when is it right to take a new job with young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not sahm? Genuinely curious.

Because she obviously wants to be intellectually fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not sahm? Genuinely curious.

Because she obviously wants to be intellectually fulfilled.

Troll. Sahm is the most fulfilling job around.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you get an offer from them, I would not hesitate to speak openly with HR and people in the org about work/life balance. They can't "revoke" your offer, and if you present it right, I think they may respect you for genuinely considering whether you can make it work with your current and desired lifestyle.

I also understand your position regarding wanting time for family life but also wanting to like your job and feel stimulated. It's a tough balance. If you're super excited about your job, it's hard to put it down at the end of the day, especially if you are needed to do more and more at the office.

On the other hand, I think you may be overthinking it. Don't worry about what this job "could" lead to in the future. If this job would provide a good balance for you now, then take it. I don't know your field but suspect you could probably move from a more high-powered position to a lesser-powered one easier than the other way around -- if you need to do this in the future.

I think it will be a transition, and transitions are tough for everyone, but if you are genuinely excited about the job, you will push through and be happy about the change. Make sure your DH is on board and will be extra helpful if possible during the transition -- that will also help.

If you get a very cold response to questions about work/family balance, maybe you don't want to take the job. Seriously -- it might be an awesome job, but if people really aren't accepting of family life, then it's going to be frustrating if you really value this.

Perhaps you could gauge the situation by finding out if a few others you'd be working with have kids. I was the only one in my former position who had kids (or was even married), and my coworkers were all married to the job. It was really tough balancing our different focuses. They would unexpectedly stay late at the office and then go out for beers together. I had to pick up my kid at a specific time and make dinner. Everyone was nice, and the job was great, but I felt pressure to be more involved than I was, even though people understood that I wasn't as flexible. It probably didn't help that my boss was unmarried and without kids, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not sahm? Genuinely curious.

Because she obviously wants to be intellectually fulfilled.

Troll. Sahm is the most fulfilling job around.

Haha. I'm a SAHM and wouldn't agree with this. I LOVE my kids and LOVE being home with them and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it is NOT the most intellectually fulfilling job I've ever had. When you are singing the same kids' song for the 20th time that day, you are not exactly solving complex problems!

[Anonymous]

I had a job like yours, that was very good on hours/telework/leave, but I was bored silly - surrounded by poor performers and generally wasting my time. I took a new job with more management/leadership/policy experience that I was excited about and started hating it immediately. I now work about 60 hours a week and am stressed out all the time. I barely see my kids during the week - and they often tell me they miss me during the week. Everyone is stressed out because there just isn't enough down time together. I'm a year in and already planning my downshift. I don't think it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

I'd take the job!

I had two under 5 and took a great "Washington" job. I survived for about 3 years until I had a third and left the workforce because it was too much (really too much, there was no question that it was time to leave). I totally underestimated the impact that having three kids would have on my career -- DH works long hours and travels -- but having that job for just three years proved that I could do it and perform at the highest level. I love to miss that job even though I'm much happier now.

[Anonymous]

I am a first time mom of one who took a new job when baby was just five months old. I'd been at my previous job a long time and wasn't planning to make a move but the right opportunity came around. No regrets. Ask someone you can trust about the work life balance.

[Anonymous]

I am in almost the same position as OP right now and considering a new job. I directly asked about work/life balance because i decided i cant afford not to, plus i didnt want to risk turning down the job if there was a possibility i could negotiate a better work schedule but i just didnt ask. If it turns out they cant work with me on the schedule, ive decided that i wont take the job. I am more worried about the "bandwidth" issue and hope i have enough brainpower to buckle down for the transition and do well in a challenging new job. I can do my current job in my sleep, which is great for family life but not personally fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the points to consider. I don't have an offer in hand yet but I expect to get one soon. My current job is very flexible, which is important given the lack of DH's flexibility. The benefits and pay are good - $175k, 5% 401k match - but I wouldn't take the other job unless I could negotiate similar comp, which is possible given the pay scale of the potential new job. The new job would be better for me career wise in the long run but I guess where my brain ends up is asking myself, what happens if the new job works out and I am fantastic at it? It could lead me to bigger and better jobs but is that what I really want? A superstar career which will probably require me to sacrifice my ability to volunteer with my kids school, take them to late afternoon classes, work from home a few days a week...? I guess I am struggling with the question of whether I am going to lean in or lean out. I am over 40 and had thought I was happy with a "good enough" job but this new opportunity got me excited about work for the first time in a long time. (Please don't flame me; I know that I am very lucky to have my job!) I think I need to stay put but I am experiencing lots of angst over the decision. Thanks for hearing me out.

You have a job that pays $175k AND has FABULOUS work life balance? That is the Holy Grail.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm in the same position. I have a federal job that is located in the suburbs and therefore is close to our house. They are flexible and allow me to work at home 2 days a week. However, it is not my passion and that is something that is important to me. However, to find a job I'm passionate about probably means commuting downtown and also means starting over in general (less flexibility at least for a while). Its such a tough decision. I'm probably going to try to hang in there with my current job for a few more years. Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a job like yours, that was very good on hours/telework/leave, but I was bored silly - surrounded by poor performers and generally wasting my time. I took a new job with more management/leadership/policy experience that I was excited about and started hating it immediately. I now work about 60 hours a week and am stressed out all the time. I barely see my kids during the week - and they often tell me they miss me during the week. Everyone is stressed out because there just isn't enough down time together. I'm a year in and already planning my downshift. I don't think it's worth it.

It sounds like that particular job/workplace wasn't the right fit for you. If you liked the work, 60 hours a week wouldn't be a big deal. I think OP just needs to make sure it's the right fit for her. If you'd stayed at your old job, you'd still be bored silly and unfulfilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not sahm? Genuinely curious.

Because she obviously wants to be intellectually fulfilled.

Troll. Sahm is the most fulfilling job around.

How is it trolling to note that OP is a CEO and probably doesn't want to forego her career completely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a job like yours, that was very good on hours/telework/leave, but I was bored silly - surrounded by poor performers and generally wasting my time. I took a new job with more management/leadership/policy experience that I was excited about and started hating it immediately. I now work about 60 hours a week and am stressed out all the time. I barely see my kids during the week - and they often tell me they miss me during the week. Everyone is stressed out because there just isn't enough down time together. I'm a year in and already planning my downshift. I don't think it's worth it.

It sounds like that particular job/workplace wasn't the right fit for you. If you liked the work, 60 hours a week wouldn't be a big deal. I think OP just needs to make sure it's the right fit for her. If you'd stayed at your old job, you'd still be bored silly and unfulfilled.

This is just not true! 60 hours a week is nearly impossible to see your kids! If you like your kids, you will be unhappy.

As for OP, I was in your exact position but with only 1 kid. Took the tough job, asked for as much work-life balance upfront as I could (my view in life is you should always try for what you want...you should put it out there). I work 50-55 hard hours a week (in an environment where many work much longer...because I did get some promises on work-life balance). It is hard. I miss my DC a lot. But I love the challenges of the job. I don't regret the change AT ALL...I feel great about what I am achieving... but don't know how many years I will be able to do it. I realize now how "good" a boring easy job can be. My advice: do you pick stability or do you pick the challenge, which may not pan out in the long run? That is your choice.

Finally, I don't recommend "waiting" till your kids are older...life will always have challenges.

[Anonymous]

Tell your nanny that her hours will likely increase, then offer her a raise. You should take the job, but prepare your household support team for the changes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in a similar position earlier this year. We'd just had our second child, and a colleague emailed me out of the blue with an amazing job offer (clinical faculty at an Ivy League university). In many ways, it was my dream job in terms of the variety and content of work I would have done, and the sky would have been the limit.

And, after much consideration and discussion with my prospective boss and many of her employees, I turned it down. One big reason was that it would have required a move to a location where we knew no one, whereas here we have family, friends, etc. But when it came down to it, I didn't want a demanding job, which it would have been. Not with two little kids (and hopefully a third at some point). I know myself, and it would have been easy for me to immerse myself in the job and rationalize time away from my kids, and then I would have realized that they were suddenly in high school. Not worth it.

Six months (or so) later, I have no regrets. In fact, I was offered a great promotion from my current position here, which will allow me to retain my flexibility but with a significant raise. Even if that hadn't come through (or if it falls through), I'm still glad I didn't take it. This time with my kids is far too precious and fleeting. I am so grateful for them daily--and for the interesting, meaningful work I can do here which, even if it's not my ideal, provides me with intellectual stimulation and balance.