Scrutinized by inlaws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for all the feedback. Without actually quoting, I believe the person that mentioned the casual comments is right. Some of this is just probably me being ultra sensitive to every comment they make. Perhaps they don't expect that I will do everything they mention. This is especially for MIL. I also noticed that I'm much more apt to hearing all my own mother's suggestions but not being as open to wanting advice from MIL. Although i often take her advice begrudgingly. Some of this is also cultural. My inlaws are not American, so there are many many differences and I feel I bend often for them. I think I need balance. I loved hearing from the MIL perspective on here. I would love a " I'm a MIL ask me anything" post.

The fact that you're self-aware enough to admit this is a great sign. You guys will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP as a MIL I notice that my DIL is likely to take casual comments I make very seriously, and transform them into presumed directions or criticisms. I'm not saying this is your situation, but you might consider the possibility. You do say "they're running my life and don't even know it."

Good luck to you in working this out. It's a hard relationship.

I feel for you. I realize how hard it's to be a MIL. I think you should praise and flatter your DIL a lot, to balance out the negativity.
I've been married for 5 years and yet to hear something positive from MIL directed at me. Maybe she believes she makes causal comments, but how come all of them directed at me, not her son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP as a MIL I notice that my DIL is likely to take casual comments I make very seriously, and transform them into presumed directions or criticisms. I'm not saying this is your situation, but you might consider the possibility. You do say "they're running my life and don't even know it."

Good luck to you in working this out. It's a hard relationship.

I feel for you. I realize how hard it's to be a MIL. I think you should praise and flatter your DIL a lot, to balance out the negativity.
I've been married for 5 years and yet to hear something positive from MIL directed at me. Maybe she believes she makes causal comments, but how come all of them directed at me, not her son?

New Pp, Not the Op by the way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP as a MIL I notice that my DIL is likely to take casual comments I make very seriously, and transform them into presumed directions or criticisms. I'm not saying this is your situation, but you might consider the possibility. You do say "they're running my life and don't even know it."

Good luck to you in working this out. It's a hard relationship.

I feel for you. I realize how hard it's to be a MIL. I think you should praise and flatter your DIL a lot, to balance out the negativity.
I've been married for 5 years and yet to hear something positive from MIL directed at me. Maybe she believes she makes causal comments, but how come all of them directed at me, not her son?

+1

Same here. I have never once heard MIL say anything positive about immediate family, and certainly not me. It would kill her. I have however, heard random fabrications and exaggerated praise about distant relatives we will probably never meet. Its quite odd, but just the beginning of a huge number of oddities. To say warm and fuzzy is not her thing would be extremely, extremely kind.

I don't need tons of affirmation, least of all from anyone bitter, but geeze the negativity is oppressive.