I truly can't stand my husband

[Anonymous]

And I'm so depressed. Same old story, not sure I want to put my young ones through a divorce. I knew when I was pregnant with my first that I made a mistake and should have divorced then. My DH is a name caller and I hate him most days because of it. He has stopped calling me the really despicable names after I threatened divorce several years ago. Now it's just the garden variety calling me my mother and insulting my family in the process and comparing me to my mother in every disagreement we have. His family, btw, is BEYOND dysfunctional. Yes, we've been to counseling, it didn't work. Nothing to accomplish by posting here since I know most will either say get a divorce, or you made your bed so lie in it. Neither response is unreasonable, just need to vent.

[Anonymous]

Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Hugs, I'm in the same boat OP. I could have posted this word for word myself.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Have you sought individual counseling to see if you can come to some clarity on your decision to stay?

I was in a similar situation, minus the misgivings when having children. Looking back, I should have had my doubts, I just thought I'd stay married and work through it. But it took me several years to realize this was not going to get better, and that for the sake of my children, I needed to start a life without the toxicity of my marriage. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it for my kids. It's taken years to find my own happiness. He's still an ass, and he has to live with that. It's not easy dealing with him by any stretch, but our day-to-day life is much happier and peaceful!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you know what you need to do; best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Are these guys just sweet-as-pie in the beginning? Treat their subordinates, servers, and people over whom they have authority courteously? Family problems either non-obvious or seeming not to apply to the future husbands?

I see plenty of blowhards getting dates, and I wonder if the women just don't see or just don't care.

Anyway, water under the bridge. Sorry about your situation, OP. Good luck. Maybe if you can get the depression under control, the husband won't seem so bad?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP - it sounds soul crushing.

I hope you can figure out a way to care less, be hurt less, and find others ways to be satisfied in your life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try a different counselor and stay in it till the major problems resolve? My DH and I have had a few bad experiences with counseling but I know there are good ones out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not alone.

+2. I was actually getting my stuff together to leave. Then I decided I really needed to put all my energy into fixing it. I felt I needed to earn my way out since we have a child. Then during that one week of trying to figure it out we had sex twice. I now have a second child. Although I don't regret the second it has made it so I can't leave. So I totally get it and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I'm so depressed. Same old story, not sure I want to put my young ones through a divorce. I knew when I was pregnant with my first that I made a mistake and should have divorced then. My DH is a name caller and I hate him most days because of it. He has stopped calling me the really despicable names after I threatened divorce several years ago. Now it's just the garden variety calling me my mother and insulting my family in the process and comparing me to my mother in every disagreement we have. His family, btw, is BEYOND dysfunctional. Yes, we've been to counseling, it didn't work. Nothing to accomplish by posting here since I know most will either say get a divorce, or you made your bed so lie in it. Neither response is unreasonable, just need to vent.

Why did you choose him? You do realize he didn't become this way overnight.

[Anonymous]

Give it til' he's about 70 and in poor health then torture the hell out of him

[Anonymous]

Why did you choose him? You do realize he didn't become this way overnight.

this is kind of a spin off, but this is a really tiresome answer. There are a million reasons why people choose their imperfect spouses from

1) didn't have a lot of experience with relationships and knowledge of what to expect
2) had poor family role models (see above)
3) chose someone who was a great boyfriend/girlfriend but not capable of long term commitment
4) chose someone who couldn't handle well the stresses of being a grown up (children, job etc)
5) chose someone who has a very different, and unworkable with you, way of resolving the kinds of conflicts that arise with marriage and family
6) chose someone who developed depression, drug addiction or other illness/problem
7) chose someone quickly, or not, without seeing them in all situations
8) enter situations of stress in which people are not their best
9) chose someone who just decides they do not really want the life they have (this happens ALL the time).

a lot of shit happens in life: illnesses, disease, family, financial issues, etc. Sometimes a couple grows together through these bumps, but sometimes those bumps are the test of compatibility and how a couple works through issues. Sometimes a bad year or two, due to outside circumstances, can create such a negative series of interactions that returning from that place seems impossible. Other times people are nuts. My friend is divorcing a guy she knew for 20 years, dated for 10. within the first year of marriage, he cheated, quit his job and basically went nuts. No one saw it coming, but it came.

[Anonymous]

+1000

[Anonymous]

Lawyer up and file got divorce. You don't need this, and you'll meet someone new.