Despairing about my marriage

[Anonymous]

OP, my heart goes out to you. The insight shown in your reply shows how strong you are and tells me that you will find the best way to navigate your difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

I would really try and press upon him the imporantance of counseling. I don't believe counseling can save any and every marriage, but it can open up the door to better communication.

[Anonymous]

He probably talks to dear son like this bc it is the way his dad raised him. Very common in that generation. If not counseling how about a joint parenting class? Might he be up for that? If nothing else you could take one and share some insights with him? My DH used to treat me with contempt. Lots of eye rolling and such. I spent some time around his parents and saw that this is exactly how his dad treats his mom. So I started reading about it and sometimes I email him an article. And I talked to him about it using "I feel xyz when you said this to me" language. And you know what, it really helped. He sends me articles too now on strong marriage. He is sooo much better about contempt and belittling language. When he does it I mostly call him out on it, but sometimes I know it's just an old habit he reverts to and he isnt trying to hurt me so I forgive it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aww honey. It's a really hard time in a marriage. It is really hard when the baby is in a mommy phase. Perhaps that is hurting your husband's feelings more than he lets on? Or he may just be feeling bad about himself and counterproductively flailing. Does he seem depressed?

It sounds like both of you need a break-- from the kid and from each other. You are flailing and struggling and you need a breather to gather your thoughts. Can you carve out a set weekly time for each of you to get a break? For example, in our house I get Saturday mornings (DH takes DC grocery shopping) and DH gets Sunday mornings. It's a little oasis for each of us. Cut out some obligations from your life, if you can, and focus on getting enough rest.

I would encourage you to hang in there. Little kids are tough on a marriage, especially if you haven't been married long, but you can ride it out.

I think this is wise advice.

Ditto. Great advice. Little kids are HARD. Just ride out the storm for a couple of years and do your best to stay connected . You and DH are exhausted. Of course you are acting jerky towards one another!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aww honey. It's a really hard time in a marriage. It is really hard when the baby is in a mommy phase. Perhaps that is hurting your husband's feelings more than he lets on? Or he may just be feeling bad about himself and counterproductively flailing. Does he seem depressed?

It sounds like both of you need a break-- from the kid and from each other. You are flailing and struggling and you need a breather to gather your thoughts. Can you carve out a set weekly time for each of you to get a break? For example, in our house I get Saturday mornings (DH takes DC grocery shopping) and DH gets Sunday mornings. It's a little oasis for each of us. Cut out some obligations from your life, if you can, and focus on getting enough rest.

I would encourage you to hang in there. Little kids are tough on a marriage, especially if you haven't been married long, but you can ride it out.

I think this is wise advice.

Ditto. Great advice. Little kids are HARD. Just ride out the storm for a couple of years and do your best to stay connected . You and DH are exhausted. Of course you are acting jerky towards one another!

+3

Our DD was born right around the time of our first wedding anniversary, so we were barely married before pregnancy/baby came our way. We were together 5 years before marriage. It is a really hard time. I built up a lot of resentment towards DH and am still trying to shed it. It made me dislike him, lose respect for him, lose my attraction for him, you name it. Around DD's 2nd birthday, we made some lifestyle changes and DD was so much more engaging and awesome - and all of a sudden things started to improve. It can happen and there is a way back. Hang in there! And keep talking to him. In my view, better to tell him how you're feeling, even if it starts a fight, than to go silent.

[Anonymous]

It is a difficult time for every family to start with. Try to find a sitter once a week to dedicate that time just for two of you. To go out to the place where you both can talk (like in pre-baby time), or just a walk. Do not discuss any baby-issues, make it a date. Make it a habbit to find that time just for two of you. Babies are stressful for both, moms and dads. But woman have natural ability to cope with that stress, while man need to be tought how to handle it. I think it is our role to guide the man through the every step of the child's development stage (in a loving way). You are saying that you are not sharing the same values? what happened with that? You had the same values for the previous 6 years you've being together, and now someone's values has changed? You didn't pick the father for your child, you picked the man you loved. Kids come and go, but your man will stay with you if you continue to love him.