do you worry about your in laws moving close or in with you one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are so sure that you would gladly have an in-law move in when they need care. Do you realize that the in-law will still be the same person, not some sweet invalid grateful for everything you do for them? They'll bring all along the baggage, and worse; when a person is too frail to care for themselves and realizes that they can't control their life anymore, there will be a lot of fear and anger that will spill over on your family.
I don't really have a solution, but when you make long-term plans for your family, you need to take the in-law's personality into account. If they are difficult now, it will only get worse.

agreed on that. i've never met a difficult person who got more mellow with age. they get more ornery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are so sure that you would gladly have an in-law move in when they need care. Do you realize that the in-law will still be the same person, not some sweet invalid grateful for everything you do for them? They'll bring all along the baggage, and worse; when a person is too frail to care for themselves and realizes that they can't control their life anymore, there will be a lot of fear and anger that will spill over on your family.
I don't really have a solution, but when you make long-term plans for your family, you need to take the in-law's personality into account. If they are difficult now, it will only get worse.

This is a good point. I am one of the previous posters. DH with good intentions that is definitely not the easiest to live with no doubt. In trying to a be a good guy, never accounted for MIL's personality. Had I taken that into account - the conversation would have been "to the best of my financial ability I will help offset her living costs, but given her nature I don't want to live with her. Doesn't make either one of us a bad person, just not personalities suited to living together." I found that because we weren't suited to live together, someone had to be blamed or wrong, and that is not the right way to look at it. People have quirks and they want to be comfortable in their own homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are so sure that you would gladly have an in-law move in when they need care. Do you realize that the in-law will still be the same person, not some sweet invalid grateful for everything you do for them? They'll bring all along the baggage, and worse; when a person is too frail to care for themselves and realizes that they can't control their life anymore, there will be a lot of fear and anger that will spill over on your family.
I don't really have a solution, but when you make long-term plans for your family, you need to take the in-law's personality into account. If they are difficult now, it will only get worse.

This is a good point. I am one of the previous posters. DH with good intentions that is definitely not the easiest to live with no doubt. In trying to a be a good guy, never accounted for MIL's personality. Had I taken that into account - the conversation would have been "to the best of my financial ability I will help offset her living costs, but given her nature I don't want to live with her. Doesn't make either one of us a bad person, just not personalities suited to living together." I found that because we weren't suited to live together, someone had to be blamed or wrong, and that is not the right way to look at it. People have quirks and they want to be comfortable in their own homes.

Op here. This is an interesting way to phrase things when the time comes. I'll keep this in my back pocket...