How to support a family just receiving an autism diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Please don't send articles and books.

Please do call and invite and visit.

[Anonymous]

Thinking back to when my child was first diagnosed, I felt so alone. I was going through the hardest challenge I had ever faced in my life and I no one ever reached out to me to offer help or lend an ear. I guess it's understandable since friends and family may have worried they might say the wrong thing.

If I were that mom, I would just appreciate a call or an offer to get together for a play date or to have drinks. Just ask your friend how she's doing, and how her child is doing. Let her lead the conversation. Really listen and don't offer advice. Also, avoid telling your friend that you understand what she's going through. Avoid spouting off any expertise you think you have about autism. There are no experts.

I think the key is to tell her she's not alone. Admit that you cannot offer any advice or expertise, but if she needs a friend you are there for her.

[Anonymous]

First, autism is now given to such a wide spectrum of kids, that it's not the diagnosis it used to be.

Second, just be all in for her and her child. Invite them out, set up playdates, include them. Special needs kids quickly get put on the "do not call" social lists, and the the isolating can be devastating.

[Anonymous]

My 2 yr old DS was just diagnosed with autism 2 months ago. We knew it was a strong possibility, but getting the diagnosis was especially difficult. I can only speak for myself, but I know that people telling me "I'm sorry" rubbed me the wrong way...and what I really preferred to hear was "I'm here for you if you need me" coupled with a hug. That's it. Because it doesn't take long to feel alone when you're in this position (hence why I found this forum). I also echo the others who said to make sure you continue to include your friends in things that you do (get-togethers, playdates etc) because it doesn't take long for the isolation to become a reality. I am just starting to feel it with playdates now. I belonged to a small playdate group and finally felt the courage to tell the others about my DS getting his ASD diagnosis...because I felt that we were close enough and that I'd have their support. At the time, they were extremely supportive, and even "called out" those "awful mothers who would think differently of my son and I". Well, fast forward a few weeks....the playdates have become less and less. I hosted one at my house last weekend, and while they did attend, they didn't really include me in their conversations...and one even slipped about how they'd had a playdate (that we weren't invited to) and how fun it had been.

Sorry to go on a tangent...but the latter part bears repeating. Your friend will really need someone they can count on to be there, and someone who will continue to want to be a part of their lives. If your friends live in NOVA, I'd be happy to provide my contact info so we could do some playdates together.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if the OP has the same friends as I do, but my friends also just got the autism diagnosis for their 2 year old son. It's been a month. The father is still somewhat in denial, the mother is prone to tears. T Be very cautious, OP. Don't start proposing therapies right away, don't overwhelm them. Bit by bit. One thing you can say at this point - "Thank God you guys were so proactive and identified autism at an early age." According to my friend, this phrase made her feel better and not like "I am the worst mother in the world, I did this to my child." She's slowly but surely starting to look at books about raising an autistic child and yesterday she asked me about Child Find. I say it's a small victory. At least she's not in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if the OP has the same friends as I do, but my friends also just got the autism diagnosis for their 2 year old son. It's been a month. The father is still somewhat in denial, the mother is prone to tears. T Be very cautious, OP. Don't start proposing therapies right away, don't overwhelm them. Bit by bit. One thing you can say at this point - "Thank God you guys were so proactive and identified autism at an early age." According to my friend, this phrase made her feel better and not like "I am the worst mother in the world, I did this to my child." She's slowly but surely starting to look at books about raising an autistic child and yesterday she asked me about Child Find. I say it's a small victory. At least she's not in denial.

I'm going through the Child Find process now with my 2 yr old ASD diagnosed DS. If your friend wants to talk, I'm happy to do so. My email is m o a n d b e l l y AT o u t l o o k dot com