I'm very attracted to my boss. Please give me reasons not to have an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If you are really unhappy in your marriage, tell your spouse, begin divorce proceedings. When you are actually free you can take up with your boss. The world will have a lot more respect for you if you do things that way.

OP here again. I don't understand why it would be morally more laudable if I begin an affair with my married boss as an already divorced (free) woman. He would still be married and my boss.

Again, DH has affairs as well (preferably with married women), with no intention of divorcing me.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to get a divorce. Your situation is unsustainable. You are attracted to your boss because he is also married and (he says) also unhappy, so you can hop in bed without worry!

Wrong. This will blow up in your faces. Your boss will resent you. You will either quit to a escape the tension or be fired for some stupid but perfectly legal reason (ever made personal call on a work phone?)

Then you will be in a loveless marriage with no income. Trapped instead of simply lazy.

Get a divorce and start living your life authentically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If you are really unhappy in your marriage, tell your spouse, begin divorce proceedings. When you are actually free you can take up with your boss. The world will have a lot more respect for you if you do things that way.

OP here again. I don't understand why it would be morally more laudable if I begin an affair with my married boss as an already divorced (free) woman. He would still be married and my boss.

Again, DH has affairs as well (preferably with married women), with no intention of divorcing me.

Ah, yes, I left out an important step-your boss would also need to be free to begin a new relationships-sorry, didn't realize that was unclear.

Clearly you have more problems than the internet can solve for you. Perhaps a spiritual advisor, an ethicist, or a therapist could help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thanks for laying out the options -- some of them made me smile.

Happily, he has his own company, so company policy doesn't apply to him. But still, things could get really awkward if the bed part is not working out well (my problems with DH stem partially from the physical part of our relationship).

So it's his company, he's the boss, he's not going anywhere. The chances of you being the one who loses her job if things go wrong, it gets awkward, someone finds out, he has to save face, other employees claim favoritism, etc., etc., are exponentially increased. Job-wise you're the one with everything to lose; he'll be just fine. If the morality of the situation is so unclear to you that you have to wonder about it, the high chances of losing your job should help clarify things for you.

If you like to live your life like you're on a soap opera or trashy reality tv, go ahead and indulge and have your affair with the boss and don't think of anyone else...

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really bother me if you want to have an affair, but I agree that you are going to lose your job by heading down this road. Don't do it with your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't really bother me if you want to have an affair, but I agree that you are going to lose your job by heading down this road. Don't do it with your boss.

This. If you want an affair, find someone else. Do we really need to spell out to you why sleeping with your boss is not a good idea?

[Anonymous]

No way this is real. OP sounds incredibly stupid
You're already fucking up your kids lives. Some people should not be parents

[Anonymous]

Get one thought in your mind: He just squeezed out a massive stinky turd. Keep that thought in your mind. You'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't really bother me if you want to have an affair, but I agree that you are going to lose your job by heading down this road. Don't do it with your boss.

This. If you want an affair, find someone else. Do we really need to spell out to you why sleeping with your boss is not a good idea?

It's pretty clear OP is dumb. She still doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't really bother me if you want to have an affair, but I agree that you are going to lose your job by heading down this road. Don't do it with your boss.

OP here again. I didn't set out to have an affair, with him or anyone else. It just happened that he has made me feel appreciated in ways that my husband does not. I am very emotionally attached to him.

But I agree, I will tone down the interactions. I really don't want to lose this job.

To reply to another PP, my reason for being attracted to him is certainly not that he is married. I have too much respect for his children and his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way this is real. OP sounds incredibly stupid
You're already fucking up your kids lives. Some people should not be parents

OP here. Huh? Why exactly am I fucking up my kids' lives? Because I like my kind and considerate boss? My husband has had affairs for a while, and the kids haven't noticed it.

And now you are insulting me that I should not be a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way this is real. OP sounds incredibly stupid
You're already fucking up your kids lives. Some people should not be parents

OP here. Huh? Why exactly am I fucking up my kids' lives? Because I like my kind and considerate boss? My husband has had affairs for a while, and the kids haven't noticed it.

And now you are insulting me that I should not be a parent?

1. You're not too bright
2. You're fooling yourself if you don't think your kids notice the shift in your marriage
3. You're teaching your children unhealthy relationship habits. Do you have a daughter? Would you want her to stay unhappily married to a cheating jerk rather than get divorced and get a chance to find someone who will treat her better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way this is real. OP sounds incredibly stupid
You're already fucking up your kids lives. Some people should not be parents

OP here. Huh? Why exactly am I fucking up my kids' lives? Because I like my kind and considerate boss? My husband has had affairs for a while, and the kids haven't noticed it.

And now you are insulting me that I should not be a parent?

Don't listen to the poster above. You are just being very honest with yourself and asking the question. I think you are mostly working this out in your head and it's easier to write it down. I don't think your having (or not having) an affair) would reflect on your parenting skills at all. There are pragmatic reasons for not going through with this. I agree with a guy who said think about the 7 year plan vs. the 7 year plan. I would get a divorce though, whatever else happens.

[Anonymous]

Your career will never be the same.

[Anonymous]

Based on my exprience, most advices here are shity. You get what you pay-which is free.