Anyone out there with young kids and very old grandparents?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids under 5, and parents in their late 80s with failing health. When not rushing around after my kids, I'm overcome with sadness over my parents and the little time they have left with their grandparents. I am grateful they've lived as long as they have, but selfishly want them to make it through a few more years so their grandchildren can have strong memories.

Is anyone in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Need I say the obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents died before I was born. In their late 50s and 60s. Life goes on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

Need I say you are both aholes for approaching it this way? My husband is the youngest. We got married in his early 30s, my late 20s, finally had 2 children after 7 years of infertility treatments last year. His parents, both in their late 80s are over the moon for these, their only grands.

We visit as often as we can. We realize the moments now are for his parents, and it will be for us to revitalize the memories of these two great people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

Should have, could have. Are you suggesting that OP have kids with someone just so her parents can be grandparents? Life happens and you can't necessarily plan for every aspect of it, right?
OP - your parents are enjoying your kids. Let them spend as much time together as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

This is so ignorant. Do you think we can all make perfect choices about when to have kids, as if we were e.g. buying cars? I didn't even meet my DH until I was 37. I wanted to marry and start a family earlier, but it was not in the cards.

None of us has the kind of perfect control you describe.

[Anonymous]

The last few posters are idiots. Did you miss the part of how I was in the similar position and told her to stop wishing for the impossible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents died before I was born. In their late 50s and 60s. Life goes on...

+1000

MIL was extremely involved with her daughter's children, and uses excuses about them being more important (though she wouldn't call it that). Perhaps to make up for our children begin the only ones having the grandfathers last name? Who knows. Anyway, she is an uninvolved grandmother, and clearly was an uninvolved mother. So, no great loss - even though it would be nice to have a nice, non-bitter, involved grandparent - since she lives so close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need I say the obvious?

I will state it. OP, if you were so concerned, you could have had kids sooner.

Stop wishing for the impossible and enjoy what you have.

My DH is the youngest of 5 and we are the only ones to have kids. We had our first shortly after our first anniv. His mom had a few years of being a grandmother before passing at 73.

We didnt have kids bc of her age. We simply had an oops baby on BC. By the way, my MIL is about 10 yrs younger than my grandmother.

Go to hell, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids under 5, and parents in their late 80s with failing health. When not rushing around after my kids, I'm overcome with sadness over my parents and the little time they have left with their grandparents. I am grateful they've lived as long as they have, but selfishly want them to make it through a few more years so their grandchildren can have strong memories.

Is anyone in this situation?

I get it OP. I lost my dad last year - he was 80. It was just a few weeks after the baptism for my second. I'm so glad he got to meet her, and have a few years with the oldest, but I'm very sad there wasn't more time. He'd have loved the chatterbox my 4yo is now. It is what it is, which is unfortunately all the wisdom I have about it.

It's tough to be stretched out generationally. My parents were older when they had me, their parents were older, I'm older. Some of my grandparents were born in the 1880's! I got to meet three of them. It would have been nice to know them better, but they lived overseas. I do have positive memories of them though.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to those who were kind in their responses. Many reasons why it took me as long as it did to have my children. I do spend as much time together as possible.

Thanks again for the kindness.

[Anonymous]

My mom was the oldest in her family, and had us in her 20s. So my grandma was 50 when I was born. But there was a big spread in age between my mom and her other siblings and my youngest cousin is 25 years younger than me. Needless to say, whereas I grew up with a "young" grandma who could do all sorts of things, to my cousin grandma has always been an old lady.

[Anonymous]

For me it's my grandfather who just turned 90. I was also very close to my grandmother, who passed about 6 months before I got pregnant. It stinks. Plain and simple. All our family is out of state (4 hour drive) so we go back as often as possible while the two remaining grandparents are alive. More work for us but my grandfather is a much better grandfather and great grandfather than he was a father and my mother loves to see this side of him as well. Course I wouldn't be surprised if he hits 100, still walks 2-3 miles almost daily, eats insanely healthy, etc.

Bottom line is you need to take pictures/videos of your children with your aging parents. You need to prioritize visits with them, it's obviously clear that's something you would regret not doing later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it's my grandfather who just turned 90. I was also very close to my grandmother, who passed about 6 months before I got pregnant. It stinks. Plain and simple. All our family is out of state (4 hour drive) so we go back as often as possible while the two remaining grandparents are alive. More work for us but my grandfather is a much better grandfather and great grandfather than he was a father and my mother loves to see this side of him as well. Course I wouldn't be surprised if he hits 100, still walks 2-3 miles almost daily, eats insanely healthy, etc.

Bottom line is you need to take pictures/videos of your children with your aging parents. You need to prioritize visits with them, it's obviously clear that's something you would regret not doing later on.

The OP is talking about her *parents*, not grandparents. It's a whole other issue losing someone that important in your life, the responsibility for care-taking, etc. To have your grandparents living to your adulthood is a blessing, not a given, and it's exactly the thing the OP is saying her children will miss, as her parents will probably die when her kids are in elementary school.