If a first date goes well, but you have no attraction to them...where do you go?

[Anonymous]

If after one date you have no attraction to him, then I would end it. Attraction to someone can absolutely change as you get to know a person, and going on a date with someone you don't initially find attractive can change things - but if there's really nothing that draws you in after Date 1, then I wouldn't go further.

[Anonymous]

It took three years for my coworker to become my bf. Within a year we were married. Been married 10 yrs with 2 kids.

You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took three years for my coworker to become my bf. Within a year we were married. Been married 10 yrs with 2 kids.

You never know.

How long did it take, once you knew him, for you to consider you might want to be with him? The first time you met him, did you think he was attractive?

[Anonymous]

Give it another date or two. I had a lunch date with a guy and felt zero attraction but thought he was nice. Second date, OK, nothing special. But then he kissed me and BAM! That was three years ago, and we have INCREDIBLE sex together. I still don't know what happened between thinking like he was nice and feeling like he was an incredibly sexy guy. But I'm not complaining!

[Anonymous]

I think if you're unattracted to him, then cut it off now.

If you're just sort of 'whatever' - like he's pleasant-looking, but not what you would pick out of a catalogue to be your boyfriend if you had the opportunity to do so, but the date went well, keep going out with him.

People get more or less attractive the more you get to know them. I'm sure I think all my female friends are prettier than they actually are (though I do think they are all very beautiful women). If you start to like him, you'll find it appealing that his eyes crinkle when he smiles, or twinkle when he's making a joke, or something. I've written about it here, but I've presently got significant feelings for someone who snuck up on me with his wit and personality, not because I ever looked at him and went "whoa."

That said, don't try to convince yourself that you do find him attractive if you don't. I'd say after 5 dates or so, if the idea of kissing/sleeping with him actually turns you off, you're probably not going to feel differently later.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing you're in your 20's.

[Anonymous]

That fateful walk to the car at the end of the 1st date...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're unattracted to him, then cut it off now.

If you're just sort of 'whatever' - like he's pleasant-looking, but not what you would pick out of a catalogue to be your boyfriend if you had the opportunity to do so, but the date went well, keep going out with him.

People get more or less attractive the more you get to know them. I'm sure I think all my female friends are prettier than they actually are (though I do think they are all very beautiful women). If you start to like him, you'll find it appealing that his eyes crinkle when he smiles, or twinkle when he's making a joke, or something. I've written about it here, but I've presently got significant feelings for someone who snuck up on me with his wit and personality, not because I ever looked at him and went "whoa."

That said, don't try to convince yourself that you do find him attractive if you don't. I'd say after 5 dates or so, if the idea of kissing/sleeping with him actually turns you off, you're probably not going to feel differently later.

This. My first couple of dates with my husband, I didn't feel really attracted to him, but I did really enjoy spending time with him. The more I got to know him, the more attractive he became to me. If you're just kind of neutral, go out a few more times to see if things develop. If you find the person unattractive, though, let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be physically attracted at least a little. I say this as someone who married someone I wasn't physically attracted to; when things are rough, it'd be nice to at least look at and admire your spouse on some level.

[Anonymous]

You can always continue to date the person and see that person "grows" on you...But if there are any deal-breakers or red flags during the initial first date, then I would cut it short, thank the person for their time and cordially bid them farewell.

No sense wasting time on someone who you know will only bring negativity and toxicity to your life.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

[Anonymous]

I don't date men I'm not attracted to, so I don't know what to tell you.

Certain types of men are not attractive to me: enormous guts, smokers, tobacco chewers, men who talk about the ex or their mothers, comb-overs (bald is okay). Nothing they do will ever change my mind about wanting to kiss them, let alone have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're unattracted to him, then cut it off now.

If you're just sort of 'whatever' - like he's pleasant-looking, but not what you would pick out of a catalogue to be your boyfriend if you had the opportunity to do so, but the date went well, keep going out with him.

People get more or less attractive the more you get to know them. I'm sure I think all my female friends are prettier than they actually are (though I do think they are all very beautiful women). If you start to like him, you'll find it appealing that his eyes crinkle when he smiles, or twinkle when he's making a joke, or something. I've written about it here, but I've presently got significant feelings for someone who snuck up on me with his wit and personality, not because I ever looked at him and went "whoa."

That said, don't try to convince yourself that you do find him attractive if you don't. I'd say after 5 dates or so, if the idea of kissing/sleeping with him actually turns you off, you're probably not going to feel differently later.

+1 this is right on.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for going on a second date unless you are really turned off by him.

[Anonymous]

New Poster here. This exact situation happened to me. Went out on a date last Friday and it was fine. We had a nice time talking. He was a nice guy but I just felt no attraction to him at all. No chemistry, connection or 'spark'. He asked me on another date and I said yes but am rethinking that. I need to feel something. To me it seemed more like a potential friendship. He has been texting me but I have been hesitant to make another date yet.

[Anonymous]

5 dates for a spark sounds like the makings of a sexless marriage down the road.