Do I talk to my brother or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is divorced, in his 40s, and has had a few girlfriends since then. I don't really like his current girlfriend, but I'm not the one who has to sleep with her, so it doesn't really matter.

If you had said he's repeating dysfunctional behavior that he had with his ex, I might gently say something, out of concern. But an entirely different woman? Sounds like it could be a good thing for him.

And I will just say from experience that while your brother may immediately fall head over heels for her , it's totally normal and OK for it to take some time for the rest of his family, including you, to warm up to someone who's basically a stranger. You may find out you have things in common, or at least can hold a conversation.

Hope they are mind to one another and wish them the best.

*kind

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine why you would think this is any of your business. You are not your brother's keeper, OP. Butt out!

[Anonymous]

You don't like the new girlfriend because she's young and confident and you suspect she has ulterior motives. Maybe your brother has the most obvious motives for choosing her, but you don't seem to mind those. The fact that you didn't like the ex-SIL, who is so opposite from the current gf, either makes me think you won't like anyone for your brother. So just let it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My brother got divorced about 4 years ago. It was a bad marriage with an impossible wife. We were all relieved when after 22 years they finally agreed it was not working (mutual decision). He is successful and accomplished, nice looking and rich. In other words a great catch.
He has started dating in the last few years. Up until last year no one seriously. Then he tells me he met someone he is crazy about but who is considerable younger (eye roll). He is in his 40's she is 27. She lives about 45 min away and they met professionally. Finally at a family function I got to meet her. I immediately sized her up as a controlling, and somewhat manipulative woman. She also appears to be full of herself, she is tall and attractive but kind of flaunts herself, she comes across overly confident. She was engaged until a few years ago and for whatever reason it didn't work out. She has him wrapped around her finger and he is all gaga over her. I just got a vibe, you know when that happens? My family is really proper so no one said a word but my mom finally told me she got the same impression.

Well.....he called me 3 days ago to announce she is moving in! I was shell shocked. I cannot believe it. His youngest is leaving for college in Aug. so I guess he feels that it's OK. I am sad over it as I just dont' like her and think she is out for his money. The question is do I speak my mind? Do i tell him what I have observed? She is so vastly different from his previous wife. The only good thing here is that she is really into fitness so has whipped him into running and exercising and taking really good care of his body. Besides that though I don't see this going anywhere, but obviously my brother feels differently. What to do?

Why do you need to do anything? Is your brother asking for your advice? Does he appear unhappy?

You judged this woman before you even met her, just because she was younger than he was. You "immediately" decides she was controlling and manipulative, she "appears" full of herself, and "comes across as" overly confident. They met professionally (which means she has a job) but you think that there's no way she really cares about your "great catch" of a brother, she's just out for his money. You barely know her. What, precisely, have you "observed?" You have pointed to no statements or behavior on her part that support your "vibe" that she is a terrible person and this relationship isn't going anywhere (even though it demonstrably is, since she's moving in with him). If I were you, I would keep my mouth firmly shut. What could you possibly say? "Hey, brother, I know you like this woman, and she's pretty and confident and has inspired you to take better care of yourself, but I don't like her and I think that she's really just after your money and doesn't really love you." Yeah, that will go over well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't like the new girlfriend because she's young and confident and you suspect she has ulterior motives. Maybe your brother has the most obvious motives for choosing her, but you don't seem to mind those. The fact that you didn't like the ex-SIL, who is so opposite from the current gf, either makes me think you won't like anyone for your brother. So just let it be.

The OP thinks her brother is a "great catch," but can't believe that a young, attractive woman actually loves him. Nice.

And I agree--if this woman is so different from the SIL, it may be that the OP isn't going to like anyone he dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how she says her brother's wife was "impossible." As if he was a perfect angel.

I wonder if this "proper" family contributed to any marital strife? If so, they will likely do it with his new GF.

Yes she was a total brat, very entitled (admits it now very easily) didn't even get along with her own daughters. Would not do self service EVER. If she had no choice, I swear she would call her husband and ask him to come pump it for her. I cannot make it up. She refused to cook, so every night was going out or take out, my brother on occasion cooked. She was out 3-4 nights a week for her many girls nights, and basically was a total narcissists. Don't even get me started on her...she could be the subject of her own reality show. It is well and widely known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't like the new girlfriend because she's young and confident and you suspect she has ulterior motives. Maybe your brother has the most obvious motives for choosing her, but you don't seem to mind those. The fact that you didn't like the ex-SIL, who is so opposite from the current gf, either makes me think you won't like anyone for your brother. So just let it be.

The OP thinks her brother is a "great catch," but can't believe that a young, attractive woman actually loves him. Nice.

And I agree--if this woman is so different from the SIL, it may be that the OP isn't going to like anyone he dates.

Who said I cant believe a 27 year would go for him? I never said that so please do not say fabrications!!! Of course she would be attracted to him, he is a great catch. I prefaced my post by saying that I believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My brother got divorced about 4 years ago. It was a bad marriage with an impossible wife. We were all relieved when after 22 years they finally agreed it was not working (mutual decision). He is successful and accomplished, nice looking and rich. In other words a great catch.
He has started dating in the last few years. Up until last year no one seriously. Then he tells me he met someone he is crazy about but who is considerable younger (eye roll). He is in his 40's she is 27. She lives about 45 min away and they met professionally. Finally at a family function I got to meet her. I immediately sized her up as a controlling, and somewhat manipulative woman. She also appears to be full of herself, she is tall and attractive but kind of flaunts herself, she comes across overly confident. She was engaged until a few years ago and for whatever reason it didn't work out. She has him wrapped around her finger and he is all gaga over her. I just got a vibe, you know when that happens? My family is really proper so no one said a word but my mom finally told me she got the same impression.

Well.....he called me 3 days ago to announce she is moving in! I was shell shocked. I cannot believe it. His youngest is leaving for college in Aug. so I guess he feels that it's OK. I am sad over it as I just dont' like her and think she is out for his money. The question is do I speak my mind? Do i tell him what I have observed? She is so vastly different from his previous wife. The only good thing here is that she is really into fitness so has whipped him into running and exercising and taking really good care of his body. Besides that though I don't see this going anywhere, but obviously my brother feels differently. What to do?

Why do you need to do anything? Is your brother asking for your advice? Does he appear unhappy?

You judged this woman before you even met her, just because she was younger than he was. You "immediately" decides she was controlling and manipulative, she "appears" full of herself, and "comes across as" overly confident. They met professionally (which means she has a job) but you think that there's no way she really cares about your "great catch" of a brother, she's just out for his money. You barely know her. What, precisely, have you "observed?" You have pointed to no statements or behavior on her part that support your "vibe" that she is a terrible person and this relationship isn't going anywhere (even though it demonstrably is, since she's moving in with him). If I were you, I would keep my mouth firmly shut. What could you possibly say? "Hey, brother, I know you like this woman, and she's pretty and confident and has inspired you to take better care of yourself, but I don't like her and I think that she's really just after your money and doesn't really love you." Yeah, that will go over well.

OK you want examples let me give a few to you- he lives in an apt worth about 1.5 million (moved out to this apt after his divorce). She said she didn't like it and has talked him into selling it and he is buying a more expensive apt. that SHE found.

They were going to Italy for her best friends wedding and she decides to turn their 4 day stay into a 15 day extended trip all over Europe, staying in the best hotels, of course all on his dime.

She wanted a new car and talked him into getting her a very expensive car as a "birthday gift".

Need I go on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how she says her brother's wife was "impossible." As if he was a perfect angel.

I wonder if this "proper" family contributed to any marital strife? If so, they will likely do it with his new GF.

Yes she was a total brat, very entitled (admits it now very easily) didn't even get along with her own daughters. Would not do self service EVER. If she had no choice, I swear she would call her husband and ask him to come pump it for her. I cannot make it up. She refused to cook, so every night was going out or take out, my brother on occasion cooked. She was out 3-4 nights a week for her many girls nights, and basically was a total narcissists. Don't even get me started on her...she could be the subject of her own reality show. It is well and widely known.

Ok so we get you hate the ex but still no actual reason for why you dislike the new gf. Other than a "feeling" and the fact that she's young, attractive, tall, and confident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My brother got divorced about 4 years ago. It was a bad marriage with an impossible wife. We were all relieved when after 22 years they finally agreed it was not working (mutual decision). He is successful and accomplished, nice looking and rich. In other words a great catch.
He has started dating in the last few years. Up until last year no one seriously. Then he tells me he met someone he is crazy about but who is considerable younger (eye roll). He is in his 40's she is 27. She lives about 45 min away and they met professionally. Finally at a family function I got to meet her. I immediately sized her up as a controlling, and somewhat manipulative woman. She also appears to be full of herself, she is tall and attractive but kind of flaunts herself, she comes across overly confident. She was engaged until a few years ago and for whatever reason it didn't work out. She has him wrapped around her finger and he is all gaga over her. I just got a vibe, you know when that happens? My family is really proper so no one said a word but my mom finally told me she got the same impression.

Well.....he called me 3 days ago to announce she is moving in! I was shell shocked. I cannot believe it. His youngest is leaving for college in Aug. so I guess he feels that it's OK. I am sad over it as I just dont' like her and think she is out for his money. The question is do I speak my mind? Do i tell him what I have observed? She is so vastly different from his previous wife. The only good thing here is that she is really into fitness so has whipped him into running and exercising and taking really good care of his body. Besides that though I don't see this going anywhere, but obviously my brother feels differently. What to do?

Why do you need to do anything? Is your brother asking for your advice? Does he appear unhappy?

You judged this woman before you even met her, just because she was younger than he was. You "immediately" decides she was controlling and manipulative, she "appears" full of herself, and "comes across as" overly confident. They met professionally (which means she has a job) but you think that there's no way she really cares about your "great catch" of a brother, she's just out for his money. You barely know her. What, precisely, have you "observed?" You have pointed to no statements or behavior on her part that support your "vibe" that she is a terrible person and this relationship isn't going anywhere (even though it demonstrably is, since she's moving in with him). If I were you, I would keep my mouth firmly shut. What could you possibly say? "Hey, brother, I know you like this woman, and she's pretty and confident and has inspired you to take better care of yourself, but I don't like her and I think that she's really just after your money and doesn't really love you." Yeah, that will go over well.

OK you want examples let me give a few to you- he lives in an apt worth about 1.5 million (moved out to this apt after his divorce). She said she didn't like it and has talked him into selling it and he is buying a more expensive apt. that SHE found.

They were going to Italy for her best friends wedding and she decides to turn their 4 day stay into a 15 day extended trip all over Europe, staying in the best hotels, of course all on his dime.

She wanted a new car and talked him into getting her a very expensive car as a "birthday gift".

Need I go on?

Is that how your brother described it? Or is that how you think it went in your head?

[Anonymous]

Too long to read - I don't have the patience to try to help you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not to give an opinion unless it's asked for. TO ANYONE. ABOUT ANYTHING. Even if someone asks your opinion and you were going to say something as bold as not liking her - well.. it better be that your opinion was asked for during a real heart-to-heart talk. It's not the same if someone uses "how do you like her?" as a casual conversation starter.

Unless I missed something - you opinion was not asked for.

[Anonymous]

His money, his girlfriend, his life. Why do you want to control his life? How much did you and "the family" butt into his first marriage?
Its two adults each getting what they want. There are a lot of women on this board who would jump all over a rich, tall divorced(with grown kids) man. Do you feel you can't compete with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His money, his girlfriend, his life. Why do you want to control his life? How much did you and "the family" butt into his first marriage?
Its two adults each getting what they want. There are a lot of women on this board who would jump all over a rich, tall divorced(with grown kids) man. Do you feel you can't compete with her?

+1 he may like to be dominated or just like someone else in the driver's seat. Maybe they are just having fun together. She probably makes him feel good about himself, there is nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not to give an opinion unless it's asked for. TO ANYONE. ABOUT ANYTHING. Even if someone asks your opinion and you were going to say something as bold as not liking her - well.. it better be that your opinion was asked for during a real heart-to-heart talk. It's not the same if someone uses "how do you like her?" as a casual conversation starter.

Unless I missed something - you opinion was not asked for.

Nice try. I do not take orders. Got that?