DWs: Do you sometimes pretend to be less interested in sex than you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I think the exercise analogy is a good one. I don't think she is playing mind games. On the other hand, she manages to exercise 3-4x per week on her own initiative. I'd love to have that kind of success!

If she wasn't exercising 3-4 times a week (and presumably keeping in good shape), would you be as interested in having sex with her?

Me? Yeah, probably. But, point taken. (I also exercise 3-4x per week, fwiw.)

[Anonymous]

I have learned to be a little coy about sex. Being too ready or initiating too much turns a lot of guys off, IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have learned to be a little coy about sex. Being too ready or initiating too much turns a lot of guys off, IME.

as a guy, a woman can never be too ready or initiate too much!!

[Anonymous]

When I was married, I lost interest in sex because my then-DH was bad in bed and viewed my body as a way to entertain/soothe himself before he went to sleep.

Once I divorced, my libido came back. I've been in a committed relationship over a year and am very satisfied. I can't imagine pretending I'm not interested.

[Anonymous]

My husband told me when we were getting serious that he would NOT be the one who always had to do the initiating for our entire relationship. And then he sat back and waited, and waited. It kind of forced me to be able to say that I wanted to have sex with him, and to pursue and initiate. It is to this day one of the most liberating things he ever did for me. I come from a world where women never do that, so what he did was very freeing.

[Anonymous]

One question might be what is meant by initiating?
Does it have to be verbal? Physical? Can it be a non-verbal signal such as wearing sexy lingerie or giving a partner a heated glance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have learned to be a little coy about sex. Being too ready or initiating too much turns a lot of guys off, IME.

as a guy, a woman can never be too ready or initiate too much!!

I'm a high drive woman. That's what guys say, but their behavior says something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband told me when we were getting serious that he would NOT be the one who always had to do the initiating for our entire relationship. And then he sat back and waited, and waited. It kind of forced me to be able to say that I wanted to have sex with him, and to pursue and initiate. It is to this day one of the most liberating things he ever did for me. I come from a world where women never do that, so what he did was very freeing.

Wow. That's awesome. Good for you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have learned to be a little coy about sex. Being too ready or initiating too much turns a lot of guys off, IME.

I think that's true AT FIRST. But once you are on a LTR, the "I want to be chased" act is off-putting. Men like to feel "desired" too.

That being said, there are some men who are control freaks, who must be the "dominant" person at all times. You just have to get a feel for your partner.

[Anonymous]

No. Almost always the opposite. But just because I'm not "in the mood" a whole lot, doesn't mean sex with my husband isn't great and I don't thoroughly enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have learned to be a little coy about sex. Being too ready or initiating too much turns a lot of guys off, IME.

I think that's true AT FIRST. But once you are on a LTR, the "I want to be chased" act is off-putting. Men like to feel "desired" too.

That being said, there are some men who are control freaks, who must be the "dominant" person at all times. You just have to get a feel for your partner.

There's less of it in a LTR, but I've found most men get bored or something of I'm doing too much of the initiating or if I am ready to go the moment they ask. It's a stupid bird dance, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One question might be what is meant by initiating?
Does it have to be verbal? Physical? Can it be a non-verbal signal such as wearing sexy lingerie or giving a partner a heated glance?

Well, obviously it can be whatever works for the couple. But, I guess for me that initiating would be something that lack plausible deniability about the fact that one spouse is inviting the other spouse to have sex. So, wearing lingerie definitely counts. The "heated" glance comes closer to the line. Asking for a foot rub and calling it initiation? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Pursuing is fun if your wife is generally interested in being caught. Otherwise it's an ego busting pain in the ass.

[Anonymous]

No. I am generally more interested in having sex than my husband is. If he initiates I never say no because I have no idea when the next time might be.

[Anonymous]

I do the same thing as your wife at times and I do not know why I do it.

Maybe it is because I do not want to seem slutty or just too easy + available since I am the woman.

But like your wife, once we are doing the deed, I am as much into it as he is.

Then he is saying to me, "Bet you are glad you said Yes, huh Baby? Bet you are glad you said yes??!"

And of course I have to agree!!