Sad at end of crush

[Anonymous]

I know this is as crazy and silly as it sounds - but I am a (mostly) happily married woman for 10+ years. I recently started a new job and there was a man whom I developed strong feelings for (totally one-way, only in my head). He is also married and neither acted on anything - but I know he found me attractive and even had some good convos. Wll, i had a full blown affair with him IN MY HEAD., imagination.

Just heard he is leaving the company and I am surprisingly very sad about it. Anyone BTDT?

I know its irrational - since the entire relationship was inside my head. But it was nice to have something to look forward to at work. Just a smidge of flirting. Bah. Surprisingly sad this morning. Today is his last day and I am just. sad.

Tell me to buck up and focus on my marriage! I need reminders of what a disaster it would be if anything happened.

But, I am still sad.

Need to refocus on my marriage.

Bah humbug.

[DanielG]

Suck it up and move on.

DO NOT keep in touch with him after he leaves the company.

[Anonymous]

Normal, IMO. Part of being human. Unless there's a prob with your marriage, I can't see your crush as a sign of impending divorce. You'll get over it in a day or two. We all do.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. It will feel like there's a void at work for a little while but then you'll acclimate and the intensity you feel will fade away (since it wasn't based on anything deeper than a day-to-day flirtation). And it's probably for the best, because you mention he found you attractive as well -- the fact that you're aware of this reflects that this could have progressed into something that could threaten your marriage, even if it remained "in your head". Say goodbye and start thinking about what void he was filling for you (boredom at work, in your relationship, etc) and work on those issues.

[Anonymous]

Should be glad he's leaving.
What good would have come from your continued fantasizing?
What damage could have occurred as a result of your continued fantasizing?
Should be glad he's leaving.

[Anonymous]

someone new will come along. either in person or a tv person etc. I am happily married, mostly and do this as well. no plans to act on anything, but it helps keep life interesting. just find someone (innocent crush) or something else to get into.

[Anonymous]

I'm more concerned that you spent so much time fantasizing about someone you know instead of expending that energy on your DH.

I don't think you are as "happily" married as you proclaim.

Let me put it this way: would you be completely comfortable if it was your DH that had these feelings/fantasy with a female coworker?

I follow the golden rule: do unto others. Basically, if I don't want my DH to do it, I don't engage in that behavior. He is the same way.

[Anonymous]

Still time to bang him in the bathroom before he skips town. Get it out of your system and give yourself something to think about later on during the lonely times.

[Anonymous]

A crush is a crush but I would be pissed if my DH were this upset over a coworker leaving. It's crossed a line that's past crush, IMO. You sound heartbroken.

[Anonymous]

You sound crazy. This is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still time to bang him in the bathroom before he skips town. Get it out of your system and give yourself something to think about later on during the lonely times.

Thank you for this. OP here. I just said my goodbye. It was sweet. And sad.

My DH is currently very depressed and on meds/seeing a therapist. Has struggled with it for the lat 4 years, sadly. I know exactly why inhave a wandering eye and what void I am trying to fill. My DH is not "there" anymore (consumed by his own problems), so I seek a little excitment elsewhere. We have a five year old girl I adore and would never compromise her life. I just wish there was a better answer to all of this. To life with a depressed spouse.

The saddest part is that even if i had a full blown affair, i dont think DH would really care. He would probably just look the other way and forgive me. That made the temptation the worst.

I have been praying for a solution and see this guy's leaving as an answer to my prayers because this situation was untenable

Back to the hum drum of life.

[Anonymous]

Does he not care because of the meds? My BIL takes some meds and he is pretty stoic. That translates to an I don't care attitude.

Talk to him and see if there are other meds he could take.
Your choice as to whether you can handle "in sickness and in health."

Cheating is never a good option, but divorce can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still time to bang him in the bathroom before he skips town. Get it out of your system and give yourself something to think about later on during the lonely times.

Thank you for this. OP here. I just said my goodbye. It was sweet. And sad.

My DH is currently very depressed and on meds/seeing a therapist. Has struggled with it for the lat 4 years, sadly. I know exactly why inhave a wandering eye and what void I am trying to fill. My DH is not "there" anymore (consumed by his own problems), so I seek a little excitment elsewhere. We have a five year old girl I adore and would never compromise her life. I just wish there was a better answer to all of this. To life with a depressed spouse.

The saddest part is that even if i had a full blown affair, i dont think DH would really care. He would probably just look the other way and forgive me. That made the temptation the worst.

I have been praying for a solution and see this guy's leaving as an answer to my prayers because this situation was untenable

Back to the hum drum of life.

What on earth makes you so sure that there was any chance of anything happening with this guy? You act like you had to hold yourself back and are a moral giant because you didn't screw around... Maybe he is happily married and never had any interest in messing around with you.

[Anonymous]

Please, go see a marriage counselor with your spouse. Yours sounds like more than a harmless work crush.

You are not doing your daughter any favors if you do not try to improve things at home. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A crush is a crush but I would be pissed if my DH were this upset over a coworker leaving. It's crossed a line that's past crush, IMO. You sound heartbroken.

I'm a guy who had a huge work crush-literally slept with her dozens of times in my head. It was not a good use of my energy and I started to snap back to reality. Now I am careful with these things because a crush with intensity is not emotionally healthy.