Anyone out there with young kids and very old grandparents?

[Anonymous]

My parents died young and never knew my kids. Be grateful for every moment you have with everyone together. Don't waste it worrying. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws are older. Dh was a late in life surprise so they had been grandparents for 2 decades when we had our first at age 30. It does suck knowing my kids won't really have them in their lives. But thems the breaks. We do ourselves a disservice imagining we can control for and optimize all this stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP,

This is the way life works out sometimes. My mom died at 57 and never got to see any of her kids get married much less a single grandkid. Whenever I see my nieces refer to their grandma (my brother's MIL) or now my 2.5 yr old say grandma (my MIL, who is a complete witch btw), it pains me that they will never know my mom.

Be grateful that they got to meet your kids and have some time with them.

[Anonymous]

I get sad about this too OP. Dh's father is late 70s and not in good health and we have an infant. I feel bad because FIL loves seeing the baby and gets very excited when we visit, but he is too weak to hold him, and he gets tired and goes to bed after about 30 min of visiting. It is sad. I know FIL wants to play with him and be a grandpa but he is just too old and ill to do much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last few posters are idiots. Did you miss the part of how I was in the similar position and told her to stop wishing for the impossible?

Did you miss the part where you are still an a-hole for suggesting that if she was "so concerned" about it she "should have" had kids earlier? Shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

This is the way life works out sometimes. My mom died at 57 and never got to see any of her kids get married much less a single grandkid. Whenever I see my nieces refer to their grandma (my brother's MIL) or now my 2.5 yr old say grandma (my MIL, who is a complete witch btw), it pains me that they will never know my mom.

Be grateful that they got to meet your kids and have some time with them.

+1

I could have written this exact post.

It is what it is OP, be grateful for what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids under 5, and parents in their late 80s with failing health. When not rushing around after my kids, I'm overcome with sadness over my parents and the little time they have left with their grandparents. I am grateful they've lived as long as they have, but selfishly want them to make it through a few more years so their grandchildren can have strong memories.

Is anyone in this situation?

Yes. 8 yr old DS with 90 yr old grandparents who live with us. Feel incredibly blessed that my DS has been raised with them. They are healthy, mentally sharp and physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids under 5, and parents in their late 80s with failing health. When not rushing around after my kids, I'm overcome with sadness over my parents and the little time they have left with their grandparents. I am grateful they've lived as long as they have, but selfishly want them to make it through a few more years so their grandchildren can have strong memories.

Is anyone in this situation?

PP again. And, yes, I always think, "if they'll just hold out until DS is 10 or 12..." DS is 8 now and has had them in his lives since infancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was the oldest in her family, and had us in her 20s. So my grandma was 50 when I was born. But there was a big spread in age between my mom and her other siblings and my youngest cousin is 25 years younger than me. Needless to say, whereas I grew up with a "young" grandma who could do all sorts of things, to my cousin grandma has always been an old lady.

This is me exactly- on my mother's side, she is the oldest of 7. I am her oldest. My grandmother has grandchildren who range from 33-10. Larger families have to just deal with this reality.

Its hard and sad- embrace all the love and time you have so that when the time is done you know that you have a full heart to last you the rest of your own years and pay it forward with the generations below you.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. Can you have your parents write letters to your children? And record a video with some of their stories with messages to the children? My grandmother died when I was a pre teen and there's an amazing video we have of her with me running around in the background at about 6.

Make the most of the time you have. Takes pictures of them together. You do have to be thankful for what you have, but it's ok to mourn what you don't have as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, be sure to take pictures and videos of your parents with your children (and you!), and also group family pictures. You and your children will treasure them forever. My SIL took a multi-generation pic of herself with her mother, elderly grandmother and infant daughter. A year later, the grandmother and SIL were both dead. You never know what life will bring. We all only have today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

Go to hell, PP.

+100

I try not to be too mean on DCUM, or at least not to call names, but wow, what a nasty post. To the quoted PP -- I cannot believe life hasn't adjusted your attitude for you, but it will sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

My parents died before I adopted. My husbands dad died at age 80 last year, our child was 6. MIL will be 80 this year.
I hope my MIL lives many healthy years longer. My mom and dad were very sick and needy at the end of their lives, so it is a blessing not to have to deal with 2 sick parents and young children.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel. My MIL died a few months ago. I don't think my 5 year old will remember her very well, but we do have lots of pictures.

I never knew either of my grandfathers. My one grandmother died when I was a toddler and the other one when I was 10. I always longed for more, but it wasn't meant to be.

[Anonymous]

This is us. We met late (my spouse's second marriage, my first, but I was 37 when we married). My spouse had some health issues that had to be resolved so we were in our 40s when we had our kids. Yes, twins via IVF. We are both the youngest of 3 being 5-8 years younger than our sibs who had their kids in their 30s. So my MIL who is 83 has one grandchild who is 22 and two grandchildren who are 3. My parents are 88 and 82 and they have grandchildren 21, 19, 18, 3 and 3. I am in fact old enough to be my children's grandparent. So what? We're happy and ecstatic to have such a family. My parents are over the moon having new grandchildren. For them, it's like having great-grandchildren because they had grandchildren 20 years ago. My MIL is also so ecstatic, that she comes to visit us twice as often as she used to just to see the kids. Yes, our parents are more limited mobility-wise, but otherwise we're a very happy family.

Yes, my dad's health is not as good as it once was, but in actuality, having new grandchildren has improved his health steadily over the last 3 years. He was starting to withdraw from life, but now talks about making it to 100 so that he can see them graduate from high school. And he's clearly happier. That makes me happier.

There's an old saying "You wake up each morning and you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Which are you going to choose?" Well, you can look at it as sad or you can appreciate what you have. I have a father whose health is better now that he has two new grandchildren and who I think I'll have around 10-15 years longer than I once thought. I have two children who are the joy of my life and truly complete me and my family. I had always wanted to be a parent and now am. Yes, it's harder to be an older parent, but it's still as wonderful as it can be. For those who only think poorly of our choices and what horrible things we've done to our children being older parents, I don't really care. We are a happy family, healthy so far and not that different from our peers who are 10-15 years younger than we are. I am frankly in better shape than many new parents who are 10-15 years younger than I am. And I am significantly better off financially than those same peers. We have our forever house instead of our starter house. If we need to make changes in our life like get housekeepers, or lawncare service, we do it because we can afford it. We choose to be happy, so we are.