Issue with not wanting to visit in laws

[Anonymous]

Toxins? If the a medical issue caused him to be inappropriate w a young girl, he would not have been fired. Your IL and DH are making excuses.

OP has every right to refuse to go to an unsafe environment. Doesnt matter if its a cultural difference. Let me ask you this: if the ILs believed and practiced female genital mutilation and wanted to do it to grandchild, would you say put up w it? Course not!

DH needs to put his family's safety first. He needs to figure out a compromise to make his wife happy. He can go by himself. Frankly, I would not trust him alone w my DC.

[Anonymous]

OP, stay in a hotel. If your husband can't tell his parents that's what you're going to do, then you have to.

It's for your sanity - you can't be around these people 24/7 AND stay polite, right? You'll need some breaks.
It's for your child - he takes a nap, right?
It's for your marriage - it sounds like DH also doesn't like to be around his parents, but has a hard time saying no to them. It's wise then, that he tries not to visit them, but he also has to put down some boundaries, and throw the culture excuse out the window. Besides, some Americans would say it's against their culture to NOT stay in a hotel when visiting friends/family.

If you choose not to go and send DH alone, don't make an excuse unless you legitimately have one. It's fine if they know you don't love being around them. Not like "DW hates you so didn't want to come" but more like "DW isn't comfortable with how dad treats her so I told her to stay home." He should own this decision also, whatever it is you guys decide.

Sounds like they'll always disrespect your boundaries, but that doesn't give you any reason to let them - in fact, it gives you more of a reason to be firm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Toxins? If the a medical issue caused him to be inappropriate w a young girl, he would not have been fired. Your IL and DH are making excuses.

OP has every right to refuse to go to an unsafe environment. Doesnt matter if its a cultural difference. Let me ask you this: if the ILs believed and practiced female genital mutilation and wanted to do it to grandchild, would you say put up w it? Course not!

DH needs to put his family's safety first. He needs to figure out a compromise to make his wife happy. He can go by himself. Frankly, I would not trust him alone w my DC.

You are as crazy as FIL, traumatic brain injury or other medical issue causing someone to be inappropriate is not a protected class. Just because you have medical issue does not mean you cannot be fired if you stalk someone or touch someone inappropriately. You are fired because of the BEHAVIOUR, not the reason for the behaviour.
OP, try to stay at a hotel and I hope you are able to navigate the mental problems of the FIL. Try to remember it is not a personality issue, it is a medical issue. Try to show you are as supportive of him as possible, this will go a long way in prompting him to try to increase your comfort level. You are a team, it's not a problem with his family, it is a family issue. If DH sees that you are operating from this perspective, that will help him to work with you and feel less defensive. Hope all turns out well for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toxins? If the a medical issue caused him to be inappropriate w a young girl, he would not have been fired. Your IL and DH are making excuses.

OP has every right to refuse to go to an unsafe environment. Doesnt matter if its a cultural difference. Let me ask you this: if the ILs believed and practiced female genital mutilation and wanted to do it to grandchild, would you say put up w it? Course not!

DH needs to put his family's safety first. He needs to figure out a compromise to make his wife happy. He can go by himself. Frankly, I would not trust him alone w my DC.

You are as crazy as FIL, traumatic brain injury or other medical issue causing someone to be inappropriate is not a protected class. Just because you have medical issue does not mean you cannot be fired if you stalk someone or touch someone inappropriately. You are fired because of the BEHAVIOUR, not the reason for the behaviour.
OP, try to stay at a hotel and I hope you are able to navigate the mental problems of the FIL. Try to remember it is not a personality issue, it is a medical issue. Try to show you are as supportive of him as possible, this will go a long way in prompting him to try to increase your comfort level. You are a team, it's not a problem with his family, it is a family issue. If DH sees that you are operating from this perspective, that will help him to work with you and feel less defensive. Hope all turns out well for everyone involved.

You missed the point. TOXINS don't cause people to act that way. It's a BS excuse and he can't be fired for a legitimate medical issue. (ADA act would protect him.) HOWEVER, Criminal acts are another thing. She didn't say he was arrested.

Regardless, if he was fired for inappropriate behavior, why does her DH not understand why she doesn't want to go?