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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he not care because of the meds? My BIL takes some meds and he is pretty stoic. That translates to an I don't care attitude.

Talk to him and see if there are other meds he could take.
[b]Your choice as to whether you can handle "in sickness and in health."
[/b]
Cheating is never a good option, but divorce can be.[/quote]

I'm not criticizing PP here, but I do think it's sad how often on DCUM the issue of depression comes up and the suggestion of divorce follows. Would you suggest divorce to someone who's spouse had cancer? Doubtful. Depression is a disease, it's not a choice or a lifestyle, and a very difficult to treat disease, at that. It would suck if my wife had breast cancer, but I'd sit by her side each and every day. Depression sucks, and I would hope that she would be by my side each and every day.[/quote]

You missed the point. I bolded it for you. I'm not saying she has to divorce him, but you don't know what she is experiencing. No one does. That's why it's up to her as to stay or go. I did say cheating was NOT an option, but if she simply can't stand her situation, divorce is always better than cheating. Open marriage is another option.

I get what you are saying, but someone with cancer most likely will not be stoic or emotionless. They are still emotionally available. If someone isn't there emotionally [b]and [/b]the sex is gone, what is there? Pretty hard to stay in that situation.

And FWIW, I have depression, but I am not emotionally unavailable. The medication I took affected my sex drive. I was able to have sex but unable to orgasm. It was very frustrating. Imagine you are having sex and your wife says "stop" and you are unable to finish. That level of frustration I had to live with for months, and I did it without lashing out at anyone. It took a LONG time (and a patient and understanding DH) to be able to get over that and finally achieve orgasm, which was 90% LESS powerful than when I wasn't on medication.

Her marriage (any marriage) is salvageable if BOTH parties want it and are willing to work on it. They have their issues and need to work on fixing them. Avoiding the problem won't fix it. And one person wanting the marriage to work won't make it work.

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