would this have hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

No, it wouldn't have hurt my feelings. He's being straight-forward and saying where his boundaries are and what he needs. I'd go have a great day tomorrow and pursue my life. If he calls, great. If not, then we're over - ball is firmly in his court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would rub me the wrong way but nor a huge deal. Why are you not exclusive?

I am recently divorced and don't want to be exclusive now. It did rub me the wrong way. I texted him about 3 hours after the race so it is not like he just finished. I was excited for him and wanted to hear the details. Now I feel like an idiot.

I'm going to assume you've never complete a long, strenuous race. Racing is more than just physical. Your mind is just as exhausted as your body. If he needs to chill out and relax, back off. I never wanted to see or talk to people after a marathon, including my SO and family. I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to chat up a girl I'm casually sleeping with.

ok, got it. the last time he raced he texted me right away. I suppose he is losing interest.

I hate when people post a scenario with a question, and leave out an important detail until they've had some answers. It screams passive-aggressive, manipulative pain in the ass.

OP, if that's actually you who added that he's texted you right after a race before, then yes, I agree he probably is losing interest.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line, you're not exclusive, he clearly doesn't care about you all that much. If he did, he'd want to share something as important as this race with you. Duh! Not trying to be rude, just honest. How old are you?? And bottom line, you want to be exclusive with him. Otherwise you wouldn't post. So deal with that, and then move on. Honey, he's just not that into you. Uh, I'm being mean! Don't mean to be, but your post is painful! You sound like my 6-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would rub me the wrong way but nor a huge deal. Why are you not exclusive?

I am recently divorced and don't want to be exclusive now. It did rub me the wrong way. I texted him about 3 hours after the race so it is not like he just finished. I was excited for him and wanted to hear the details. Now I feel like an idiot.

I'm going to assume you've never complete a long, strenuous race. Racing is more than just physical. Your mind is just as exhausted as your body. If he needs to chill out and relax, back off. I never wanted to see or talk to people after a marathon, including my SO and family. I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to chat up a girl I'm casually sleeping with.

ok, got it. the last time he raced he texted me right away. I suppose he is losing interest.

No. It doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Maybe this is a male/female perception thing. I am male, and to me he has done nothing warranting this sort of second guessing. And OP is reading WAY too much into every little thing. With men, a cigar is often just a cigar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, you're not exclusive, he clearly doesn't care about you all that much. If he did, he'd want to share something as important as this race with you. Duh! Not trying to be rude, just honest. How old are you?? And bottom line, you want to be exclusive with him. Otherwise you wouldn't post. So deal with that, and then move on. Honey, he's just not that into you. Uh, I'm being mean! Don't mean to be, but your post is painful! You sound like my 6-year-old.

I disagree with the "he doesn't care about you" line. Again, maybe this is a male/female thing, but some of you are reading too much into minor stuff. It's very possible that he is just tired. Just because he doesn't immediately call you, hyperventilating with excitement, doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It just means that he is a grown ass man with a life. Ignore the ladies here that are trying to psychoanalyze him and just relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're sending mixed signals. I would only call a guy to share if we were exclusive.

This is true. Is he on the same page about not wanting to be exclusive? Relationships like this aren't always conducive to that emotional closeness that would cause him to want to share his experience with you. That being said, he might truly just he whipped. And no, you're not crazy - you felt rejected, and that never feels good.

[Anonymous]

If your not exclusive you have to be more casual about your responsibilities to each other. Just wait for him to call you AND ACT CASUAL!! you will scare him off of even non exclusive if you seem too needy.

[Anonymous]

Btw if he IS losing interest then don't take it personally. These casual relationships do have natural boundaries and usually run their course, no matter how fun and exciting in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your not exclusive you have to be more casual about your responsibilities to each other. Just wait for him to call you AND ACT CASUAL!! you will scare him off of even non exclusive if you seem too needy.

OP doesn't sound particularly needy. She was being kind and thoughtful and shouldn't have to pretend to be or feel a certain way - she should be herself.
That being said, she should be honest with herself about what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your not exclusive you have to be more casual about your responsibilities to each other. Just wait for him to call you AND ACT CASUAL!! you will scare him off of even non exclusive if you seem too needy.

OP doesn't sound particularly needy. She was being kind and thoughtful and shouldn't have to pretend to be or feel a certain way - she should be herself.
That being said, she should be honest with herself about what she wants.

Asking to call him is not needy, and nothing to be ashamed of. However some of her posts here came across to me as insecure and critical of his actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your not exclusive you have to be more casual about your responsibilities to each other. Just wait for him to call you AND ACT CASUAL!! you will scare him off of even non exclusive if you seem too needy.

OP doesn't sound particularly needy. She was being kind and thoughtful and shouldn't have to pretend to be or feel a certain way - she should be herself.
That being said, she should be honest with herself about what she wants.

OP here. I do not want to be exclusive with him because I do not see us together for the long term. I do believe we are on the same page although we have not discussed it. We are at different stages in life. That being said, I do like him and I really enjoy spending time with him. He has become a friend (and a bit more). I have listened to the details of the race for the past few weeks and I was really excited to hear how he did. Call me sensitive but I felt really hurt when he told me he needed down time and did not want to talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Why weren't you there? Did he want you tree but you couldn't or didn't want to come?

Maybe he saw many spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends cheering on the racers and he felt let down that you weren't there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why weren't you there? Did he want you tree but you couldn't or didn't want to come?

Maybe he saw many spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends cheering on the racers and he felt let down that you weren't there?

I was with my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your not exclusive you have to be more casual about your responsibilities to each other. Just wait for him to call you AND ACT CASUAL!! you will scare him off of even non exclusive if you seem too needy.

OP doesn't sound particularly needy. She was being kind and thoughtful and shouldn't have to pretend to be or feel a certain way - she should be herself.
That being said, she should be honest with herself about what she wants.

OP here. I do not want to be exclusive with him because I do not see us together for the long term. I do believe we are on the same page although we have not discussed it. We are at different stages in life. That being said, I do like him and I really enjoy spending time with him. He has become a friend (and a bit more). I have listened to the details of the race for the past few weeks and I was really excited to hear how he did. Call me sensitive but I felt really hurt when he told me he needed down time and did not want to talk to me.

BS. Would it hurt your feelings if a girlfriend biked in a race and didn't text you right away after? Or didn't feel like talking on the phone because she was tired after?

You want to be exclusive and either you're lying to yourself and pushing him away (and he's realizing it) or he isn't into being exclusive with you and you're trying to rationalize it.

I would literally not be hurt if a non-exclusive guy and I had the interaction you describe. Exclusive, dating a long time? Fuck yeah. Non-exclusive, friend-with-benefits as you describe? I would not expect it from that level of relationship.

[Anonymous]

If he really was into you I think he would find the time to talk on the phone briefly.