How to tell a father that you don't want him to walk you down the aisle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's bring back the brides dowry, droit du seigneur, displaying sheet with blood of broken hymen to prove. Bride was a virgin. Giving bride away is an insult to women. We are not chattel!

Oh, please. It's a sentimental and touching tradition for many families. If you don't like that tradition for yourself, then fine, but what you've written here is overstated drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two bits - My father walked me down the aisle. It meant a great deal to me, but more importantly, meant everything to him. Now that he is no longer alive, it is a memory I will cherish. Some people may view it as symbolic, but I don’t believe most people view this gesture as “giving away the daughter.” It is more a tradition.
I would not have had it any other way. The few moments while we were waiting at the back of the church were so, so special.

I did not want want my father to walk me down the aisle, and when I told him, he was very upset. He passed very suddenly before the wedding and now there isn't anything I wouldn't give to have the option of him walking me again. If your father really wants to do it, just let him. Sometimes you just need to put other's happiness before your own, especially when everything else about that day is to glorify you.

[Anonymous]

We had a fairly traditional wedding but I had similar problems with the giving away part and wanted to keep things traditional but modernized into a symbolism I was comfortable with.

My solution to the aisle walk was to have my Dad walk me to his seat (that mattered to him) and I then kissed him and he sat with my Mom and I walked myself the final distance to the alter.

I also wasn't at all comfortable with the 'who gives this woman' bit. My solution there was to involve all 4 parents: the minister said "who gives this couple one to another" and they all responded "we do". Since we married relatively young (mid 20s) it to me symbolized their blessing on givng up a primary claim on us in order for us to create that primary bond as a new family, and thus was something I was comfortable with. Now that I have kids of my own I appreciate the symbolism of that even more.

[Anonymous]

My dad would be a bit sad, but also proud that he raised a daughter that wasn't into the paternalistic BS - he was kind of an awesome feminist. I think you should be honest with your dad, but maybe find a way to incorporate all the parents and family members in some way.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to do it that way then don't. You think people who get married in Vegas or the justice of the peace have their fathers walk the down the aisle? It may be traditional for a traditional wedding, but there's tons of wedding performed everyday that aren't traditional. It's your wedding.

[Anonymous]

MarleySkye840 wrote:I don't want to be walked down the aisle. I feel that the whole tradition of "I am giving this woman to you" is just creepy to me. I want to (symbolically) give myself to my future husband of my own volition. I know the idea of "giving away" is outdated, but the practice is weird to me.

Then just tell your day why. However; food for thought; I've seen it where both parents walk the bride up to the groom, who is escorted with both his parents. It's a bit sweet. Doesn't have to be seen in that horrible "giving away" light.

[Anonymous]

Not that it has anything to do with your situation, but just as a bit of trivia - in Orthodox churches, the priest meets the bride and groom in the narthex and the bride and groom walk down the aisle together ( they get it wrong in the movies sometimes). This is despite the fact that the Orthodox church is very patriarchal!

[Anonymous]

OP - it is your job to know if this would be important to your DAD.

I'm not saying you have to honor the tradition, but know how he feels. Learn this first without commenting.

Then mull it over.

[Anonymous]

My college roommate had a difficult relationship with her father (his fault). She chose to walk down the aisle by herself after a procession of bridesmaids walking down single
file. The music changed to a trumpet fanfare, which was thrilling and everyone stood and turned to watch her enter. We all thought it was wonderful!

[Anonymous]

First congratulations on your engagement
As you plan your wedding, you will create your own traditions with your fiancé. Your father will understand, particularly as you are estranged from him

[Anonymous]

MarleySkye840 wrote:I don't want to be walked down the aisle. I feel that the whole tradition of "I am giving this woman to you" is just creepy to me. I want to (symbolically) give myself to my future husband of my own volition. I know the idea of "giving away" is outdated, but the practice is weird to me.

Can you come up with a way to incorporate your parents into the ceremony in a way that is meaningful for you? If "giving away" is outdated, then fine. So what is your parents' significance for your wedding and future marriage? Celebrate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I walked down the aisle together. I find many of the wedding traditions absurd. There was no way I was going to be 'given' to my husband. I also refused to do the garter/bouquet toss as well.

+1

We incorporated our parents into the ceremony in other ways. My Dad didn't have an issue with it - he was too overjoyed that we were finally getting married after nearly a decade of living together.

[Anonymous]

Just have both your parents walk you. It symbolizes your leaving their family to make one of your own. Yes, think about the patriarchy, but don't do so at the expense of your loved ones' feelings.

[Anonymous]

I would have loved to have my dad walk me down the aisle. But, unfortunately, he developed early onset dementia and passed away before I married. He "met" but never really got to know my husband.

I would have loved to have had my dad walk me down the aisle. The pictures alone...

I understand the old fashionedness of it. But please don't take what you have for granted.

[Anonymous]

^I'll add - don't forget that your wedding (his baby's wedding!) is a major milestone for your dad, too.