I truly can't stand my husband

[Anonymous]

I know you won't want to hear this OP, but honestly you deserve a much better way of life than the one you are describing to us on here.

Sure, no one wants to put their children through a divorce, etc., but are you really dead set on raising your children in a home where one parent literally HATES the other?? That is just as bad as a divorce in my opinion. If I were you, I would seriously re-consider....


Anyway, you cannot accept this life for yourself. To live in the same household w/someone you hate so much is not healthy. You deserve so much more. Life is much too short to simply settle for less than what YOU think you deserve.

You are much better than this + you need to take a positive step in the right direction and make a change in your life. To live such a miserable existence day by day doesn't do you or your children any damn good.

[Anonymous]

OP, how did things work out with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I'm so depressed. Same old story, not sure I want to put my young ones through a divorce. I knew when I was pregnant with my first that I made a mistake and should have divorced then. My DH is a name caller and I hate him most days because of it. He has stopped calling me the really despicable names after I threatened divorce several years ago. Now it's just the garden variety calling me my mother and insulting my family in the process and comparing me to my mother in every disagreement we have. His family, btw, is BEYOND dysfunctional. Yes, we've been to counseling, it didn't work. Nothing to accomplish by posting here since I know most will either say get a divorce, or you made your bed so lie in it. Neither response is unreasonable, just need to vent.

Why did you choose him? You do realize he didn't become this way overnight.

I have a great husband, but I imagine THIS IS the problem. He became that was gradually, pushing the envelope a little more each time. If he had become that way overnight, she never would have adjusted to his abuse. It would be a cleaner break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why did you choose him? You do realize he didn't become this way overnight.

this is kind of a spin off, but this is a really tiresome answer. There are a million reasons why people choose their imperfect spouses from

1) didn't have a lot of experience with relationships and knowledge of what to expect
2) had poor family role models (see above)
3) chose someone who was a great boyfriend/girlfriend but not capable of long term commitment
4) chose someone who couldn't handle well the stresses of being a grown up (children, job etc)
5) chose someone who has a very different, and unworkable with you, way of resolving the kinds of conflicts that arise with marriage and family
6) chose someone who developed depression, drug addiction or other illness/problem
7) chose someone quickly, or not, without seeing them in all situations
8) enter situations of stress in which people are not their best
9) chose someone who just decides they do not really want the life they have (this happens ALL the time).

a lot of shit happens in life: illnesses, disease, family, financial issues, etc. Sometimes a couple grows together through these bumps, but sometimes those bumps are the test of compatibility and how a couple works through issues. Sometimes a bad year or two, due to outside circumstances, can create such a negative series of interactions that returning from that place seems impossible. Other times people are nuts. My friend is divorcing a guy she knew for 20 years, dated for 10. within the first year of marriage, he cheated, quit his job and basically went nuts. No one saw it coming, but it came.

can we just pin this at the top of the forum please? this is the best answer to that tired question of "why did you pick them"

[Anonymous]

Some counselors are better than others. Don't give up with just one. Consider seeing (both of you together) a clinical psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy.

[Anonymous]

But be honest, aren't you just like your mother?

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat, OP. To respond to the posters who wonder how you can be with a man like this, for me, there are a couple reasons. 1) Men like this, like men who are physically abusive, aren't abusive 100% of the time, 2) after a while, you begin to lose perspective on what a normal relationship (and, in particular normal disagreements) look like, and 3) sometimes you even believe the insults so you think if you can change yourself, he'll stop. FWIW, I never imagined myself to end up in this type of relationship either. Women (and men) in these type of relationships don't necessarily have low self esteem and aren't necessarily completely dependent on their spouse. They are just like everyone else. Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why did you choose him? You do realize he didn't become this way overnight.

this is kind of a spin off, but this is a really tiresome answer. There are a million reasons why people choose their imperfect spouses from

1) didn't have a lot of experience with relationships and knowledge of what to expect
2) had poor family role models (see above)
3) chose someone who was a great boyfriend/girlfriend but not capable of long term commitment
4) chose someone who couldn't handle well the stresses of being a grown up (children, job etc)
5) chose someone who has a very different, and unworkable with you, way of resolving the kinds of conflicts that arise with marriage and family
6) chose someone who developed depression, drug addiction or other illness/problem
7) chose someone quickly, or not, without seeing them in all situations
8) enter situations of stress in which people are not their best
9) chose someone who just decides they do not really want the life they have (this happens ALL the time).

a lot of shit happens in life: illnesses, disease, family, financial issues, etc. Sometimes a couple grows together through these bumps, but sometimes those bumps are the test of compatibility and how a couple works through issues. Sometimes a bad year or two, due to outside circumstances, can create such a negative series of interactions that returning from that place seems impossible. Other times people are nuts. My friend is divorcing a guy she knew for 20 years, dated for 10. within the first year of marriage, he cheated, quit his job and basically went nuts. No one saw it coming, but it came.

can we just pin this at the top of the forum please? this is the best answer to that tired question of "why did you pick them"

It is a good list but let us recognize that a similar list may explain why a guy decides to leave his wife ....... because she has changed and is not the woman he thought he had married.