do you worry about your in laws moving close or in with you one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

You act like this is a new thing. Do you think a generation back or the one before that or the one before that, etc., didn't have issues between ILs? Because you must not remember. The old jokes used to always be about the MIL vs. the DH with the wife caught in the middle. There was complaining but it was kept local. If there were Internet forums back then they would be just as full of "I can't stand my IL" stories as you're seeing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

You get what you deserve. My MIL told us DILs that she would not be babysitting. Fast forward twenty years and she's asking us and the kids to run errands for her. We're not enthused. Yes, karma's a bitch that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL says all the time that she plans to spend several months out of the year up here once kids arrive. She even goes so far as to say things like, "Make sure any homes you look at to buy have a bedroom and a bathroom for me."

This would be my worst nightmare come true. Hell personified. How do I handle with dh???

I don't know, because that would be a dream come true for me. Especially as she loves to babysit kids when she comes. It sucks not to have any family around.

[Anonymous]

DILs - what would you do if it is your parents that need help?

I feel so sad for the men who are married to such selfish wives.

[Anonymous]

Our house is too small, so it can't happen. We'd all drive each other insane anyway. I know my parents wouldn't want to live with us for that reason.

DH and i actually agree that it would be easier if our parents were closer. Right now, both sets are about 4 hours away. One set wants to visit every 3 weeks, the other wants to come for a week at a time. If they had their ways, we'd have essentially no time to ourselves. If they were close enough for day trips, it would be much better. I don't want them across the street or anything, but 45 minutes to an hour away would be great. Too far to just pop in unannounced, but close enough to go to kids events and spend part of a weekend with without losing the entire weekend.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. My MIL just turned 70
and keeps throwing hints out, expecting the big invite to come live with us. Her mother just passed at 97. Do I really want to spend the next 27 years of my life and marriage accommodating all of her quirks? Perhaps when she is older, and truly in need of care. But at 70 she is still too young.

[Anonymous]

I hate my MIL, can't stand her. She moved near us when DC was born and made my life a living hell. Anyways, I understand that when she will get old, she'll have to live with us - as much as I dislike her, I respect DH for this decision. Since she's only 19 years older than me, there is a probability I won't be around anymore when she gets old and moves in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

Dramatic, much?

. How? We read this il hating crap on DCUM everyday, and when people aren't hating on their mil, they set hating on Their own mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People seriously hate their in laws this much? They are usually left alone, to literally die. Why can't they stay with you all?

I like my privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

Dramatic, much?

. How? We read this il hating crap on DCUM everyday, and when people aren't hating on their mil, they set hating on Their own mothers.

. Children learn what they live. You are indeed teaching your children how to treat you someday--no empathy, no compassion, no love, just hatred, annoyance and disrespect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL says all the time that she plans to spend several months out of the year up here once kids arrive. She even goes so far as to say things like, "Make sure any homes you look at to buy have a bedroom and a bathroom for me."

This would be my worst nightmare come true. Hell personified. How do I handle with dh???

I don't know, because that would be a dream come true for me. Especially as she loves to babysit kids when she comes. It sucks not to have any family around.

Op here- mil has made it clear she won't be helpful with grandkids. She won't be helping with a diaper or bath or helping with the house while we are at work or busy with other things. So it's not like the "several months" she claims she will be here will be for babysitting etc. she also doesn't cook or clean for herself. I don't see a net addition to her presence. It would be another person to take care of and accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could fast forward a generation and watch you being treated this way by your children's spouses. In laws deserve NO respect, right? Remember that when your son says, "sorry Mom, DW wants nothing to do with you, so please don't bother us. You're not a human being deserving of respect, understanding or love now that I'm married. Karma's a bitch that way."

You get what you deserve. My MIL told us DILs that she would not be babysitting. Fast forward twenty years and she's asking us and the kids to run errands for her. We're not enthused. Yes, karma's a bitch that way.

+1
You get what you give

[Anonymous]

I used to half-joke that we would never live in the same state. Luckily, my DH felt the same way. We would be in an 'Everybody loves Raymond' reality.

[Anonymous]

I would buy my parents a house close to mine or buy them a nice condo in a retirement/assisted living community. I would probably go crazy if I have to live with my parents.

[Anonymous]

My father and aunt felt the same way about my grandmother- at 30 my sister and I moved her to a condo across the street from us so we could look out for her and care for her. It was a difficult but rewarding experience for the two years before she passed away. Looking back- we are both so glad that we had that time with her before she died. I would do it again in a second. My parents and in-laws aren't fully involved or helpful with my young children, but I know that the right thing to do will be to care for them when they need it- regardless of if they have been good empty nest parents.