Sad at end of crush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he not care because of the meds? My BIL takes some meds and he is pretty stoic. That translates to an I don't care attitude.

Talk to him and see if there are other meds he could take.
Your choice as to whether you can handle "in sickness and in health."

Cheating is never a good option, but divorce can be.

I'm not criticizing PP here, but I do think it's sad how often on DCUM the issue of depression comes up and the suggestion of divorce follows. Would you suggest divorce to someone who's spouse had cancer? Doubtful. Depression is a disease, it's not a choice or a lifestyle, and a very difficult to treat disease, at that. It would suck if my wife had breast cancer, but I'd sit by her side each and every day. Depression sucks, and I would hope that she would be by my side each and every day.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

What's the difference between a "crush" and an "emotional affair?" Off hand, I'd say that the latter is something that drains emotional energy from the marriage, and this seems to qualify -- even if it was unreciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, go see a marriage counselor with your spouse. Yours sounds like more than a harmless work crush.

You are not doing your daughter any favors if you do not try to improve things at home. Seriously.

Oh, puhleese! She hardly needs marriage counseling.

Her marital intimacy is suffering and so she had a little harmless crush. Women fantasize all the time and many are married. C'est la vie, OP!

[DanielG]

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference between a "crush" and an "emotional affair?" Off hand, I'd say that the latter is something that drains emotional energy from the marriage, and this seems to qualify -- even if it was unreciprocated.

In my opinion, a crush is something one sided. Like the OP's situation. She never acted on it.

An emotional affair is when both parties are communicating in a way that is not appropriate (meaning one, or both, are married or in another relationship). These can be texts, emails, phone calls, and hanging out where they flirt and express feelings to one another. Nothing physical.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to how you are feeling OP. That exciting feeling of looking forward to going into work each day to see him + flirt w/him...Kinda like in high school, how exciting it was to go to school every day to see your crush!!

Anyway, while you may feel a little let down for a few weeks, after that things will get better since like you stated, thankfully (!!) nothing ever happened between you two. It was just an innocent little crush in your mind only.

I think it was harmless and innocent and I am pretty sure it is quite normal for married people to have these from time to time. Just because someone is married does not make them blind to others. As long as you do not act on those feelings you are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he not care because of the meds? My BIL takes some meds and he is pretty stoic. That translates to an I don't care attitude.

Talk to him and see if there are other meds he could take.
Your choice as to whether you can handle "in sickness and in health."

Cheating is never a good option, but divorce can be.

I'm not criticizing PP here, but I do think it's sad how often on DCUM the issue of depression comes up and the suggestion of divorce follows. Would you suggest divorce to someone who's spouse had cancer? Doubtful. Depression is a disease, it's not a choice or a lifestyle, and a very difficult to treat disease, at that. It would suck if my wife had breast cancer, but I'd sit by her side each and every day. Depression sucks, and I would hope that she would be by my side each and every day.

You missed the point. I bolded it for you. I'm not saying she has to divorce him, but you don't know what she is experiencing. No one does. That's why it's up to her as to stay or go. I did say cheating was NOT an option, but if she simply can't stand her situation, divorce is always better than cheating. Open marriage is another option.

I get what you are saying, but someone with cancer most likely will not be stoic or emotionless. They are still emotionally available. If someone isn't there emotionally and the sex is gone, what is there? Pretty hard to stay in that situation.

And FWIW, I have depression, but I am not emotionally unavailable. The medication I took affected my sex drive. I was able to have sex but unable to orgasm. It was very frustrating. Imagine you are having sex and your wife says "stop" and you are unable to finish. That level of frustration I had to live with for months, and I did it without lashing out at anyone. It took a LONG time (and a patient and understanding DH) to be able to get over that and finally achieve orgasm, which was 90% LESS powerful than when I wasn't on medication.

Her marriage (any marriage) is salvageable if BOTH parties want it and are willing to work on it. They have their issues and need to work on fixing them. Avoiding the problem won't fix it. And one person wanting the marriage to work won't make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still time to bang him in the bathroom before he skips town. Get it out of your system and give yourself something to think about later on during the lonely times.

Thank you for this. OP here. I just said my goodbye. It was sweet. And sad.

My DH is currently very depressed and on meds/seeing a therapist. Has struggled with it for the lat 4 years, sadly. I know exactly why inhave a wandering eye and what void I am trying to fill. My DH is not "there" anymore (consumed by his own problems), so I seek a little excitment elsewhere. We have a five year old girl I adore and would never compromise her life. I just wish there was a better answer to all of this. To life with a depressed spouse.

The saddest part is that even if i had a full blown affair, i dont think DH would really care. He would probably just look the other way and forgive me. That made the temptation the worst.

I have been praying for a solution and see this guy's leaving as an answer to my prayers because this situation was untenable

Back to the hum drum of life.

So what -- stay away from other women's husbands!!

I hate when depressed, unhappy women set their marks on married men!

[Anonymous]

DanielG wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference between a "crush" and an "emotional affair?" Off hand, I'd say that the latter is something that drains emotional energy from the marriage, and this seems to qualify -- even if it was unreciprocated.

In my opinion, a crush is something one sided. Like the OP's situation. She never acted on it.

An emotional affair is when both parties are communicating in a way that is not appropriate (meaning one, or both, are married or in another relationship). These can be texts, emails, phone calls, and hanging out where they flirt and express feelings to one another. Nothing physical.

Hard telling if she acted on it or not. If the attention to the other man took absolutely nothing away from her marriage, then I'd tend to agree. If it detracted from her marriage, I'd disagree.

[Anonymous]

You should quickly have sex with him. After all, he could be your soul mate.