT THEY DID at the same age. These kids do the same things YOU did, except now they have technology (cell phones, facebook, etc,...) for good or for bad.

AAAAK if my kid does what I did i will send him to military school!

[Anonymous]

My 15 year old son has been with the same girl since he was 13. I don't think I'm naive- and I don't think they have "done it". She has gone on vacation with us, she is like part of our family. They are both straight- A students, and they make each other happy. There ARE still good kids in this world, and I think I know two of them