Joke taken out of context

[Anonymous]

Did she think he was asking her for a nude pic? Was she present for or aware of the joke behind your husbands comment? I don't know if he could get fired but will def be put on some sort of performance plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is open season on white males in the workplace. Your husband needs to watch everything he says and does.

Yes, if by "watch everything he says and does", you mean "not send sexually explicit messages to a colleague, whether it's a joke or not, because it's unprofessional, immature and inappropriate".

[Anonymous]

Actually, what your H did was taken in the correct context. it was inappropriate.

I am a M, and could not imagine such a joke.

[Anonymous]

In the mid 2000's, I was in house counsel for a company where this sort of stuff was rampant. Crude jokes, guys bragging about sexual prowess in mixed company, guys showing porno to female colleagues on office computers, execs telling subs that they had freaky dreams about them - it was pure foolishness.

And as the lawyer who had to work with HR on this stuff, I saw firsthand that these young women were shell shocked. It hits people and it hits them hard! Imagine trying to make it a male-dominated industry and have your boss show you a video and say that your breasts were bigger than the woman in the film. We had a woman sign herself in to Sibley.

My company was awful until we were able to get 3-4 of the offenders out of there. So out of context or not, your DH should not talking about nude pics in the workplace. He will likely get a personal warning and HR will send out a message about the issue in general

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is open season on white males in the workplace. Your husband needs to watch everything he says and does.

Right...because a lot them are finally being called to the carpet on the BS they used to get away with unchecked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the mid 2000's, I was in house counsel for a company where this sort of stuff was rampant. Crude jokes, guys bragging about sexual prowess in mixed company, guys showing porno to female colleagues on office computers, execs telling subs that they had freaky dreams about them - it was pure foolishness.

And as the lawyer who had to work with HR on this stuff, I saw firsthand that these young women were shell shocked. It hits people and it hits them hard! Imagine trying to make it a male-dominated industry and have your boss show you a video and say that your breasts were bigger than the woman in the film. We had a woman sign herself in to Sibley.

My company was awful until we were able to get 3-4 of the offenders out of there. So out of context or not, your DH should not talking about nude pics in the workplace. He will likely get a personal warning and HR will send out a message about the issue in general

cnn?

[Anonymous]

Your DH is a stupid loser. What idiot thinks the initial joking around is OK, let alone the second message?

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. He is not likely to be fired only over this alone-- but you don't know the whole story-- have others complained about him? Was this the only incident the co worker complained about?
He will probably have to do a sensitivity course and better not fuck up again. May also affect his promotion ability if moving up means managing people.

[Anonymous]

I think he is lying to you and probably is much more crude at work and is out of control.

[Anonymous]

She needs to watch Mad Men

[Anonymous]

His workplace environment is totally unprofessional and the behaviors inappropriate. Just because everyone seems to be laughing doesn't mean they agree and may have found it hostile. Maybe he will have to take one for the team and be made an example of. Lesson learned because he was too stupid to not already know that lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is so, so, so stupid to have gotten himself into this but here we go...

Recently his office has changed into an "open plan" community esstentially having one long row of coworkers with no walls. Given the openness of the offices now there is constant banter between the team and given that it's advertising, it's normally not PG rated. Apparently there was a discussion recently that involved talking about nude pics accompanying resumes. Everyone participated in the discussion, was laughing and generally comfortable. A day or two later my husband was working at night and a coworker (female) skyped him to talk about a potential new hire. Given the recent discussion at the office he jokingly said- "Got any nude pics. Oops, sorry wrong chat. Jkjkjkjjkk" she never responded back and apparently went idle. No mention of the chat the next day and a month passes. Until my husband was called into HR. She reported him for sexual harassment over the message. They are now doing an investigation into the incident to determine next steps.

Sexual harassment is a serious offense. But I'm shocked that 1. She never directly mentioned to him or any other member of the team that it was offensive 2. A month passes before she decides to bring this up?

Can he be fired over this stupid joke???

the whole team should have known better. there should have been zero discussions about this in such a pubic area. I know your DH was just joking, but I wouldn't be surprised if they make him take sensitivity classes and watch him closely going forward. Depending on the company, it could be easier to just fire him and not risk the woman suing the company. cheaper to get rid of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a stupid loser. What idiot thinks the initial joking around is OK, let alone the second message?

really PP? that was totally inappropriate. You don't don't OP's DH. Like you haven't made a stupid mistake in your lifetime, put your foot in your mouth and wished like hell you could take back your comment? If not then you are from another planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a stupid loser. What idiot thinks the initial joking around is OK, let alone the second message?

really PP? that was totally inappropriate. You don't don't OP's DH. Like you haven't made a stupid mistake in your lifetime, put your foot in your mouth and wished like hell you could take back your comment? If not then you are from another planet.

Not PP, but seriously, this is not a joke taken out of context. It was sexual harassment from the get go and for OP to categorize it as a "joke" is seriously problematic. I am chalking it up to her being freaked out because she realizes how serious the situation is. But, I can see how some might be really offended by OP calling it a joke.

[Anonymous]

The group session was inappropriate, the individual comment was sexual harassment and far over the line. The group session created a hostile environment for which several people contributed, but it wasn't targeted at any one person. The one-on-one comment was a targeted comment that focused on an individual. An individual that is uncomfortable in the group setting was not the focus of the inappropriate and offensive content. The individual woman WAS the target and had an actual offender say it directly to her. If your husband really cannot see the difference, then he does need to have mandatory sensitivity training.

The group incident needs to be addressed by HR as a general reminder that such comments create a hostile environment and in the future, those who participate in such comments may be subject to official reprimand. Your husband should be subject to official reprimand now. Depending on how far the co-worker wants to push this, he could be fired. Hopefully he'll get a chance to clean up his act and stop with the 1950's locker room banter, but don't be surprised if he isn't given the chance to clean up and is asked to leave.