Birth father not interested in contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave it alone. I understand you want closure but you are not going to get it. Like with most adoptions there is probably much more to the story. He may not be your real birth father or he has not told his family. appreciate the fact you are loved and wanted by your family, especially parents and try to move on.

Thanks for this perspective. I honestly had not considered the possibility that he may not be the real birth father (though I have assumed that if he is, he has not told his family). His name is on the birth certificate - and he was married to the birth mother at the time - but it really had not crossed my mind that this could have been other than what it seems. Guess that shows how the emotional side can stop you from objectively considering all the possibilities.

Being married means he is the legal father. He may not be your biological father. Your biological father may not know about you, it could have been an affair or rape. Your birthmom is hiding something probably for a reason. In adoption, depending on the state, the legal father is the priority for signing or both have to consent or be terminated by the court. Birth On my way! are often advised to lie to make the process easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes a non-answer IS your answer and I think that's the case here.

+1 Wise.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ nothing would have been enough. This "letter" that could have been attached to the file. Unimportant. Really, if that had been there, you still would have craved for more.

You have 2 chances in life to have a loving, happy family. Concentrate on your 2nd chance instead of expending energy on the 1st. Go forth and do good things - pick a good husband, have children, form a strong family.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I've been thinking more on this idea that maybe the person that I believe to be the birth father isn't actually the birth father. But they gave me medical history information. I can't believe that my birth mother would knowingly give me medical history information that was not really from the birth father. Granted, the story may be more complicated than what she has shared with me (not the rosiest of pictures, for what is worth), but I think he is the guy.

Thanks to all of the PPs for the responses. The logical side of me knows that the best thing is to put it behind me, but I just haven't been able to get to that point. As much as I hate to admit it, this has affected my self-esteem. To PP 19:19, I already have a husband and children of my own - whom I value beyond measure - but my history is a part of their history as well, so I guess that I don't really see this as a 2nd chance at a new beginning. Maybe I should...