People with high performing kids.. how hard do you push your kids academically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

[Anonymous]

I apologize for being so rude, OP, but your kids do not sound that impressive, just slightly above-average.
A great many children are like this, and need to be strongly encouraged in order to do reasonably well.

This has nothing to do with getting a perfect SAT, GRE or MCAT, being Eagle Scout and President of X, Y, Z Club and finding time to volunteer at one's favorite charitable organization. This is what it takes to get into a good university now.

I have an exceptionally gifted cousin, a learning-disabled yet gifted child, and know plenty of run-of-the-mill above-average children - only a small minority are self-driven. Actually, of my non-statistical sample, only the aforementioned cousin

Most importantly, until your children are considerably older, I would not conclude anything yet!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

[Anonymous]

DD (9) pushes herself. She's always been self-driven.

[Anonymous]

Our third child, who is in middle school is completely self motivated and gets As because he wants good grades and he does the work. It's not very hard for him but he is no genius. We pushed our oldest some and he got very stressed his junior year in HS, probably got overwhelmed and got depressed and stopped working. He is very smart but has some executive function problems. In hindsight I wish I hadn't pushed him, but I saw his potential and wanted him to do the best he could. It's possible if I hadn't pushed he would have done better and more importantly not have gotten depressed.

[Anonymous]

I hope to all of you pp's on this thread that there is another lesson you teach your kids, while you "push" them along...and that is, there is more to life than achievement. Life is not a race. Life is more than that. Don't put your big time D.C. crap on your 5 year old's shoulders. Childhood is short. Allow them to be children, first and foremost. That is the best gift of all.
Maybe you all need to take a deep breath before you react to this revolutionary idea.

[Anonymous]

only as hard as i have the stamina and time for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

I do think it is impressive if a 5 year old can determine which of these fractions go in order from smallest on up: 1/5, 2/8, 2/7, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG [u]but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

How did you motivate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

I do think it is impressive if a 5 year old can determine which of these fractions go in order from smallest on up: 1/5, 2/8, 2/7, etc.

I'm pretty sure they do some "beginning algebra" and fractions in FCPS K. They also do these in Montessori classrooms where they have those manipulatives to play with. It's very easy to see 1/8 is smaller than 1/4 when you're actually looking at cut up pieces of a circle and coloring them in and kids read those library books on math talking about cutting and sharing pie. The beginning algebra sheets I've seen are finding a missing number and aren't too hard either. Montessori teaches all the things PP mentioned above in a visual way but most kids don't come out of a primary classroom being able to do all that math in their head yet. Picking these concepts up on his own is definitely advanced though.

[Anonymous]

Feel funny saying this but my child is so devoted to her school work that we actually try to tone her down. I fear the day she gets a B. "Grades do not define you" etc. We do not push/supplement in in any way. Every kid is different and there is no one way. If what you are doing works for you and your kids..keep it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you define 'push'?

Anyone?

[Anonymous]

I define "push" as nag, pester, threaten, insist, withhold rewards, force.

I do not push any of my four kids. Each one is completely different. One is self-motivated, one is completely lazy, one is sort of lazy, but works for grades and self-esteem, one doesn't work much at all, but doesn't need to.

I've tried pushing, but it failed completely, so I backed off.

I do ask every day about homework, tests, papers. I offer to read papers, to help study for tests. Sometimes my children give me their papers to proofread, and ask me to quiz them on concepts or vocab words, sometimes not.

I've told them that I DO NOT care about grades, but that there are people in the world who do, and these people may hold the keys to the doors my kids will someday want to walk through, so they need to get the very best grades they can so they can get through those doors.

It's quite true that I have no interest in grades, nor do I think grades alone motivate my children, but my kids see that grades can be helpful, so they are doing the work to get the best grades they can.

Don't know if this helps you, OP.

BTW, the very brightest kids are very bright! They are not necessarily the hardest workers, though. But the hardest workers generally get the best grades. I know lots of overachievers who are not super smart, but get good grades. That's why I don't value grades as a measure of intelligence, but they do sometimes correlate with hard work if the child is in a challenging academic environment.

[Anonymous]

My kids are still young, but I definitely excelled without being pushed. My parents made it clear that they expected us to do well in school (I think anything below a B would have been a problem but don't really know b/c my first B was in coolege) but otherwise were completely hands off. They were supportive, and academic success was valued, but they never checked my homework or pushed me into enrichment activities, though they cheered me along in the ones I chose to pursue on my own. My 3 siblings all did well in school (and life) with this approach, though I was the only one who attended an ivy (the rest still attended very good schools).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope to all of you pp's on this thread that there is another lesson you teach your kids, while you "push" them along...and that is, there is more to life than achievement. Life is not a race. Life is more than that. Don't put your big time D.C. crap on your 5 year old's shoulders. Childhood is short. Allow them to be children, first and foremost. That is the best gift of all.
Maybe you all need to take a deep breath before you react to this revolutionary idea.

You can take OP's question as, "how do you instill work ethic?" or you can take it as, "how to I ensure my kid gets into Harvard?" You obviously took it the latter way. The rest of us took it the former way.

Some kids are born with work ethic. Others are not. My DS falls into the latter category, unfortunately. He coasted on his smarts through middle school, which was a magnet where he got mostly As with very little work. Now that he's in high school, his lack of work ethic is catching up to him. We worry that he won't apply himself in a job. We wish that we had figured out, in middle school, how to instill a love of work and pushing himself for their own sakes, instead of just letting him learn to coast.